Stay Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 How do people usually take flakers after a few dates? I find it difficult to think it's because there's no spark there as all the dates went surprisingly well. There was no excuse or reschedule and of course it bothers me a bit because I was flaked twice this week already by 2 different people. The ones I've been to a few dates with didn't reschedule or anything. I'm not sure how I should take this, I kinda feel like a flake without any raincheck to be something I should just forget about. Of course there are legitimate reasons and I'm perfectly ok with that and I'm going to give it time but I just wanted to get an insight about how to go about things after something like this goes on.
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 BUMP anyone? I'd like to still continue things and from how things were she was still very much interested. I'm just a little blindsided by the flake and no reschedule.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Explain the flake?? Did they just cancel or not show up? 1
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 (edited) Explain the flake?? Did they just cancel or not show up? Canceled about a day ahead which I'm perfectly fine with but no reschedule. I'm usually use to a person rescheduling if they canceled so I'm not sure what this really means. It bothered me a bit more than expected probably because another date canceled on me earlier on the week, that was a first date though and I didn't care but this felt out of the blue. Edited April 14, 2014 by Stay
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Canceled about a day ahead which I'm perfectly fine with but no reschedule. I'm usually use to a person rescheduling if they canceled so I'm not sure what this really means. It bothered me a bit more than expected probably because another date canceled on me earlier on the week, that was a first date though and I didn't care but this felt out of the blue. If you've already had a few dates, and the cancel seemed legitimate, then just follow up and see if they're interested in rescheduling. One cancelation is okay, but beyond that, I wouldn't waste any more time. 1
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 If you've already had a few dates, and the cancel seemed legitimate, then just follow up and see if they're interested in rescheduling. One cancelation is okay, but beyond that, I wouldn't waste any more time. Yea I see it as legitimate also since she always seemed to want to see me again while we were still on the current date. After 2 flakes for sure I'm gonna take it as a clue of not pursuing anymore. 2 flakes without a reason that is. I'm not sure what's worst have a flake and not giving a reason or flake + give reason since most of the time I would assume it's natural for a fake flake to make up some reason. Another reason I'd think is if someone else has her interested. Horrible way of thinking I know but if that's the case I rather hear the truth.
HappyLove Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Well if someone legitimately canceled then they would at LEAST have kept in touch with you as they did before. They are probably a legitimate flake and I don't waste my time with those people I have given second chances before with those types and it was a waste of time. 1
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Well if someone legitimately canceled then they would at LEAST have kept in touch with you as they did before. They are probably a legitimate flake and I don't waste my time with those people I have given second chances before with those types and it was a waste of time. Were your flakes first dates or later on? It hasn't been that long since the flake and it's not like we text everyday or anything. Just wanted to see other experiences.
J21 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 They could've been multi dating with other people, and they made a decision they'd like to be with one particular person they've been seeing for a while. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, just how it is sometimes. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just keep trucking, you only need to find that one person. 1
HappyLove Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I had someone flake second date then didn't hear from for 2 weeks then asked me out again we dated and he ended up going poof 3 months in. Everyone who's been a flake was met online! The home of the flakes. I've met a couple guys who flaked first date, all online. 1
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 They could've been multi dating with other people, and they made a decision they'd like to be with one particular person they've been seeing for a while. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, just how it is sometimes. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just keep trucking, you only need to find that one person. Well that's what I assumed as that's fairly normal. I don't want to contact and allow to see if she's still interested but at the same time I want to contact her. I would think the best course of action is to just forget about it and let her contact me. Then I second guess myself and think what if she's the kind that wants a guy to initiate to see if I'm interested, etc. It just turns into going in circles.
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 I had someone flake second date then didn't hear from for 2 weeks then asked me out again we dated and he ended up going poof 3 months in. Everyone who's been a flake was met online! The home of the flakes. I've met a couple guys who flaked first date, all online. Well first date flakes is a little bit more understandable, nerves kick in and it happens. Also in my opinion guy who flakes like that might have a totally different reason and perspective than a girl who flakes.
HappyLove Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Well you have nothing to lose by getting in contact with her. If she turns down an offer for a date better to find out its a waste of your time now rather than later. 1
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 Well you have nothing to lose by getting in contact with her. If she turns down an offer for a date better to find out its a waste of your time now rather than later. You're right, I just don't want to seem like I'm the one who keeps chasing when it's the flaker who should reschedule. Also I'm not sure how women think about this logically but I never double book, if I have a date planned with a person and another one is in the process of planning I'll either plan the other one next week or on a different day. I know our plans were agreed upon so it was pretty concrete, why book another date on the same day as the one you already planned?
M30USA Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 There are only 2 possible outcomes with dating: 1) You marry the person. 2) It ends. Doesn't matter when. Some end sooner and some end later. 2
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 What was her reason to cancel? No explanation. Not sure what's worst, no reason or some reason that seems fake.
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 There are only 2 possible outcomes with dating: 1) You marry the person. 2) It ends. Doesn't matter when. Some end sooner and some end later. Yup, I'm not bothered by things ending but I wanna know if it has ended or I should initiate a reschedule which I'm not too fond of. 1
HappyLove Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 No explanation. Not sure what's worst, no reason or some reason that seems fake. Hmmm, sounds like a true flake. If you want to end the wondering then contact her. At this point it's not really about her your just trying to see if your wasting your time waiting around and second guessing. Is this someone from online? 1
M30USA Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Yup, I'm not bothered by things ending but I wanna know if it has ended or I should initiate a reschedule which I'm not too fond of. Do you honestly think most people give an explanation for why they don't want to continue seeing someone? "Yes, I don't think we will work out. I don't like your teeth and I think your breath smells." 1
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 (edited) Do you honestly think most people give an explanation for why they don't want to continue seeing someone? "Yes, I don't think we will work out. I don't like your teeth and I think your breath smells." No but a "I don't think it's gonna work" is better than a "I gotta flake" which makes people think oh something came up, there's next time. Now they have to find another reason, etc. and the other person is left guessing if they still wanted to meet up. They don't have to go into details about why it doesn't work, just say it's not gonna work and that's it. Direct and to the point, I don't need an explanation, sometimes it just doesn't work with people. But like HappyLove said I guess it's best to try and see, at least then there'll be an answer. Edited April 14, 2014 by Stay 1
Mo_Do Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 As has been said on this forum multiple times just because YOU felt that the date(s) went well, doesn't mean the other person did! I feel terrible right now because I was on a date with a girl last night - she most likely thinks it went great and is probably wondering why I haven't contacted her yet. Fact is, I didn't have a good time and found her kinda boring (ok, really boring and not very attractive to me) but even so we went to two different places and spent almost 3 hours together. Why didn't I tell her then - because I knew it would shock her and I am not into kicking people like that. If she probes for an answer though, I'll give it to her - which is likely. As for you, the girls probably had other guys on the go that they gelled with better. No big deal - keep dating! Think of dating, especially online dating, as more like "meeting strangers" because that's exactly what it is! Do you expect yourself (or others) to have chemistry and fireworks with every stranger you meet? He11 no!! So keep looking and stop thinking movies are real. You dont need nor require a reason why they "flaked" - they simply chose not to meet with you, sack up and move on. 2
HappyLove Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 The respectable thing to do is to let someone know you aren't interested instead of keeping them wondering. Especially after you spent 3 hours with them!
Author Stay Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 As has been said on this forum multiple times just because YOU felt that the date(s) went well, doesn't mean the other person did! I feel terrible right now because I was on a date with a girl last night - she most likely thinks it went great and is probably wondering why I haven't contacted her yet. Fact is, I didn't have a good time and found her kinda boring (ok, really boring and not very attractive to me) but even so we went to two different places and spent almost 3 hours together. Why didn't I tell her then - because I knew it would shock her and I am not into kicking people like that. If she probes for an answer though, I'll give it to her - which is likely. As for you, the girls probably had other guys on the go that they gelled with better. No big deal - keep dating! Think of dating, especially online dating, as more like "meeting strangers" because that's exactly what it is! Do you expect yourself (or others) to have chemistry and fireworks with every stranger you meet? He11 no!! So keep looking and stop thinking movies are real. You dont need nor require a reason why they "flaked" - they simply chose not to meet with you, sack up and move on. As far as me only thinking the date went well that's something I disagree on because the other person said otherwise. But you're right about dating in general, I don't expect much from things but I at least want to know if I should stop talking to the person. I'm not necessarily wondering why they flake but more of was that really why or was it a way of saying maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore.
J21 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Well that's what I assumed as that's fairly normal. I don't want to contact and allow to see if she's still interested but at the same time I want to contact her. I would think the best course of action is to just forget about it and let her contact me. Then I second guess myself and think what if she's the kind that wants a guy to initiate to see if I'm interested, etc. It just turns into going in circles. Honestly, I interpret cancelling without offering an alternate day as a polite way of saying "not interested". Go with your gut intuition. Is it saying give her a call? If so, go for it. Better than wondering what if.
Recommended Posts