FumoBlu Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 It's been five years since me and "the one that got away" ex broke up. She dumped me, and it was horrible and traumatic. At the time I thought she was the love of my life. I was in my early twenties, and though I've tried to disprove it into my late 20's, I've still never fully gotten over her. We lived on different continents through most of the years, though now we're on the same one, and I'm only a two hour plane ride away. We've met numerous times for coffee's and lunches and dinners, she's had the same partner for about 3.5 years, and is soon to be engaged. She's never made any kind of indication she's ever wanted me back over the years, though she's always been very nice and seemingly glad to see me whenever we've met up. There's always been some kind of intrinsic connection when we've met up, but again she's pretty happy with to be fiance. I've seen therapists, I've had two serious relationships since, I HAVE moved on, except I'll always have feelings for her. In five years they're always there lingering in the background. Here is the main problem. I sometimes get very strong urges just to message her before she becomes officially engaged and tell her the truth. I think she has a suspicion that I still have feelings for her, I've dropped hints, but never said it, and I KNOW she doesn't feel the same way, but on some level I think it might be cathartic after this many years to come out and say it. On the other hand she dumped me, and it took such a serious toll on my life, and she was aware for awhile that I wasn't over her, so I feel like it would just seem super desperate and pathetic. I guess just spilling it here will hopefully be enough to dissuade me.
BC1980 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 This story is exactly why you should not stay in contact with an ex you still have feelings for. If she knows how you feel, I wouldn't tell her.
VeronicaRoss Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 My advice having been on the opposite side of this is you need more reality and less fantasy. I say you should tell her so she is forced to punch through your fantasies (and possibly hers) and tell you once and for all she's not into you. For good measure, ask her why. It's shock therapy. It will hopefully force her as well to stop being an attention ho by hanging out with someone who pines for her. Who knows if she is even aware. The humiliation will help kill this fantasy. She's not all that as a partner: if you two were together you not being quite enough would drive you both nuts and make her a total misery to live with. You'd end up hating her, or the other way around. Do not do this if you're depressed or suicidal, but you don't sound it. 1
realfriends Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 One thing I continue to tell myself if that ill probably never get fully over this, ill just get used to it. LTR breakups are tough and they take a toll just like a knife to the skin. It'll eventually heal up and scar and slowly fade over the years, but it'll never go away. It leaves a mark on you that makes you who you are and if used correctly makes you stronger.
mangetout Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 You need to question why you are still hung up on her. Perhaps it is the addiction to the trauma associated with the break up rather than her as a person. Has she got qualities that no other woman possesses? Or is this purely about you?
Recommended Posts