jefermelesyeux Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 hey everyone. though all signs seem to point to moving on, i'm looking for some advice. been talking to this guy in dc (mind you, i'm in western ny) for 6 months now. we've maintained regular contact, a few times a week, at the very least just once, ever since we met online back in october. in december, i was able to meet him when he was in town, as he used to live here a few years ago. even after we met, contact was still maintained regularly, up until late-march. the last time he attempted to contact me was the 25th. i missed the call, called right back (but he was at work), and i've heard nothing since. it's been two week and two days. in that time span, i've called once more, and sent him an email just to say i hope he's well. this just isn't like him- this is the longest we've gone without talking. this saturday will be 4 weeks since the last time we actually spoke. he is much busier than i am and has a lot more going on than i do, but he's always made time to talk, even if only for twenty minutes. he's always called when he said he would, so flakiness isn't really an issue. i don't dismiss the possibility that he met someone else or just isn't interested in me anymore, he told me once before that he'd tell me if he didn't want to keep talking. i have some friends who tell me it's probably nothing personal, that maybe he's just been busier than average. and then i have others who tell me he's not worth the worrying or my time and that i should just move on. i could understand pulling 'the fade' after a few weeks or even a month maybe. but after 6 months? it's just so abrupt and doesn't add up. i know 'the fade' never makes any sense...but i don't know. how long does it take to reply to a simple email? maybe 2 minutes of someone's time? and yet he hasn't. but something still tells me i'll hear from him soon. maybe it's just the voice of false hope. just know, we aren't together. it'd be a bigger deal if we were, but we're not. he doesn't need to call me more frequently. but 6 months of more frequent contact and sudden disappearance for 2+ weeks doesn't sit well with me. thoughts? be as brutal and honest as you'd like.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 hey everyone. though all signs seem to point to moving on, i'm looking for some advice. been talking to this guy in dc (mind you, i'm in western ny) for 6 months now. we've maintained regular contact, a few times a week, at the very least just once, ever since we met online back in october. in december, i was able to meet him when he was in town, as he used to live here a few years ago. even after we met, contact was still maintained regularly, up until late-march. the last time he attempted to contact me was the 25th. i missed the call, called right back (but he was at work), and i've heard nothing since. it's been two week and two days. in that time span, i've called once more, and sent him an email just to say i hope he's well. this just isn't like him- this is the longest we've gone without talking. this saturday will be 4 weeks since the last time we actually spoke. he is much busier than i am and has a lot more going on than i do, but he's always made time to talk, even if only for twenty minutes. he's always called when he said he would, so flakiness isn't really an issue. i don't dismiss the possibility that he met someone else or just isn't interested in me anymore, he told me once before that he'd tell me if he didn't want to keep talking. i have some friends who tell me it's probably nothing personal, that maybe he's just been busier than average. and then i have others who tell me he's not worth the worrying or my time and that i should just move on. i could understand pulling 'the fade' after a few weeks or even a month maybe. but after 6 months? it's just so abrupt and doesn't add up. i know 'the fade' never makes any sense...but i don't know. how long does it take to reply to a simple email? maybe 2 minutes of someone's time? and yet he hasn't. but something still tells me i'll hear from him soon. maybe it's just the voice of false hope. just know, we aren't together. it'd be a bigger deal if we were, but we're not. he doesn't need to call me more frequently. but 6 months of more frequent contact and sudden disappearance for 2+ weeks doesn't sit well with me. thoughts? be as brutal and honest as you'd like. Certainly not 2 weeks! He's not interested any more. That's my honest opinion. Nobody is so busy that they can't reply to a text/call/email within 2 weeks, particularly when you were in otherwise regular contact. For whatever reason, he's choosing not to contact you. My instinct is that he's met someone else and trying to drop a hint that he's not interested in maintaining contact with you. I wouldn't reach out again; he knows how to get in touch if he wants to. 1
justwhoiam Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Something I learned by myself through experience is: - if a man's interested, it usually shows - contact intensifies, if the man has a goal in his head - if contact slows down with a friend, a man can resume it exactly from where he left it, no big deal I think that you're just a chat buddy. I'm not saying he was not seeing any potential with you, but just something that looked far away in time and space, therefore not bringing any result in the now and here. I don't know enough about him to say why he sort of went MIA with you. It could be for a number of reasons: busy days/schedules or he's devoting his free time to something else at the moment (like planning a vacation, or exercising in some sport), or his energies are focusing on someone else, or even he realized he's not interested in doing anything with you. Give him the time to come back and see how long he can go without talking to you. I guess you might come in handy as soon as he'll have a problem and need someone to talk to. What was the deal when you met him in person? Like: we have a nice friendship and we'll keep talking? Or? 1
Author jefermelesyeux Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 Something I learned by myself through experience is: - if a man's interested, it usually shows - contact intensifies, if the man has a goal in his head - if contact slows down with a friend, a man can resume it exactly from where he left it, no big deal I think that you're just a chat buddy. I'm not saying he was not seeing any potential with you, but just something that looked far away in time and space, therefore not bringing any result in the now and here. I don't know enough about him to say why he sort of went MIA with you. It could be for a number of reasons: busy days/schedules or he's devoting his free time to something else at the moment (like planning a vacation, or exercising in some sport), or his energies are focusing on someone else, or even he realized he's not interested in doing anything with you. Give him the time to come back and see how long he can go without talking to you. I guess you might come in handy as soon as he'll have a problem and need someone to talk to. What was the deal when you met him in person? Like: we have a nice friendship and we'll keep talking? Or? Well, we met on the basis that we were (are) both looking for a relationship, at the very least a friendship. There was definitely a mutual attraction and a spark to begin with. We would spend hours talking on the phone about all kinds of things. When we met in December, we didn't clarify what exactly we had going. That said, it was the first meeting so I didn't want to put pressure on him or the situation. Though I definitely felt the chemistry when we were together. And when we parted ways that evening, we agreed that we wished we could spend more time together. The next time he will be in town is in the summer, and he showed an interest in getting together again then. But now I doubt that'll happen. Update: I went against my better judgment yesterday and sent him a message in the dating website we met on. I realize I shouldn't have done it, but my thinking was that I would be able to see when he read it. The message's tone was relaxed and playful so I wouldn't come off as creepy. But sure enough, he read it and never responded. I guess I have my answer.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 Well, we met on the basis that we were (are) both looking for a relationship, at the very least a friendship. There was definitely a mutual attraction and a spark to begin with. We would spend hours talking on the phone about all kinds of things. When we met in December, we didn't clarify what exactly we had going. That said, it was the first meeting so I didn't want to put pressure on him or the situation. Though I definitely felt the chemistry when we were together. And when we parted ways that evening, we agreed that we wished we could spend more time together. The next time he will be in town is in the summer, and he showed an interest in getting together again then. But now I doubt that'll happen. Update: I went against my better judgment yesterday and sent him a message in the dating website we met on. I realize I shouldn't have done it, but my thinking was that I would be able to see when he read it. The message's tone was relaxed and playful so I wouldn't come off as creepy. But sure enough, he read it and never responded. I guess I have my answer. *facepalm* Girlfriend. No! It does look a little creepy because you've already called/emailed with no response. Enough now. For whatever reason, he's not into it anymore. Delete his number, email address, social media, etc. Chalk it up to experience - when someone doesn't respond to you, they're trying to send you a message. (albeit an indirect and cowardly one)
Kinetic Phantom Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I think you should try to forget about him and let it go. He's not interested and he wants nothing to do with you. He probably met a new girl. I don't have a lot of experience in life: I'm only 17. But this is my experience. I was in a relationship with a girl who lived 10 hours from me. We maintained an online relationship through skype and texting for about a month and a week. She didn't do the slow fade out on me. She just disappeared without saying a word to me. I got no closure what so ever. As it turns out, she met a guy in person one weekend and fell in love with him. After she met him, she wanted nothing to do with me. I begged and pleaded for her to talk to me. But all she did was ignore me. And she eventually blocked me on facebook. For me it was constant contact for a little over a month. And that instantly switched to no contact at all. I was confused. It was painful. And it still is. This happened quite recently. But if I were you, I'd move on. I don't think there's anything you can say to him to make him change his mind.
Chewbacca Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I think you should try to forget about him and let it go. He's not interested and he wants nothing to do with you. He probably met a new girl. I don't have a lot of experience in life: I'm only 17. But this is my experience. I was in a relationship with a girl who lived 10 hours from me. We maintained an online relationship through skype and texting for about a month and a week. She didn't do the slow fade out on me. She just disappeared without saying a word to me. I got no closure what so ever. As it turns out, she met a guy in person one weekend and fell in love with him. After she met him, she wanted nothing to do with me. I begged and pleaded for her to talk to me. But all she did was ignore me. And she eventually blocked me on facebook. For me it was constant contact for a little over a month. And that instantly switched to no contact at all. I was confused. It was painful. And it still is. This happened quite recently. But if I were you, I'd move on. I don't think there's anything you can say to him to make him change his mind. ] I am also currently going under the same problem as the two of you. A girl that found me on a social media site after seeing me in the same holiday resort. Seemed really nice & special. We had 5 months of regular contact, it was going perfect. But once I brought up about meeting in the future, she became distant & said she wouldn't cope with the 3 hour distance & 'wanted to stay friends.' She hasn't found anyone else, but she seems to have different personalities. With her family & a certain group of friends, really sweet, but different overly-confident with another. I really don't know what to do with myself, I can't move on to be honest. I really want to speak to her after a month of silence.
TMichaels Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 *facepalm* Girlfriend. No! It does look a little creepy because you've already called/emailed with no response. I think you should try to forget about him and let it go. He's not interested and he wants nothing to do with you. He probably met a new girl. Not that it matters, I suppose, but I believe the OP is a guy. Best, TMichaels
Author jefermelesyeux Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Not that it matters, I suppose, but I believe the OP is a guy. Best, TMichaels LOL, yes. I'm a guy. He's a guy. We both like guys. But that doesn't matter really. You guys all raise valid points and I appreciate all the input. And he didn't pull the "slow fade out" on me either- just abrupt silence. I'm sure I contacted him too many times and I should've stopped while I was ahead. But when I get in my head and start to really think about it, I become frustrated and angry and almost want to force him to give me a plausible excuse. Obviously I won't take that route. But at this point, I'm finding it difficult to not reminisce and think about all the great conversations we had and the time we were able to meet. It may seem like I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it is, since we were never even together. But I really liked this guy. And I'm a decent person, all I expect is the same. It isn't often when I meet someone that I feel like I have a real connection with. And with this guy I certainly felt the connection. So it's disappointing that that's all a moot point now. I know I'll be fine eventually, but for the time being it's hard.
soccerrprp Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Wow, this is way overboard on the analyzing....why does it matter? He is moving on with his life. You two are not dating and you've only been pen-pals of convenience, nothing more. You two weren't even communicating that much in the first place. If he's smart (and you should be), he should be dating someone more local and not spending time communicating with what amounts to a "pen pal."
Author jefermelesyeux Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 Wow, this is way overboard on the analyzing....why does it matter? He is moving on with his life. You two are not dating and you've only been pen-pals of convenience, nothing more. You two weren't even communicating that much in the first place. If he's smart (and you should be), he should be dating someone more local and not spending time communicating with what amounts to a "pen pal." Did you read this at all? We were more than "pen pals." We talked multiple times a week for 6 months. Don't be rude. There's nothing wrong with choosing to date someone in another state/LD. It's the way some people choose to do things.
Kinetic Phantom Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 LOL, yes. I'm a guy. He's a guy. We both like guys. But that doesn't matter really. You guys all raise valid points and I appreciate all the input. And he didn't pull the "slow fade out" on me either- just abrupt silence. I'm sure I contacted him too many times and I should've stopped while I was ahead. But when I get in my head and start to really think about it, I become frustrated and angry and almost want to force him to give me a plausible excuse. Obviously I won't take that route. But at this point, I'm finding it difficult to not reminisce and think about all the great conversations we had and the time we were able to meet. It may seem like I'm making a bigger deal out of this than it is, since we were never even together. But I really liked this guy. And I'm a decent person, all I expect is the same. It isn't often when I meet someone that I feel like I have a real connection with. And with this guy I certainly felt the connection. So it's disappointing that that's all a moot point now. I know I'll be fine eventually, but for the time being it's hard. I really relate to that. I'm a guy and for me it was with a girl, but that doesn't matter because it's the same thing. Last night I had a dream about her. When I woke up from it, all the memories of her that I didn't want to think about came flooding back. At this point, I don't want to get back with her because I know it won't work. But, I just so badly miss the affection and all the good feelings. I never got closure-- she never took even 2 seconds to reply to anything. And it just left me in the dust feeling more lonely then ever. I too know it will be fine eventually, but for the time being she won't leave my mind. Some people don't seem to realize that you can develop very strong connections and feelings for someone in a long distance relationship. You still think about them all the time and they can make you so happy. So when you get dumped an completely ignored, the pain can still be very bad.
Kinetic Phantom Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Wow, this is way overboard on the analyzing....why does it matter? He is moving on with his life. You two are not dating and you've only been pen-pals of convenience, nothing more. You two weren't even communicating that much in the first place. If he's smart (and you should be), he should be dating someone more local and not spending time communicating with what amounts to a "pen pal." I'd like to add that when I got in a relationship with my ex, I wasn't trying to get into a long distance relationship. The thought never crossed my mind. I just developed a huge crush on her andall i thought about so there was no other choice for me but to try it out. And she was way more than a pen pal. Lots and lots of phone calls and video calls every day.
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