So… How about them third chances?

[zyketti]

As I sit here, reading 100s of threads, break-ups are just part of life that needs to happen for stupid men like me.

 

I'll keep it short as possible: Dated this girl for about 1 year and 8 months. We had a lot of arguments and fights but who really doesn't? This relationship came up about 3 months after I came out of a deadly 7 year relationship. Everyone thought it was a rebound, I wasn't super attracted to her first, but love conquered over and fell in love with her after few months.

 

About a year and half into the relationship, we broke up for the first time in early february, because she felt we were too different, and our arguments were getting too much. I was raised as a spoiled male and she worked every single free time she had ever since she was a teen. I became needy due to my unemployment after my graduate degree, and she was too pressured in life. Then she gave me a second chance, to try again, after two days of thinking.

 

It was good, but we couldn't fix our original problems. I had made improvements to narrow down those differences, but what we needed was a drastic change… She started putting in less effort to our relationship, and I couldn't make changes fast enough. A month and few days later, we really broke up after an argument, over me not supporting her wanting to go on a mission trip. I gave up right then; maybe we were too different. Accepted it for few days then realized I wanted her back.

 

11 days later I went to talk to her, after this musical that she had been practicing for very long time. She hesitated to talk to me at first, saying it's too early to talk, this is not the time. She teared up and cried as soon as I got her to talk to me in the car. I couldn't tell her anything I planned to - so I gave her an 8 page letter that I had written, which stated every single problem we ever had, and how we should start a new relationship via first dates all over again.

After our conversation, she said she was sure that nothing could change her mind about us never getting back together; but after reading the letter, it touched her heart, "but we can't get back together right now". Maybe in a month, maybe in a year, one day. She also said just because you have improved, doesn't make me a better gf. She also needs to figure her life out. After talking to members of the church who knew her for a very long time - it's not really time she needs. Her personality is so deeply rooted that it's not going to change.

 

Here I am, sitting here, I haven't talked to her since our last conversation (5 days ago). I am not heartbroken per say (I've had my experience with that during my 7 year relationship breakup), I'm slowly going out to meet new girls, etc. I am also waiting on admission to medical school which comes out in a month but also applying to jobs again after a hiatus. While I am confident that I can start new relationships with other girls; this girl was so special to me. So unique. She ran 3 jobs, and still volunteered at church numerous hours a week. She was legit kind and intelligent. She inspired and motivated me as a person.

 

I really want her back. I've blocked her on FB, trying to move on. I'm going out with a girl friend of mine and meeting few of her friends. But.. if I get this admission to the medical school (in a month), I want to be able to share that with her and start communication again.

 

Anyone have any experiences with third chances, or have any opinions/advices?

[zyketti]

Bump.

 

It's been two weeks and half since breakup, and one week since our last conversation. It still hurts me inside.

 

Every morning I feel like I'm waking up from a nightmare. I go into panic attacks, I desperately want to see her and hug her again. But I know I can't. I tried to hug her when I met her last week, but she stopped me from doing so with tears in her eyes.

 

I try to think of our bad arguments to convince myself we weren't meant to last, but good memories soon take over and mild depression ensues.

 

We really did love each other, exchanging I love yous and I love you more, all the time…

[FortunateSon]

I am sorry for your pain, I can definitely relate. At one point I in the same boat, pondering the same question. With time you will gain perspective on why a 3rd chance isn't realistic, you have mentioned arguments, fights, and the inability to solve problems...this should tell you all you need to know. Good relationships avoid/solve these issues. It will get better with time and no contact.

[ryanj28]

Third chances? Well think about the first break up. She felt you two were too different and that the arguments were too much to handle and that was being in a relationship for a year and a half. When you have strong feelings about being too different together than you will have holding back from one of the people in the relationship while the other is desperately trying to find that common ground to make ends meet.

 

So she gave you another chance, only like you said, "It was good, but we couldn't gix our original problems." So you started back up again, with those same problems and after two days of not being together, did you guys have enough time to really consider if it was worth salvaging at the time? To be completely honest 48 hours is not enough time to be alone to figure it out. 48 hours can however enough time to figure out how to solve some issues together!

 

So you get back together and then come the second break up you break up because you didn't support her on her mission trip. To me that sounds like an excuse. She may be still feeling the differences she was feeling initially and needed the out so she used the mission trip as her opportunity to close the door. She may even be feeling some sort of guilt and not knowing what to do which could explain her tears and everything as well. Sometimes heartbreaks don't break even, but there comes a point where that's how it has to be.

 

I am personally not a fan of dating the same person twice because of this kind of situation. It would be a gamble to get back with someone and it could either work out for the good or (if it were bad) to fall back into those ways. It's risky and consider the things YOU want to do. Medical school? That's time and committment, too. She also has things going for her as well. She is special to you and there have been people that have come into my life that I would call special in those ways as well and when they are that special, you want to keep them that way. Relationship drama could potentially eliminate her from your life, either by your doing or even more scary, her's. In my opinion, don't take the third chance, just know you two had your fun and maybe could even potentially keep each other in each other's lives (friends), but right now continue to see other people and maybe one day it can be as easy as going to a bar to have a beer and catch up.

 

I know what it's like to want to share memories with a specific person and no one else and that's when things get hard because of the love that is shared between people, but space and time are going to be needed.

[zyketti]

Third chances? Well think about the first break up. She felt you two were too different and that the arguments were too much to handle and that was being in a relationship for a year and a half. When you have strong feelings about being too different together than you will have holding back from one of the people in the relationship while the other is desperately trying to find that common ground to make ends meet.

 

So she gave you another chance, only like you said, "It was good, but we couldn't gix our original problems." So you started back up again, with those same problems and after two days of not being together, did you guys have enough time to really consider if it was worth salvaging at the time? To be completely honest 48 hours is not enough time to be alone to figure it out. 48 hours can however enough time to figure out how to solve some issues together!

 

So you get back together and then come the second break up you break up because you didn't support her on her mission trip. To me that sounds like an excuse. She may be still feeling the differences she was feeling initially and needed the out so she used the mission trip as her opportunity to close the door. She may even be feeling some sort of guilt and not knowing what to do which could explain her tears and everything as well. Sometimes heartbreaks don't break even, but there comes a point where that's how it has to be.

 

I am personally not a fan of dating the same person twice because of this kind of situation. It would be a gamble to get back with someone and it could either work out for the good or (if it were bad) to fall back into those ways. It's risky and consider the things YOU want to do. Medical school? That's time and committment, too. She also has things going for her as well. She is special to you and there have been people that have come into my life that I would call special in those ways as well and when they are that special, you want to keep them that way. Relationship drama could potentially eliminate her from your life, either by your doing or even more scary, her's. In my opinion, don't take the third chance, just know you two had your fun and maybe could even potentially keep each other in each other's lives (friends), but right now continue to see other people and maybe one day it can be as easy as going to a bar to have a beer and catch up.

 

I know what it's like to want to share memories with a specific person and no one else and that's when things get hard because of the love that is shared between people, but space and time are going to be needed.

 

Hey Ryan thanks for reading the entire post and taking the time to reply...

 

I agree with a lot of the things you said. 48 hours wasn't enough for me to realize our problems and really tackle it. We discussed the differences and i honestly didnt think they are that significant.

 

It's been 3 weeks since breakup and one week since we last talked over my 8 page letter. I still can't let her go off my mind. Talked to my little bro today who said I sound exact same as last week; me wanting her back in my life.

 

I also saw her at church today... And saw her looking around to find where i was sitting. Broke my heart again and I ran out of there as soon as everything was over. Im so disappointed at how emotionally weak I am, and at the same time, how much I want her back in my life.

[ryanj28]

Entertain this thought: you guys got together and she was all you could think about and now you aren't together and she is still all you can think about. Isn't that how it usually goes when you feel about someone like that?? Three weeks isn't enough time to feel anything other than missing someone especially when you invested feelings and let's be honest- so did she if she looks around for you when you guys aren't together.

 

How old are you and how old is she??

[bluegreen]

I'll apologize for not reading more then : How about them third chances ?

It did not work once twice and you are insisting on third why ?

But you love her Oh she loves you so to well that was not enough for first second or third time was it?

 

Look kiddo not trying to be mean here but if it did not worked 3 times it sure as hell won't work on fourth fifth and six relationships should not be that hard and love is NEVER enough ...

[zyketti]

Entertain this thought: you guys got together and she was all you could think about and now you aren't together and she is still all you can think about. Isn't that how it usually goes when you feel about someone like that?? Three weeks isn't enough time to feel anything other than missing someone especially when you invested feelings and let's be honest- so did she if she looks around for you when you guys aren't together.

 

How old are you and how old is she??

 

It is... I went through a harsher breakup before, 7 year relationship broke apart with another man in the picture. I went through hell back then, even though I knew we weren't going to get married.

 

This time seemed different; I wanted to marry this girl.. One of my bestfriends said, you had more to lose with this girl than the girl i dated for 7 years, bc i wanted to marry her.

 

Anyways.. Im turning 27 in few months and she is 23.

[zyketti]

I'll apologize for not reading more then : How about them third chances ?

It did not work once twice and you are insisting on third why ?

But you love her Oh she loves you so to well that was not enough for first second or third time was it?

 

Look kiddo not trying to be mean here but if it did not worked 3 times it sure as hell won't work on fourth fifth and six relationships should not be that hard and love is NEVER enough ...

 

Well, to be technical with numbers, we broke up for good our second time around (on our second breakup).

 

But you are right. Relationships should not be this hard.

 

One question though: does love really come naturally? Relationships that work.. Should it come easy and smooth? Natural?

[ryanj28]

I'm a realist and at the same time it can be brutally honest or biasly swayed, if that makes any sense at all.

 

I am currently in a marriage that is falling through a massive hole. I had a kid our of being a 21 year old idiot with a chick I was not in love with, got rid of her. Found someone else, got married too quick, she held out on sex, I cheated, we tried working on it, we had a kid, nothing was salvagable despite our child, and now I have to find my happiness at 30 years old. Unfortunately, involving myself with the wrong people has delayed this happiness I seek.

 

We can look at this as a hopeful romantic and believe that at 27 things can work with this ONE girl and that she will come around to feeling the same way. She looks for you at church and it seems that she is feeling the same way and misses you just like you miss her, but like I pointed out before- when you got together all you thought about was her and now that you're not together all you can think about is her. Same goes for her.

 

Even though she looks for you at church and you do the same, why didn't she instead of leaving you in the first place act on her "actual" feelings and take you up on legitimately working things out despite your differences? Assuming she felt as strongly. If the differences were as you said not that significant realize they probably were to her, which is probably why she broke up right? Despite the reasoning she gave you.

 

As a realist, a third time seems like a lot of unresolved issues from the first and second time and I would hate to see a post that says, "So... how about them fourth chances?" In all honesty, and the most respect for yourself, don't run circles. You love this girl, you love her as a person beyond all physicalities, but those help as well. You admire her work ethic, the person she is, and the morality she holds! That's admirable and at the end of the day, what you do is what you are going to do. Chase or not, that choice is yours and not mine.

 

I think you have so much going for yourself and if you want to look at it big picture, you have her in your life regardless. Until she can openly express these same things, take your self respect and amplify it for yourself. Did she want to marry you or at least did she seem like she would agree to marrying you? You can look at those things and consider if a third time is even worth the shot also taking in the previous break ups. Weigh out what you have in front of you.

[bluegreen]

Well, to be technical with numbers, we broke up for good our second time around (on our second breakup).

 

But you are right. Relationships should not be this hard.

 

One question though: does love really come naturally? Relationships that work.. Should it come easy and smooth? Natural?

 

 

No relationship is same no two people on earth are same as for the rest of the question : NO nothing life is ever that easy that smooth or natural all requires hard work. But as in all buts in life its never as hard as what you described or what all of us have been trough and ended up here for so all in all is mix of some easy and smooth some hard work some laughter some tears.

 

Its all in moderation of emotions soul mates are not born they are CREATED

worked on and most important MAINTAINED on daily basis ...

[zyketti]

I'm a realist and at the same time it can be brutally honest or biasly swayed, if that makes any sense at all.

 

I am currently in a marriage that is falling through a massive hole. I had a kid our of being a 21 year old idiot with a chick I was not in love with, got rid of her. Found someone else, got married too quick, she held out on sex, I cheated, we tried working on it, we had a kid, nothing was salvagable despite our child, and now I have to find my happiness at 30 years old. Unfortunately, involving myself with the wrong people has delayed this happiness I seek.

 

We can look at this as a hopeful romantic and believe that at 27 things can work with this ONE girl and that she will come around to feeling the same way. She looks for you at church and it seems that she is feeling the same way and misses you just like you miss her, but like I pointed out before- when you got together all you thought about was her and now that you're not together all you can think about is her. Same goes for her.

 

Even though she looks for you at church and you do the same, why didn't she instead of leaving you in the first place act on her "actual" feelings and take you up on legitimately working things out despite your differences? Assuming she felt as strongly. If the differences were as you said not that significant realize they probably were to her, which is probably why she broke up right? Despite the reasoning she gave you.

 

As a realist, a third time seems like a lot of unresolved issues from the first and second time and I would hate to see a post that says, "So... how about them fourth chances?" In all honesty, and the most respect for yourself, don't run circles. You love this girl, you love her as a person beyond all physicalities, but those help as well. You admire her work ethic, the person she is, and the morality she holds! That's admirable and at the end of the day, what you do is what you are going to do. Chase or not, that choice is yours and not mine.

 

I think you have so much going for yourself and if you want to look at it big picture, you have her in your life regardless. Until she can openly express these same things, take your self respect and amplify it for yourself. Did she want to marry you or at least did she seem like she would agree to marrying you? You can look at those things and consider if a third time is even worth the shot also taking in the previous break ups. Weigh out what you have in front of you.

 

Thank you for your posts Ryan, and sharing your story. I wish I could just private message you, but I can't seem to find the function. I'll be dead honest here; I may be turning 27, but I've only been single for 2 months my entire adult life. Kind of similar, in that I am looking for happiness at 27 too.

 

I fell into depression earlier this year for good 2-3 months, and became needy & overly dependent. Drove her away, and arose ton of more problems. It was because I had graduated from two degrees (undergrad and MSc) with an A- average, and yet, couldn't find a decent job that would lead into a career. 130 job applications and nothing. Got really sad and needy. Led to a lot of problems.

 

Differences were that I couldn't handle my own problems, I often worse my emotions on my face and gave her negative energy, and I judged/put people down to make myself happier. I've largely fixed most of it, through soul searching, reading, and confiding throughout last 3 weeks.

 

Is she worth the trouble and the chase? I think so. I love everything that she stands for. Her mission to help others in need overseas is truly inspiring, and I share that same goal with her, hopefully as a doctor. We talked about marriage, the number of kids, the name of kids, or adoption if need to be. We talked about getting married 2 days before breakup.

 

You are right though, I am trying to "find" myself again, and amplify whatever I have in me. Looking for new jobs as a backup plan. Profession in the medical field is a lifelong career - whether it comes this year or next year, I gotta keep at it....

[zyketti]

Just dropping thoughts in here. I hope it's alright..

 

I've made alot of mistakes in my relationships. But I have always treated my girlfriends with respect. I've always started relationships with great women, and I've always developed real love for them all.

 

But this one was different to me. She's a very special woman, I've never met anyone like her before. The pastors, elders all ask for her help, because she is very good at getting things done, and with quality. Never hesitates to help others. I always wanted a companion who I can share the utmost respect for. I don't now if religion has any place here, but I used to pray for the next girl that I meet in my life to be the one for me. Few weeks later is when I met this girl.

 

I wish I could have dealt with my problems in a better way, I let my problems get the better of me, affecting my lifestyle, thoughts in life, and eventually my relationship. This breakup though; I handled it ALOT better than I've ever have. No pleading, no begging, all mature talk. No contact, exception of me handing her that letter (which was a pretty good idea, cuz she changed her mind from never to maybe). Damn.... heartbreaks.

 

I"m trying to move on, I've been seeing this one girl and she knows about my breakup. I'm meeting her friends and trying to meet new people. Still difficult to let go of someone that you wanted to marry...

Edited April 15, 2014 by zyketti

[ryanj28]

A private message would be nice, but we haven't had memberships as long! Check this out, I had a child with a chick I DID NOT love at all, I was 19 and immature and she turned out to be EXTREMELY CRAZY! We're talking prison time here. So because she did all of that to me, I went on this bitter disregard towards women. Had sex with women I had known and would treat them with some regard, but the second anything started to change from just having sex to wanting more, I instantly turned the shoulder and had no problems with making them feel bad. I got screwed and I almost found some contentment with making them feel the same way. I gradually started to change the way I felt about women and that has become of more recently. 10 years! And I've been married for 5 of them! Horrible.

 

The only reason I share that with you is because of the choices I made I became a single dad at 20, I married a woman I wasn't truly in love with, but I mean she worked well with my kid, she was better than the psycho chick I was with and so whatever, right? Wrong. Life is funny in the sense we sit and we discuss things with people we potentially share a portion of life with. What to name our children, where to live, discussing our individual dreams, dreams together, what our children might look like, what kind of wedding she wants, where our honeymoon should be, what kind of house we want to have, the list goes on! But when we sit there and do those things we forget that LIFE gets in the way of LIFE! You find out you're shooting blanks, we find out she can't get pregnant at all, unpredicted weather can mess up your wedding day, unpredicted weather can even mess up your honeymoon. You realize that you don't want to bring in three kids because of college, the way the world is changing, you both have become financially strained from paying off college loans, family death, etc. Things get in the way, but we like to think about the pretty picture.

 

Someone told me about my divorce, think about what you want. Write it down and how are you going to make it happen. It's evident I don't want to continue my marriage, okay! So now what? What happens after that?

 

You can try to move forward or you can chase that feeling and the girl. Just know that either way it goes, things will change.

[ryanj28]

Another thing, I thought about. What were you guys arguing and fighting about, if you don't mind my asking because there are things that seem like they would be serious because of the "heat of the moment" and then when you re-evaluate them, they are really small in comparison. My wife tries to pull the "remember when we got into the argument about..." and she'll laugh thinking I'm okay with our marriage and I won't find anything funny at all because she has worn me out about thinking we HAVE to disect EVERY SINGLE disagreement we have about EVERY LITTLE THING!!

 

So I'm just curious because when you think about it like this Christmas is in 8 months and a lot can happen in 8 months! Think about the progression a child in 8 months! So what I mean is in 8 months arguments can go from "I really didn't appreciate how you said that and it really hurt me, I want to talk abotu it" in the first couple months to just straight being frustrated over the little things, "why didn't you put the chip clip back on the bag! It's frustrating and it's the principle of the thing!" Principle of the thing with a chip clip? I don't think so!

 

So then you look at the duration of your relationship. In that year and 8 months, were you fighting about EVERYTHING that came along or were you picking your battles wisely? That I've learned in marriage and watching my wife with my oldest child complain about EVERY single thing the oldest does (approaching the teenage years) you realize that not every single disagreement as a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, fiance, mother, or father needs to taken apart.

[zyketti]

A private message would be nice, but we haven't had memberships as long! Check this out, I had a child with a chick I DID NOT love at all, I was 19 and immature and she turned out to be EXTREMELY CRAZY! We're talking prison time here. So because she did all of that to me, I went on this bitter disregard towards women. Had sex with women I had known and would treat them with some regard, but the second anything started to change from just having sex to wanting more, I instantly turned the shoulder and had no problems with making them feel bad. I got screwed and I almost found some contentment with making them feel the same way. I gradually started to change the way I felt about women and that has become of more recently. 10 years! And I've been married for 5 of them! Horrible.

 

The only reason I share that with you is because of the choices I made I became a single dad at 20, I married a woman I wasn't truly in love with, but I mean she worked well with my kid, she was better than the psycho chick I was with and so whatever, right? Wrong. Life is funny in the sense we sit and we discuss things with people we potentially share a portion of life with. What to name our children, where to live, discussing our individual dreams, dreams together, what our children might look like, what kind of wedding she wants, where our honeymoon should be, what kind of house we want to have, the list goes on! But when we sit there and do those things we forget that LIFE gets in the way of LIFE! You find out you're shooting blanks, we find out she can't get pregnant at all, unpredicted weather can mess up your wedding day, unpredicted weather can even mess up your honeymoon. You realize that you don't want to bring in three kids because of college, the way the world is changing, you both have become financially strained from paying off college loans, family death, etc. Things get in the way, but we like to think about the pretty picture.

 

Someone told me about my divorce, think about what you want. Write it down and how are you going to make it happen. It's evident I don't want to continue my marriage, okay! So now what? What happens after that?

 

You can try to move forward or you can chase that feeling and the girl. Just know that either way it goes, things will change.

 

Damn man.. I cannot imagine getting married at the moment. Yes we talked about marriage, but it's a huge deal for me as well as her, and we were thinking maybe 2 years down the road. We wanted to make this work. She wanted to fight for me, hence getting back together after our first breakup. It's just that two days post breakup wasn't enough for me to realize all the problems and how much this relationship meant to me..

 

I am trying to move on. Do my own thing, meet new people. Get closer to my friends again. Trying to realize the negatives of our relationship to move on from this. But every single time I do, I just get reminded of how much she means to me and how much I want her in my life.

 

Granted, she's still in my life. It's the easter week and we have early morning prayers everyday during the week. I saw her this morning, and last morning... She saw me, and I saw her, although we never made eye contact. She left swiftly afterwards. I am sure that she doesn't want to deal with me right now..

[zyketti]

Another thing, I thought about. What were you guys arguing and fighting about, if you don't mind my asking because there are things that seem like they would be serious because of the "heat of the moment" and then when you re-evaluate them, they are really small in comparison. My wife tries to pull the "remember when we got into the argument about..." and she'll laugh thinking I'm okay with our marriage and I won't find anything funny at all because she has worn me out about thinking we HAVE to disect EVERY SINGLE disagreement we have about EVERY LITTLE THING!!

 

So I'm just curious because when you think about it like this Christmas is in 8 months and a lot can happen in 8 months! Think about the progression a child in 8 months! So what I mean is in 8 months arguments can go from "I really didn't appreciate how you said that and it really hurt me, I want to talk abotu it" in the first couple months to just straight being frustrated over the little things, "why didn't you put the chip clip back on the bag! It's frustrating and it's the principle of the thing!" Principle of the thing with a chip clip? I don't think so!

 

So then you look at the duration of your relationship. In that year and 8 months, were you fighting about EVERYTHING that came along or were you picking your battles wisely? That I've learned in marriage and watching my wife with my oldest child complain about EVERY single thing the oldest does (approaching the teenage years) you realize that not every single disagreement as a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, fiance, mother, or father needs to taken apart.

 

Majority of our fights happened at the end of the day. For example, I moved back in with my parents while pursing my grad studies, and her being an undergrad in home town, she lived with parents also. Our sex life was very spontaneous, we'd go over to each other houses as soon as it was empty, or resort to car sex. She really despised car sex at the end, and I wanted more of it. THat led to few fights due to my own frustration. This type of fight caused alot of problems...

 

Another one was... I couldn't take criticism very well. A little bit from her and I'd snap. It was kind of related to my depression and not being able to handle my own problems. There is a saying in this book called "the way of the superior man" and it says that women like to test their men in different ways. Her test, her criticisms towards me, I couldn't handle them.... They weren't even that bad either...

 

Man this breakup still feels like a nightmare...

[zyketti]

There are ton of great advice out there. Keep NC, move on, forget about her, and be single for awhile. Close friends know how much this girl means to me, and remarks that, it doesn't really matter what any of them say, I'm probably going to do what my heart tells me to do.

 

It's been 3 weeks since our breakup. We were together for 1 year and 8 months. We broke up because:

1. Differences - not in core value differences, we share those (Christians, very similar life goals) but things like… She was confused about my inability to handle my problems, my depression/sadness with life basically made me a ticking bomb, every single poke made me explode into an argument. Much have been fixed in 3 weeks (2 jobs & with readings and prayers. Read "the way of the superior man" and 7 habits of effective people).

2. She's too scared for the relationship to screw up again. She also remarked that she wasn't a good gf, not much energy to put into a relationship, and wants to figure herself out. This may take a month, few months, or a year she said.

- She's been working 3 jobs, with heavy involvement at the church.. She basically has like one evening she's free and rest are pretty much occupied.

 

For the life of me, I can't give her up. We talked about marriage kids, etc beforehand. I'm working on myself further, constantly looking for better jobs, reading lots on self-improvement, etc. I'm even kind of seeing a girl… and expand my horizons. Although it's only been 3 weeks, nothing can measure up to this girl. LS says dumper should contact you; but hard-headed, strong-willed woman she is, I'm going to be the one to step it up. I can't let this one go…

 

So why am I posting this? i'm obviously going to take advice from here on with a grain of salt, and follow my heart only. I guess it's just a place for me to rant, and share ideas. Am I just crazy? Do I need a wakeup call? Advice? Comments?

 

Thank you.

[iDrumKing]

3 weeks is not long bud. It took me 2 months before I could get out of bed without feeling like ****.

 

Do not act on these raw emotions. Don't think with your heart, think with your mind. That's what it's there for.

[sooshi]

I agree with IDK that 3 weeks is still really recent. I think you're doing really well!

 

But give her some space and let her figure things out while you continue to figure things out for yourself (and heal!). If she wants to reconcile at some point, she'll reach out to you and then you can see where you're at and discuss it then.

[KaliLove]

3 weeks is not long bud. It took me 2 months before I could get out of bed without feeling like ****.

 

Do not act on these raw emotions. Don't think with your heart, think with your mind. That's what it's there for.

 

The bolded is excellent advice that deserves reposting.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

There are ton of great advice out there. Keep NC, move on, forget about her, and be single for awhile. Close friends know how much this girl means to me, and remarks that, it doesn't really matter what any of them say, I'm probably going to do what my heart tells me to do.

 

It's been 3 weeks since our breakup. We were together for 1 year and 8 months. We broke up because:

1. Differences - not in core value differences, we share those (Christians, very similar life goals) but things like… She was confused about my inability to handle my problems, my depression/sadness with life basically made me a ticking bomb, every single poke made me explode into an argument. Much have been fixed in 3 weeks (2 jobs & with readings and prayers. Read "the way of the superior man" and 7 habits of effective people).

2. She's too scared for the relationship to screw up again. She also remarked that she wasn't a good gf, not much energy to put into a relationship, and wants to figure herself out. This may take a month, few months, or a year she said.

- She's been working 3 jobs, with heavy involvement at the church.. She basically has like one evening she's free and rest are pretty much occupied.

 

For the life of me, I can't give her up. We talked about marriage kids, etc beforehand. I'm working on myself further, constantly looking for better jobs, reading lots on self-improvement, etc. I'm even kind of seeing a girl… and expand my horizons. Although it's only been 3 weeks, nothing can measure up to this girl. LS says dumper should contact you; but hard-headed, strong-willed woman she is, I'm going to be the one to step it up. I can't let this one go…

 

So why am I posting this? i'm obviously going to take advice from here on with a grain of salt, and follow my heart only. I guess it's just a place for me to rant, and share ideas. Am I just crazy? Do I need a wakeup call? Advice? Comments?

 

Thank you.

 

You are on a terrible road. If she wanted to be with you, she would. I get the heartbreak, but you need to start using your brain

[Simon Phoenix]

Unfortunately OP, hearts have s--t for brains most of the time. Your desired plan would win the "worst way" award if you put it into practice.

[zyketti]

Thanks guys...

 

3 weeks is very fresh. I guess I've been plagued by my previous relationship where my ex moved onto another guy a week after a 7 year relationship. That hurt ALOT for a long time. As far as I know, they're living together now (it's been 2 years). I know this girl is different, but there's never any guarantees.

 

I am effectively trying to move on, and even if I do decide to chase this girl and approach her, it won't be for at least a month. I need this month for me to focus on myself, as next month is very important for me. I will get a response back from a school that I've applied to and if all is good, I will have to move (3 hour drive though). We still see each other once a week, not by choice really, through our involvement with church things. But I have not spoken to her, and no interactions through social media.

 

Is it really a bad idea? I've had few breakups in my past, and I just really feel like I can't let this one go..

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks guys...

 

3 weeks is very fresh. I guess I've been plagued by my previous relationship where my ex moved onto another guy a week after a 7 year relationship. That hurt ALOT for a long time. As far as I know, they're living together now (it's been 2 years). I know this girl is different, but there's never any guarantees.

 

I am effectively trying to move on, and even if I do decide to chase this girl and approach her, it won't be for at least a month. I need this month for me to focus on myself, as next month is very important for me. I will get a response back from a school that I've applied to and if all is good, I will have to move (3 hour drive though). We still see each other once a week, not by choice really, through our involvement with church things. But I have not spoken to her, and no interactions through social media.

 

Is it really a bad idea? I've had few breakups in my past, and I just really feel like I can't let this one go..

 

It's about as good of an idea as jumping out of a plane without a parachute.