Nimbus4dt Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Hi all, Long story, met a lovely girl 35 and got on great, started dating, was very intense, both had the same long term ideas re life so full speed ahead we went, rash, naive and foolish. (we should have known better), I am older 42. After 2 months she fell pregnant, also moved in. At first I was delighted but after reflection and reality sunk in I was up for having a termination, she did not wish for this but eventually decided it was for the best. Meanwhile I shut down emotionally and was cold towards her, we did not communicate as I suspected we didn't really know each other well enough. She went away and lived at a friends (4 months ago), she also called off the relationship. I acknowledge I did wrong and have been trying to understand my actions and cause of them via counseling etc. Come Feb, we started to chat, meeting for coffee, she was angry to start but we got on well, I dearly wanted to reconcile. We went through the various reasons it all happened the way it did etc.. we got on very well although there was still a lot of anger. We moved on as time passed, seeing each other 2-3 times a week, texting etc. me still wishing to get back together and her stating that she just wishes to have time out, have some space and get herself back together. Last month, the inevitable happened and we went to bed, joyous loving although she did state at one time it was just sex but we both have feelings as its clear. So this complicated things somewhat, we slept together regularly since that moment. I was eager to get on with a relationship and her not so, she was fine for a day or two after meeting but then her head would take charge and she would be headstrong and slightly cold. Last week was lovely, her birthday, so woke up beside her on her B-day morning and then I had a week's holiday. So on the Tuesday she informs me that we need to have a clean break to evaluate our feelings for each other for a period of 2 months. Go NC, I asked her to leave me alone unless she was in a position to add value to my life or wish to be in a relationship, but a text arrives, stupidly I replied and obviously did not get a reply. So now she is on holiday this week with a girlfriend for a week. So what to do, sit and wait, see what happens, go NC (this I need to do as have done all the running etc ) and see if she gets in contact (she does regularly but non committal) These are just the basics but am unsure what to do, she is not seeing anyone and I doubt she is currently interested but am sure over time she maybe. So is she genuine or am I just the reserve back up ego/sexual support. She is obviously thinking about a reconciliation but wants to be sure its the right thing to do (she says!!) So any thoughts on the above, guess the thing to do is chill out and get on with life. cheers
Chi townD Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 So is she genuine or am I just the reserve back up ego/sexual support. ^^^ This^^^ Sounds like she's cooling her heels with you until someone else comes along. And as soon as that happens, she'll kick you to the curb.
Trovador Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Your life will be much better without her... give her all the space she so eagerly needs... do not see nor care if she gets in contact... go away and stop the madness... you deserve more than breadcrumbs, my friend, but I guess she is keeping the bread (the real bread) for next guy...
Author Nimbus4dt Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Your life will be much better without her... give her all the space she so eagerly needs... do not see nor care if she gets in contact... go away and stop the madness... you deserve more than breadcrumbs, my friend, but I guess she is keeping the bread (the real bread) for next guy... Yes, I do think this at times although (there always is an if or a but somewhere!) Fundamentally our relationship framework was great apart from our hiccup due to pregnancy and my reaction to it. Her family/friends are shocked that she is even speaking to me, she professes that time out for a while will make it easier for them to come to terms with. I do think or did think she is the real deal, I do love her, she says she does me but currently will not commit to a relationship, although will see what her views are after her holiday, we will not have spoken or seen each other for 2 weeks. I did ask her to leave me alone unless she was in a position to actually add value to my life instead of taking, to which her reply was via e-mail "speak soonish" What the hell does that mean?? When she is committed she is great, nothing like I have experienced before, we just bond. Saying a brake for 2 months was her sister's idea as it worked for her and her partner (they are now married with 3 children) I am aware that maybe i am glossing over or delusional maybe about this. Normally I would have walked/ran a long time ago, but she has me fixated due to how we got on and of late we have got on better than ever, so I assume it'll come as quite a shock to go NC for a period of time. I do question my sanity at times, its easy to over evaluate everything all the time but 4 days into NC, its ok, very bad days and slightly better days so far. Not blocked her number but am questioning myself as to if I should, after all if she has something to say to me then she only lives 5 mins drive away so she can come and say it to my face!
Koans Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Did she come out of a long term within 6 months prior to meeting you.
Author Nimbus4dt Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Did she come out of a long term within 6 months prior to meeting you. 9 month relationship, so I could have been the rebound relationship. She did want a break/space before we got together but I was very persuasive and we got stuck into it, we rushed!!
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