JennHenn Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I'll quickly try to sum up my situation, so that it's not too boring to read. Met a guy, had a one night stand (that's all I wanted at the time) Next day, he said he'd like to meet me again. I said I'd like that too. We met, had a day out, was fun. Went to his to "drop something off". He tried it on (a lot), I declined. Genuinely accidentally left something there. Meeting him to pick it up on Saturday (he doesn't live nearby though, so obviously, I'm going to see him too). I think he wants me to go to his. Thing is, after meeting him again, I actually like this guy. Which is annoying as the whole reason I had a ONS (my first ever) is because I didn't want to get emotionally involved with anyone. But regardless, I now actually really like him. Thing is, now I don't know if he just wants sex. Obviously after having a ONS, I see why he'd think that I'd be up for casual sex. But a ONS is different. You're both using each other for sex. If it's a situation where you meet more than that, one can end up liking the other, and in this situation, it's me who likes him. So I would like to see if there could be more with this guy, and I want him to know this without putting him off. I've had different opinions from friends on what I should do now. Here's 3 of them: 1 -(Girl's opinion) I should ask him to meet me in town with it somewhere and ask him if he wants to get a drink while there, so to avoid going back to his. 2 -(Girl's opinion) I should go to his like he wants, but just not do 'that'. 3 -(Guy's opinion) I should go to his, and if I want to, I should do 'that'. He said that I've already slept with him, and that plenty of relationships start this way. He said that he obviously wants to get to know me or he wouldn't bother wanting to see me again, and that if I stop having sex now, it will probably put him off and it will go no further. Problem with opinion 1 - I feel weird asking a guy out for a drink (maybe it's not weird, but I've never done it before. Problem with opinion 2 -I actually do want to sleep with him, it's just that I know I'll end up wanting more as I like him. So would rather avoid the temptation. Problem with opinion 3 - It just seems wrong. I don't want to feel used for sex, as I would no longer be using him that way, so I'd be the only one being used. So any other help would be great! Might just have to go with what the majority say! Thanks
PegNosePete Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Met a guy, had a one night stand Went to his to "drop something off". He tried it on (a lot), I declined. I think he wants me to go to his. Thing is, now I don't know if he just wants sex. Really..? Did you read what you just wrote, and still don't know? It's pretty obvious. I'll give you another option. 4) Tell him that you'd like to see him but that you'd like to pursue a relationship that is not based on just sex. See how he responds. If he is open to it then there should be no problem saying great we can meet up for a picnic, ice skating, bowling, ice cream, whatever, without going back to his place. I think you'll be able to determine his motivations pretty quickly that way.
Author JennHenn Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 Really..? Did you read what you just wrote, and still don't know? It's pretty obvious. I'll give you another option. 4) Tell him that you'd like to see him but that you'd like to pursue a relationship that is not based on just sex. See how he responds. If he is open to it then there should be no problem saying great we can meet up for a picnic, ice skating, bowling, ice cream, whatever, without going back to his place. I think you'll be able to determine his motivations pretty quickly that way. Haha. Yep, just read it. I know he wants sex. I do too. What I don't know yet is if he only wants sex and nothing else. He's already had sex with me, and I thought that would be that. So when he asked to meet up again, and said he wanted us to go out for the day, I thought he could possibly like me too. I think your advice is a good idea. Guess I'm just afraid of scaring him off. We've only met twice, so I feel like talking about a 'relationship' would really put him off.
PegNosePete Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 It's not like you're proposing marriage, you're just asking what he's looking for. If he's "put off" by that then clearly he's just after a repeat ONS. Good luck! 2
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