southernhemi Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Hi all Just putting it out there to see what everyone has to say... Long story kind of cut short. I met a man 15 years my senior (i'm 33) three months ago, who actively pursued me. Constant texting, calling, skyping... In the first few days, he kept asking me out... I lived in a different city at the time we met me i was finalising plans to relocate to the same city as him in a few weeks. During my time in my city, he skyped and called/texted me every day. I visited him a couple of times and we took trips away with his friends. I eventually moved to the same city. He helped me move. Up until the day I moved, communication was constant. We had feelings for each other but in my mind, although, i wasn't ready for a relationship, a relationship with him the future seemed to bode well with me. He works shift work 6 days on, 4 days off, and he is also going through some health issues at the moment which he finds restricting. He also told me his last relationship was a doozy (my words) as towards the end, she ended up telling him how he was a loser etc. It turns out we have mutual friends, and they have nothing bad to say of him. During our "getting to know each other" phase, he found me to be a positive impact in his life and we agreed that our friendship was something that came at the right time in both of our lives. Throughout the course, he mentioned that he valued my friendship and didn't want to jeporadise it in any way. The day after I moved back we were relaxing and he said that he had feelings for me but didn't want to jump into a relationship he felt he couldn't fulfil. I replied by saying "What I am hearing is that you don't want to be in a relationship, with me?" He said that wasn't the case, that he thought about it and he in his head, he thought why would i want to be with someone that this would be their life (some days, he can't even get out of bed... he has fatigue issues, and only gets up to get to work) I thanked him for his honesty and said that i was here for him if and whenever he needed a friend. He said that he was shocked as he expected screaming and tears to happen. I said that i couldn't force anything and that it was good to know now rather than six months down the track. We stayed in constant contact up until a week ago.... I haven't heard from him in three days. NOW, realistically and thinking with my head, i know this is a good thing as we have established friendship boundaries. However, i don't know if it is because i got addicted to hearing from him every day or what... but i'm wandering wtf is going on. During our "dating" phase, if you can call it that, he did really well to get out and about with me, but i did see that it had an impact on him,,,it would really knock him out and make him tired. Im not making excuses for him, but realistically i'm thinking he's not romantically interested in me anymore and i am okay with that... but what about friendship? I am having a down night and can't help thinking there is another girl. I don't want to text him just incase he feels i'm still into him. I really do value him as a person. But then, i'm thinking, as a friend, i don't triple think when i text my other friends.... Do i text him, or just wait...
Emilia Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I think it would be best for you to move on and not have contact with him anymore. I gather he came to the same conclusion. 2
slizl Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 You are 33 with plenty of options. I wouldn't waste my time. 1
atlg8r Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I find that shifting gears into friendship doesn't come so easily. You may need some time to let go of those feelings. I agree with you - with a real platonic friend, you wouldn't think much of if you should text or call or not. Don't worry about what he is doing. Make a decision to take care of yourself. 1
Author southernhemi Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Thanks everyone for your replies. Very accurate and realistic
Recommended Posts