jumbojet Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 MM here, and I'm not sure how to get my problem out there gracefully and with tact, so I'll just get right to it. I've been involved with OW for about three years now. OW is also married. Her husband has no idea she's been sleeping with me, and my wife is also unaware of the affair. It's been working out pretty well for OW and myself. We also work together, which makes things a little easier on me. Recently she's been pressuring me to leave my wife, and while I've told her that I would, I really have no intent on asking my wife for a divorce. We don't have any kids but she's a good homemaker and keeps the house in good shape. We get along, and we still sleep together. I'm afraid, at this point, that my OW AP is getting a little too attached. I really don't feel like dealing with all of the emotional investment she's pressuring me into. I would like to keep the relationship the same way it was when things started. Simple and sexy. What I have at home is good, and what I have away from home is also good, or it was until OW started wanting more than just sex. All I want from her is what we had when we started this thing. I don't want to divorce my wife. She doesn't work, and I don't want to have to worry about paying alimony. I never had to think about these things until recently. I also still love my wife, and I will always love her. She (OW) says she loves me, and I tell her that if she loves me she'll stop being so demanding, and that only serves to really make her angry, so really I come to you all looking for advice on how to handle this. How do I keep her from getting too attached? How do I prevent things from escalating to such a state that she's calling my wife and telling her about the affair? I'd like to prevent this at all costs.
Red123 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Just my opinion but it appears that she is already attached so I don't believe that worrying that she will be more attached is relevant. As a BS I feel for your wife but as a woman I feel for the OW. Your A has been three years long and I doubt that she has felt it was just sex and fun the whole time even if that's how it started. As a MW herself I'm surprised that she is pushing you to leave unless that has been the plan for both of you. I think you should look at what you have shown her your intentions are and ask yourself if you have given her the impression that this A meant more than you actually feel it has. I'm sorry but I can't see a way for you to have the A you want with her as she appears very emotionally invested in you. Honestly only you know whether or not she will out you to your W, as you know what kind of person she is. As MW wouldn't she be afraid of her H knowing too?
violet1 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Oh goodness, you are in a mess. Did you honestly believe that you could have sex with someone for three years and no one would get attached? Your best bet is to end the A and hope she doesn't tell your W. Also, can this A cause you to lose your job if it's exposed? You are playing with fire and you will get burned. Take it from me, I'm there. 4
Arvin_Solheim Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Well for one thing: it's already too late to stop her from being emotionally invested; seriously mate it doesn't take long for women to be emotionally invested in a man they've had a long affair with(It's the same almost for all men as well) even women who do not intend on getting emotionally invested do....You need to end the affair and make sure that she will be discreet; if you truly love your wife you wouldn't want it to be exposed..... btw...Shame on you for sticking with your wife because of alimony! that's not how a man is supposed to be! you should be with her because you want to be with her....Supporting a woman who depends on you is your most important responsibility as a man....be a man and don't say such things....It makes you look lame.
Artie Lang Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 you better hope and pray her inner Glenn Close doesn't come out. 5
bobwhite007 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 MM here, and I'm not sure how to get my problem out there gracefully and with tact, so I'll just get right to it. I've been involved with OW for about three years now. OW is also married. Her husband has no idea she's been sleeping with me, and my wife is also unaware of the affair. It's been working out pretty well for OW and myself. We also work together, which makes things a little easier on me. Recently she's been pressuring me to leave my wife, and while I've told her that I would, I really have no intent on asking my wife for a divorce. We don't have any kids but she's a good homemaker and keeps the house in good shape. We get along, and we still sleep together. I'm afraid, at this point, that my OW AP is getting a little too attached. I really don't feel like dealing with all of the emotional investment she's pressuring me into. I would like to keep the relationship the same way it was when things started. Simple and sexy. What I have at home is good, and what I have away from home is also good, or it was until OW started wanting more than just sex. All I want from her is what we had when we started this thing. I don't want to divorce my wife. She doesn't work, and I don't want to have to worry about paying alimony. I never had to think about these things until recently. I also still love my wife, and I will always love her. She (OW) says she loves me, and I tell her that if she loves me she'll stop being so demanding, and that only serves to really make her angry, so really I come to you all looking for advice on how to handle this. How do I keep her from getting too attached? How do I prevent things from escalating to such a state that she's calling my wife and telling her about the affair? I'd like to prevent this at all costs. I hope she tells and you get yer ass kicked 2
Ap22 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Not read much of these forums, have you? This wins the internet today! 2
Realist3 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Recently she's been pressuring me to leave my wife, and while I've told her that I would, I really have no intent on asking my wife for a divorce. So you are at your wits end because she believed your lie about something... oh,... pretty dang important. Why would you tell her that? You could just tell her what you wrote in this thread. You aren't leaving your wife. You love your wife. You wish things were they way they were in the beginning of the A. She is too attached to you. After doing all of those things I think you will have a much clearer picture about how to proceed.
Ailsa1983 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 New member who knows also the abbreviations and is coincidently starting a topic as a MM when there has been many posts these few weeks about MM and their feelings. Doesn't add up pal, best to stick with ur known username
BetrayedH Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Seems like your options are to either get honest or to keep lying. From what I can tell, you're on a pretty normal timetable. It seems that it takes about 3-4 years before even the most accomodating OW has just had enough. She might decide to be finished with you. Sadly, she'll try to avoid contact with you but be tortured as she tries to find closure about whether you really ever loved her. So then she'll keep making intermittent contact, trying to determine the truth and wondering if she just wasted 3 years on a liar. She'll want to believe it was more than just sex. But many will cling to that belief enough to not want to betray you. She'll drive herself insane. Or, she may decide to push you off the fence by exposing it all to your wife, thereby forcing you to make a choice. You could, of course, come clean with her. At least you would spare her years of pining away for you. But your reputation for honesty and empathy ain't so good. I suspect that no matter what you do, she's not remotely going to be happy to have you stay with your wife. She may decide to tell her because she will think she deserves to know. She may tell her to get revenge on you. She may tell her even to get revenge against your betrayed wife, not wanting her to win. After all, if you're like most married men, you've probably painted your wife as a cold fish, 'just a roommate', or a bitch that doesn't deserve you. Not a lot of good choices here, huh? Personally, I don't think either of these women deserve the shi.t sandwiches you're feeding them. I think you should stop doing that. Break up with your OW and give her the truth. Be apologetic. Then come clean with your wife so she can make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to stay with you instead of being tricked into spending her life in this sham of a marriage. My $.02 anyway. 1
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