confused05 Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Hello all this is my first time posting here. Im looking for some relationship advice and maybe some info that could help me. Ive been dating a girl for about 8 months. ( first 6 months was perfect ) We grew very close together. We agreed we both were so happy we met each other etc etc. We started staying at each others houses and at the point now where we kinda live together but dont. She stays over atleast 5 nights a week but we dont really live together.. Recently i would notice her a little un happy and when it came to talking she said she felt suffocated and like I depend on her to much. Like i depend on her to call me or to be home when I get home. She kinda is the tough one in the relationship also so im usually the one not getting mad and trying to make sense out of stuff when shes yelling or upset etc ( good guy syndrome a little ) But I dont let her walk on me im just more easy going. Eventually we started talking about moving out to our own place and started buying stuff for our place. ( She initiated this ) I just followed and was happy about it. Now shes talking about slowing things down and that she feels how she feels. Now we are still together. I have eased up a bit on her staying over as much gave her the option to do things she wants to do so she doesnt feel so trapped etc. Slowed down alot on mushy text messages and phone calls etc. Im just wondering can this be fixed? or is the image that i suffocate her and depend on her PERMANENT? Like I said we talked about this we didnt break up. Ive read alot on this forum that has made me understand stuff alot better and im just wondering if its too late to turn this around or if i play my cards right for a bit ill be in great shape again? She is in love we me, we have pictures of each other all over and def wanna make this happen. Shes just been quite lately and brought up the whole suffocation thing but has never really brought up FLAT OUT LETS BREAK UP! she still makes dinner for me etc and hangs out with me alot but i have noticed a big decrease in the ( I LOVE YOUS ) but that could be more back to the taken it slower. ANY ADVICE or inside info from a female would be so apreciated! Im just very concerned about making this work and bringing back the fun and excitement to see me we had at first... Thanks
GirlDown Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 she told you what she wants you want you to do, so you don't need advice. back off a little. ASK her if she is staying over instead of insisting or just expecting it so she has a choice. 9 out of 10 she will choose to. if not, then you say "okay, call me tomorrow when you get a chance." she knows you want her around so you don't have to prove it. give her some room. that's all.
Author confused05 Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 Thanks, Yeah thats what im thinking. She says she kinda misses seeing her friends and stuff like that. She just feels that I expect her to be home when I get home or to have plans with me automatically etc she wants to just be able to make decisions etc without a prob So does this look fixable from what i have described? Does it sound like Im doing the right thing by backing off a little bit etc? Thanks
Cecelius Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 She gets high marks from me for saying what she feels. You should have been able to detect this coming. It's too late, frankly, for any major turn around. At best, you can get your game back to where she won't start being "confused" about what she wants. I'd back way off -- just start getting busier. You two probably just spent too much time together. Stop with the phone calls and text messages. Spend 2-3 nights per week together, have dates and have fun.
Author confused05 Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 Thats what im hoping to do.. Just slow stuff down alot so she will start to look foward again to being with me and having fun. She still does alot of things like tonight shes making me dinner on her own. I dont tell her to do this she just wants too. But shes also going out tonight with her friends and im not tagging along and after that she can either go home to sleep or come to my house but its her decision and she is well aware of that. Like I said she still loves me just feels too much the only confusing part is she was all for this strong stuff and then wanted to slow down it wasnt like i did it on my own.
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 It sounds fixable, but definitely back off in a big way. Find lots of activities of your own, give her space, let her come back to you. In the longer term, resist her impulses to move in etc unless they're consistent over time. Holding her back gently is far safer than letting her overcommit then panic...
Author confused05 Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 Yeah I plan on giving her the space she needs, there is quite a bit of the day shes alone. I work 8am - 5pm mon - fri and she works ( mon, wed, thurs, every other friday and saterday 4-10 or 11 So I only see usually before bed on the nights she works besides when we goto the gym. maybe on those nights that she would come to sleep over I should just let her go home to sleep or let her know that she has a choice, so she doesnt feel obligated. we have joint gym membership. I have cut back on the text messages alot and dont call alot either besides to see if we are doing anything and thats it.., I think this is going to do it. I have to stay strong and do my best. I really dont want to screw up something that could be really good for us. Were both 26 years old and I have a carrer on my hands and shes in school which I co signed for her to goto. So she can get out of waitressing and start a carreer as well.
Author confused05 Posted February 2, 2005 Author Posted February 2, 2005 Anyone else have any good advice or info? It does seem to be improving just takeing it day by day! The hardest part is when Im at work thinking about it at my desk!
Author confused05 Posted February 2, 2005 Author Posted February 2, 2005 I tried to edit my above post but couldnt.. Yesterday we were suppose to goto the gym but she was going out at 10pm with her girlfriend and it was already 7 so she says to me wanna just skip the gym so we can at least hang out for a little while. So that seems that now she is slowly wanting to hang out on her own without pressure. I hope im viewing this correct! Im really just trying to figure this whole thing out so dont make unwanted mistakes. I have learned so much already by just reading and talking to people!
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