billystalented Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I had been dating this guy only for a few months, and in that time he had treated me wonderfully. (He texted me every day, showered me with compliments, held my hand in public, I met a bunch of his friends, and he met a bunch of mine, among other things. Everyone told me they could see how crazy he was about me) We met through mutual friends (the friend he knew is dating my best friend), and we had immediately hit it off. We went on a few dates, and he told his family and friends about me, and basically gushed about me all the time. After about a month of dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was SO nervous to do it, because our mutual friend said he had called four times worried that I would say no. The week before he broke up with me, he told our mutual friend that he could see us being in a long term relationship. He bought us concert tickets for the summer, made camping plans for the spring and I was already talking about meeting my family for Easter. Things were going perfectly, until the day after his birthday. We had made plans that evening to go out with a girl I worked with, and he texted me that morning to ask if he could cancel and go to the game with his friends. I was annoyed, and (here's where I made my mistake) I texted him this giant text about how my ex used to treat me like that and how I didn't appreciate it at all. Woops. (He had been drinking the night before and was hungover) After a phone call, he broke up with me right there saying that he just didn't want a relationship, and that he had thought about it for the last couple of days. He told me there that he had been living with his now ex-girlfriend 7 months ago (I didn't know--I was under the impression it was a year ago), and didn't want this. (We had hung out for 3 days just before this and he said nothing to me--there was no indication that he wanted to break up) Anyways, that was that. I just accepted it without begging or crying because I was in shock, and that was the last time we spoke. I was devastated because everything was going so well. Two days before we broke up, he had introduced me to another one of his close friends, there were no red flags! Fast forward to two weeks later, and he was at our mutual friends house. The conversation went something like this: My friend: Hey ..... how's it going? Him: Ehh, I've been better My friend: I heard you and ...... didn't work out, I'm sorry to hear that. Him: Yeah, to be honest I feel kind of foolish about the whole thing. My friend: About breaking up with her, or about how you handled it? Him: Both. My friend: Well do you want to get back together with her? Him: I don't know. I was very hungover and cranky and tired, and I got this text and she was comparing me to her ex boyfriend, and all I could think was 'I didn't sign up for this!' and so I broke up with her. I don't feel good about it, but at the same time, I don't know if I want a girlfriend. My friend: Fair enough. Well ...... is a pretty reasonable girl, im sure if you wanted to work it out she could reason with you. Just don't go back unless you're 100 percent sure. Him: yeah So fast forward again to the next week. I get a call from my friend saying that he just told her boyfriend (the mutual friend) that he wants to get back together with me, that he made an impulse decision and wants to make it work. (I was not supposed to know any of this) I was excited, but I didn't hear anything all day. The next day, I was getting gas and of all the people I ran into, it was my "ex". He was friendly, asking how I was but I was running late and was so taken aback that I ran into him, that i guess I came off really rude. After that, he called our mutual friend and told him that I came off cold and uninterested in talking. He was really thrown off by my reaction. I ended up texting him late that afternoon with something along the lines of "sorry for the awkward run in this afternoon, i was running a bit late. Let me know if you want to chat sometime!" and later that night he responded with "hi ..... yeah i thought i caught you a bit off guard there. I'd be down for a chat sometime soon" I replied the next morning with "My week is a bit hectic but let me know of a time that works for you and I can work something out" I thought it was promising, but that was a week and a half ago and I haven't heard anything since. All of my female friends are saying he's being a flaky jerk and to just not contact him again, but one of my guy friends (the only guy perspective I have) said that it sounds like he needs a nudge and that he wouldn't have taken my text message as a hint. He told me to talk to him and just say "hey, I'm willing to give this another try if you are, and if not, I'll move on." and stick with that. If he says no, then I need to accept that and move on. If he says yes, then start from scratch. I need some opinions. I don't have any closure and I feel like this would be a good way to get it if he says no, but I haven't contacted him at all since the break up ( a month ago) except after the gas station incident. I don't want to look needy! Sorry this is so long, I'm stuck as to what to do! I really like him
Tressugar Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 (edited) Listen to your girlfriends; men don't need a nudge to go after women they want or interested in. Let him show you interest aka pursue you. The ball's in his court. GL! Edited April 11, 2014 by Tressugar 1
mangetout Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I would cut the chase and ask him straight. Life is too short for what ifs and maybes and who knows. You heard that he wants to retry so just ask him. If he is still unsure then at least you know to go NC and move on. You don't need to wait for someone's undecisiveness
Author billystalented Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 Thanks, I'm going to try getting in contact with him and see if we can get together. I agree, I'm the type of person who has a hard time with what ifs.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I would cut the chase and ask him straight. Life is too short for what ifs and maybes and who knows. You heard that he wants to retry so just ask him. If he is still unsure then at least you know to go NC and move on. You don't need to wait for someone's undecisiveness If he wants to retry he can ask her. 1
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