love1336x Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I am a very busy person. Full time student (four classes) and two jobs. I have no "real" break to relax, not even on the weekend because that's when I work my 2nd job. I feel bad for my boyfriend because at the end of the day... I am simply not in the mood to get some.... all i want to do is shower, eat, and sleep and repeat my busy day again. I have pity sex with him sometimes and that's like the worse sex ever because all I can think about all the stuff I have to do the next day... and I just want him to cum! I love him, but he's doesn't understand he takes it so personal when I don't want sex. He thinks it's him, but I cannot force my brain and body to want sex. I know that sex is important to men..., so i feel maybe offer an open relationship so he can get some? Or break up therefore he can find somebody who isn't busy. I love my boyfriend and all, but my relationship not my priority, but I wont throw away school or quit my jobs for him.
central Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I think you have your priorities right, have correctly analyzed your circumstances and feelings, and have laid out the available options. How much longer are you in school? That probably helps select the best solution. That, and how likely you think it is that this relationship could lead to something good and permanent. The easiest answer is to break up, freeing you both to pursue your priorities. Opening the relationship could easily lead to a break up if he finds someone else who is more available and at least as appealing as you. However, that could take time, and time often creates new options. You seem like the kind of person who could and would discuss this with him rationally and give him a choice, and I think that would be the best way to approach it.
Grumpybutfun Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 You will always be busy in life so try to find a man with a low or non existent sex drive. Don't marry a man who likes and needs sex because once you have children, you really have no time and always feel tired so don't put some guy with needs through that. It is good you understand your limitations, now release the bf to find someone sexually compatible because this has to do with your drive and not your schedule. Your priorities aren't aligned with his so this is incredibly unfair to your bf. Many women who have full time jobs, in school and have children find time and energy for lovemaking. I married one. People deserve to be a priority in our lives so if we can't do that, we need to be kind and let them go. Good luck, Grumps
Atlantico Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) but my relationship not my priority ...you said it all: jut call it quits and end your boyfriend´s misery for Christ sake ...also may be your sexual disinterest it´s not all about your busy schedule, but rather a disguised lack of sexual attraction for your bf, just ask yourself if you were dating somebody else you might fancy would you feel like having sex ... Edited April 10, 2014 by Atlantico 4
chris21422 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I went through this before with my ex gf of 2 years. I am the man so I know how your boyfriend feels right now. When a man face this problem they either just cheat or find other woman who can give their needs.. So what you need to do is to talk with him and tell him how you feel... Don't just break up right away. If he doesn't understand you when you already explained everything then It's time to let him go and focus on your goals instead.
True Gent Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 If you don't have any interest in making love to your partner then call it a day. My ex was like this with me for years, we even went to therapy it made no difference. I never strayed at all because I only wanted her, but the feelings of rejection and the kind of sex where she just wanted me to come and went through the motions was really horrific to be honest. A real major confidence killer. In the end she went off sleeping with someone else so all that therapy, lack of energy and time turned out to be BS. I'm not saying that's true with you by the way. You do need to let him go though... He'll end up resenting you. 3
Black Cement Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Sounds so familiar. My ex worked 12 hours a day. I cooked dinner, she did homework, showered then went to bed. When I was in the mood she still had sex with me after a long day. It felt like she wasn't connected, and said "are you gonna cum yet babe?" I guess I didn't realize what it was like to be in her position, So I feel for you. 1
Author love1336x Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 ...you said it all: jut call it quits and end your boyfriend´s misery for Christ sake ...also may be your sexual disinterest it´s not all about your busy schedule, but rather a disguised lack of sexual attraction for your bf, just ask yourself if you were dating somebody else you might fancy would you feel like having sex ... Lol, I don't even touch my own self to get pleasure anymore, so if another man did come along looking like Hugh Jackman I would not want to have sex with him because my body & brain won't be into it! My sex drive is DEAD like a door knob. Once I finally get a break from school I hope things will be different because at least mentally I won't be all screwy. 1
Author love1336x Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 Why can't people be content with spending time with one another? Why must body fluids be exchange in order to bond love? why can't snuggling in bed, watching mindless tv, laughing about the stupid stuff that happened that day be enough? Why must sex be involved? I still spend time with him with the free time I do have! I get sex is great & wonderful but why must it be EVERYTHING?
KaliLove Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I'm gonna have to go with some of the other posters here and say that it seems like maybe you're just not all that attracted to him but it's hidden behind a veil of exhaustion. You said yourself that your relationship is not your priority right now, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not really fair to your boyfriend. Someone who is truly interested in the other person would find a way to make time for them. You're choosing not to make time for him and that says a lot. I think it's time to let him go find someone who will so you can both be happy. 1
KaliLove Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Why can't people be content with spending time with one another? Why must body fluids be exchange in order to bond love? why can't snuggling in bed, watching mindless tv, laughing about the stupid stuff that happened that day be enough? Why must sex be involved? I still spend time with him with the free time I do have! I get sex is great & wonderful but why must it be EVERYTHING? Men bond through sex, women have to bond to be emotionally able to give sex. 2
True Gent Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Why can't people be content with spending time with one another? Why must body fluids be exchange in order to bond love? why can't snuggling in bed, watching mindless tv, laughing about the stupid stuff that happened that day be enough? Why must sex be involved? I still spend time with him with the free time I do have! I get sex is great & wonderful but why must it be EVERYTHING? Because that's the difference between roommates or friends and being a fully connected couple. 4
Black Cement Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Why can't people be content with spending time with one another? Why must body fluids be exchange in order to bond love? why can't snuggling in bed, watching mindless tv, laughing about the stupid stuff that happened that day be enough? Why must sex be involved? I still spend time with him with the free time I do have! I get sex is great & wonderful but why must it be EVERYTHING? for me, as a guy, sex is the highest point in connecting with my girlfriend. they say theres five parts of love, and physical touch is my main one. but for my ex, it was quality time. we'd do it twice a day, then her sex drive died like yours. the times she denied me of sex, it really hurt. shows how men and women are different.
tlegend Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Sex, to me, is the ultimate sign of passion and love you can give someone you love. You allow them to explore your body...your temple, if you will... and in order to do so, you grant them an immeasurable amount of trust. Sure....sex is sex when you're young. But making love to someone you're absolutely in love with.... you'll never find anything more intimate and passionate. Ever. My 2 cents. (Yes, I would end a relationship if we weren't on the same sexual schedule.)
oracle Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Set him free, and don't date for a very very long time (when your whole mind set changes)
AncientEchos Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Why can't people be content with spending time with one another? Why must body fluids be exchange in order to bond love? why can't snuggling in bed, watching mindless tv, laughing about the stupid stuff that happened that day be enough? Why must sex be involved? I still spend time with him with the free time I do have! I get sex is great & wonderful but why must it be EVERYTHING? While quality time, cuddling, laughing, watching TV/movies and loving each other is a must, sex is what separates friends from lovers. Its the difference between being in a loving fulfilling relationship versus being friends or roommates. It really is that simple. 3
Mr.Pine Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Why can't people be content with spending time with one another? Why must body fluids be exchange in order to bond love? why can't snuggling in bed, watching mindless tv, laughing about the stupid stuff that happened that day be enough? Why must sex be involved? I still spend time with him with the free time I do have! I get sex is great & wonderful but why must it be EVERYTHING? It's quite apparent you have never experienced a real orgasm in your life. 1
Author love1336x Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 Sex, to me, is the ultimate sign of passion and love you can give someone you love. You allow them to explore your body...your temple, if you will... and in order to do so, you grant them an immeasurable amount of trust. Sure....sex is sex when you're young. But making love to someone you're absolutely in love with.... you'll never find anything more intimate and passionate. Ever. My 2 cents. (Yes, I would end a relationship if we weren't on the same sexual schedule.) sex is whatever to me. I guess I don't see sex as many people do here like this grant oh thing. The guy puts his penis inside me, thrust, pumps for a while, then he cums.... Like oooo so amazing sex. -.- give me a break. Eating your favorite food or going to a concert triple times more fun than sex. -.- my past lovers expect for one were all about making their penis happy. Lol. Shoot, I had a dude tell me once, "you can finish yourself right?" -.- sorry if I'm not in the mood to be some dude cum basket....
Keenly Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 sex is whatever to me. I guess I don't see sex as many people do here like this grant oh thing. The guy puts his penis inside me, thrust, pumps for a while, then he cums.... Like oooo so amazing sex. -.- give me a break. Eating your favorite food or going to a concert triple times more fun than sex. -.- my past lovers expect for one were all about making their penis happy. Lol. Shoot, I had a dude tell me once, "you can finish yourself right?" -.- sorry if I'm not in the mood to be some dude cum basket.... No offense to you as a person, but you sound like a very selfish lover. " I don't need it, so why should he ? ". Seems to be your only concern is yourself, and your needs, because his don't matter. 3
BradJacobs Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 give me a break. Eating your favorite food or going to a concert triple times more fun than sex. This makes me sad. 1
Mr.Pine Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 sex is whatever to me. I guess I don't see sex as many people do here like this grant oh thing. The guy puts his penis inside me, thrust, pumps for a while, then he cums.... Like oooo so amazing sex. -.- give me a break. Eating your favorite food or going to a concert triple times more fun than sex. -.- sorry if I'm not in the mood to be some dude cum basket.... Not only is it eye-openingly apparent you have NEVER experienced even the smallest tinge of something even approaching an orgasm, you obviously don't deserve one either. Your boy, however, deserves a medal just for being in the same zip code as you.
tlegend Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 sex is whatever to me. I guess I don't see sex as many people do here like this grant oh thing. The guy puts his penis inside me, thrust, pumps for a while, then he cums.... Like oooo so amazing sex. -.- give me a break. Eating your favorite food or going to a concert triple times more fun than sex. -.- my past lovers expect for one were all about making their penis happy. Lol. Shoot, I had a dude tell me once, "you can finish yourself right?" -.- sorry if I'm not in the mood to be some dude cum basket.... When you have real sex, someday, instead of unfortunately picking 5 minute boys...you'll understand.
KaliLove Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 sex is whatever to me. I guess I don't see sex as many people do here like this grant oh thing. The guy puts his penis inside me, thrust, pumps for a while, then he cums.... Like oooo so amazing sex. -.- give me a break. Eating your favorite food or going to a concert triple times more fun than sex. -.- my past lovers expect for one were all about making their penis happy. Lol. Shoot, I had a dude tell me once, "you can finish yourself right?" -.- sorry if I'm not in the mood to be some dude cum basket.... O.o You've definitely never had sex with anyone who knows what they're doing. Have you explored the possibility that you could be asexual? It's not fair to keep this guy hanging on. You need to find someone who feels the same way you do about sex.
vaxathrax Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 From a guys perspective who has gone through a relationship ending over sex... two things. 1) You NEED to talk to him immediately. I had an internal dialogue going in my head about why she wasn't having sex with me as often as I wanted. Was it cheating? Was she not that into me? Was she just tired all the time? With the amount of times she fell asleep in my bed next to me after having a great night out I seriously thought she was popping pills or seeing someone else. Get the confusion out of his head right now otherwise when the discussion does come up you aren't going to be prepared for what he's been thinking. 2) Is sex mandatory all the time? No. Is sex mandatory to show love? Yes. If you feel used when your giving up your 'pity sex' then think how he feels when hes doing his best to make you feel happy, satisfied, taking you out to have a good time, sharing his day and listening to yours. I felt used for such a long time - I wasn't expecting a direct commodity exchange of dates/concerts/dinners home and out for sex... but it shows exactly where your head is at. I'll take his shoulder, his hand, his money, his time and let him give himself to me entirely but won't reciprocate. I don't know how young the relationship is... but after awhile the sex decreases. I feel that if its six months in and we are being physically intimate less than once a week then what will it look like in ten years? To everyone giving **** about never having a real orgasm... who knows maybe she has maybe she hasn't. There are reasons not to be interested in sex all of the time... but if the interest is absolute zero and your priority is everything else except your significant other then everyone probably would agree that other isn't so significant. Just remember that your job and your school and your degree and your money aren't going to hold your hand and listen to how hard your day was. 1
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