Socioeconomic status and dating

[Babolat]

I just listened to a story on NPR about one of the first things people ask when they meet somebody new. They ask "what do you do?" The story mentioned how this is a way to quickly establish somebodies socioeconomic status.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Do you consider socioeconomic status when you are getting to know a potential dating partner?

[d0nnivain]

To some extent If the answer is I'm unemployed with no follow up, I may be a bit leery of dating the person.

 

 

When I asked "what's your major?" in college, it was just a throw away opening line. I never said to myself, oh better not date a liberal arts major because he won't make any money.

[Chocolat]

I think people ask "what do you do" because it's an easy way to start a conversation.

 

I don't look for socioeconomic status specifically but rather whether someone shares my values, is self-supporting, and has passions in life, which could be work, hobbies, family, or some/all of these.

[BlueIris]

Yes, I do. I prefer middle class people because I tend to have more in common with people who make about what I do and have the same types of activities and financial goals and concerns I have. I've dated much richer and much poorer and there were tensions about money.

[StanMusial]

I just listened to a story on NPR about one of the first things people ask when they meet somebody new. They ask "what do you do?" The story mentioned how this is a way to quickly establish somebodies socioeconomic status.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Do you consider socioeconomic status when you are getting to know a potential dating partner?

 

If I asked someone that, it would be more because I was actually interested in what they DO for 40, 50, 60 hours a week. Not because I wondered how much money they had. But I agree that dating across significant economic boundaries can be difficult. Money and/or lack thereof ruins plenty of relationships, one way or the other. I don't know for sure if it's true but it is potentially the #1 destroyer of marriages.

[Babolat]

The NPR story talked about how the question is answered differently depending on where you live. For example, in Denver, people typically answer the question with run, I ski, I hike.

 

When meeting someone new, male or female, potential dating partner or not, I dread the question.I usually just tell people I work in IT. That is normally followed up with a comment or question like "oh my computer is not working correctly can you fix it." When I try to elaborate and give them more detail regarding what exactly I do, I usually just see a blank stare.

[shet]

I hate the question and the culture that supports it. I don't ask it and I don't care what someone does. It's utterly boring and I laugh gales in the face of anyone who asks it, because they just wrote themselves off. If you want small talk mention my shoes.

[carhill]

What are your thoughts on this? Do you consider socioeconomic status when you are getting to know a potential dating partner?

 

Haven't dated much since splitting up with exW five years ago but, if I ask a 'beginning' question, it's generally being curious about where they've been or would like to go, since exploring is a hobby.

 

I only considered socio-economic/financial status with one person, and that was my exW before proposing marriage. She wasn't wealthy by any stretch (neither am I!) but was stable and enjoyed her business. That worked fine for me.

[Phoe]

Do you consider socioeconomic status when you are getting to know a potential dating partner?

 

No.

 

 

I prefer that someone be employed, but I understand that this job market is not the greatest.

 

 

If someone were unemployed but at least still looking and trying, that's enough.

 

 

After I got laid off from my last job, it took a while to finally get another one. Application after application, searching and searching...

 

 

I didn't lose value as a person during that period. I was just in a rough spot.

[AncientEchos]

No, I never ask. Unless someone is passionate about their job and describing why they have a great love for their work, I most likely will not remember any details about what they do until I have known them for quite a while. I'd much rather know what makes them who they are on different levels.

[Ami1uwant]

there are multiple parts to this....

 

The first part is an obvious part of learning more about them and career is a big part of their lives. It tells alot about the person. For some people the type of career they are in may involve alot more moving around the country and travel...some like that others hate it.

 

Another part of it reflects on a compatability issue. How many people who worked for republican leaning charities would want to date someone who worked for democratic leaning charities??? Would someone who is a biologist and thus does research on animals want to date a PETA supporter???

 

Another part will be the issue of socioeconomic class----but this varies though. Someone who works in an intellectual field may prefer to date someone who is in a similar field rather than a construction worker or someone who works in retail. for some it may not be as much as economics as it is education level. Someone in a career field that requires a masters or doctorate level in education will have more interest in dating someone who is in a field that has similar degree requirements. For example a teach, social worker, or RN may not make as much money but because they likely needed a masters degree for their career it matters intellectually.

 

the other part will be the gold digger aspect----it will go both ways. the gold digger women may be more interested in dating alawyer than a retail manager. the man may be wanting to screen for gold diggers and only want to date someone who is in a professional career that requires a degree. On the flip side a highly successful woman in her career may have an issue dating a man who while educationally an equal, economically he makes less than her because of the career field he chose. She works for a fortune 500 corporation making 6 figure salary while he works as a teacher who makes $50,000 less in annual salary. some women are fine with that but the men arent....and some men are fine with it, but the women are insecure about the fact he makes less than her and the ramifications from that.

[Keenly]

I think people ask "what do you do" because it's an easy way to start a conversation.

 

I don't look for socioeconomic status specifically but rather whether someone shares my values, is self-supporting, and has passions in life, which could be work, hobbies, family, or some/all of these.

 

This.

 

 

The ONLY reason I ask is to stall for time to come up with something witty based on her response. I really don't give a crap what she does as long as she has the skills to pay the bills.

[tbf]

It has to do with building rapport. Jobs are a socially safe discussion item where if someone loves their job, they can rattle on for a long time about it.

[WrinkledForehead]

 

Another part will be the issue of socioeconomic class----but this varies though. Someone who works in an intellectual field may prefer to date someone who is in a similar field rather than a construction worker or someone who works in retail. for some it may not be as much as economics as it is education level. Someone in a career field that requires a masters or doctorate level in education will have more interest in dating someone who is in a field that has similar degree requirements. For example a teach, social worker, or RN may not make as much money but because they likely needed a masters degree for their career it matters intellectually.

.

 

Ah. This is a huge part of what sparked interest between my partner and me. We both have shared academic passions. He has his career established, and I'm working my way through school. The income discrepancy has taken some navigating but we've done well with talking things theough this far. But I digress. It is the shared academic background that is a fundamental component of our relationship. We've spent many hours of our time discussing the world and people around us. He loves that I continue to feed his mind and I love how he teaches me things. Had he never asked me what I did, he would have thought me a mere waitress, when I've really so mich more going on in my life than my current occupation.

[Lipitor11]

Yes! That's the most important thing. I don't want to date a guy with no education, and making minimum wage that can't support himself! That's a turn-off. Same for men, they don't want a gold digger, seriously no matter how good-looking they are!

[normal person]

I just listened to a story on NPR about one of the first things people ask when they meet somebody new. They ask "what do you do?" The story mentioned how this is a way to quickly establish somebodies socioeconomic status.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Do you consider socioeconomic status when you are getting to know a potential dating partner?

 

It is a quick way to establish socioeconomic status but that establishment is not necessarily the only reason people ask, or a reason they do it all. It's a way to figure out how someone spends a lot of their time, what they're passionate about, what makes them happy, etc.

 

That being said, in today's society, especially given the somewhat bad state of the job market, you definitely may have to walk on egg shells a bit with this stuff. In the US especially (I don't think it's as much of an issue in Europe or elsewhere), peoples' identities are often tied to their jobs and that's just sort of understood. Some people might become uncomfortable with that question (although they're surely prepared for it if it comes) so these days I like to ask questions that allow them to answer what they want.

 

"So what should I know about you?"

"What're you up to these days?"

 

They don't feel judged and they can reveal or omit whatever they want. You'll find out about each other's jobs eventually, there's no sense in rushing into the question these days.

[Versacehottie]

yes i ask. almost anyone. not just guys i have interest in dating. it tells you a lot about a person and can be a good conversation starter. it lets you know something about the kind of goals, points of view and daily life someone may have. you can make a stereotype based on the job and then a person can surprise you with how they vary from it. And definitely it does give a clue about socioeconomic status and background. Most people spend most of their waking hours working so it would be weird NOT to know for someone you are considering dating. I also am interested in all sorts of business so everyone's occupation interests me because knowledge about others business helps me do my business.

 

As far as who i want to date, I think most people would be lying if they didn't admit to a person's job affecting who they are attracted to. Some people see a workaholic as ambitious and others don't wish to have that sort of boyfriend. If the person tells you they are a lawyer, you can pretty much guess he works long hours. To me that's a good thing because of the ambition and intelligence involved, but some girls wouldn't like it because they want a more 9-5 guy. Just continuing with the lawyer example, some lawyers hate their jobs which I'd also want to know so talking about it is a way to explore how happy and stable they are with life and career and if not happy, how they handle things they don't like. Of course, it also tells you about money---how much they have, have potential to make and potentially owe in student loans. All important considerations. I've said it before but I think it's important that your financial goals are in line when you are considering someone and the way you spend money & look at it. Lastly not all of us ask for golddigger reasons--if the woman makes way more than the guy it can cause problems too.

[Arieswoman]

When I was divorced and dating I was an educated independent professional woman in a good career. I had my own house and car (both paid for).

 

There was no way I would consider an unemployed, gold-digging, drug-taking, uncouth slob who spent his time hanging out in bars.

 

So yes, financial status was important to me, as, after I divorced, I swore that I would never ever carry passengers again.

[Eggplant]

Don't care about socioeconomic status. I'm completely willing to date a blue-collar worker. A hard-worker, for sure, but if he's poor and a hard worker, it's a go. I don't really care about money, plus I'll make a good amount.

[Eggplant]

I will date a poor man. As long as he is a hard worker. I don't even care about money too much, and I'll make more than enough.

[soccerrprp]

I ask the question, but often no need considering I've only OLD. Their profession is usually indicated, but I do ask for clarification, more details to find out if she enjoys her job, etc. It's also a good way to start a conversation.

 

I don't see anything wrong with trying to determine where a person is in his life with respect to career, etc. You can find out a good deal about someone that way as we all know.

Edited April 10, 2014 by soccerrprp

[Babolat]

I don't ask, I listen and they will eventually tell you. For example, the woman I have been on a few dates with talked about Law school. Easy enough to figure out she is an attorney. Though she later told me what she currently does, how she changed careers, I did not ask though. One thing I do like about her is she changed careers, not for money, but to discover her true passion, where she fits. She said she never really liked practicing law, but felt it was what she was supposed to do. My best guess is she gave up over half of her income to change. That is very attractive to me.

 

My ex gf did not have a job the first 5 months we dated, and no money. She lived off of unemployment. Once she got a job, I saw her work ethic, how hard she worked, how dedicated she was. I got her in at my company and I heard nothing but praises about her work. She did not make a lot of money, but her work ethic was attractive. She had a community college degree.

 

Ex-wife, no college degree, but did well for herself considering. Again, great work ethic, was doing what she liked, she complained about not making enough money, though we never needed it as I did okay. I alwasy encouragred her to quit her job and go to school if she wanted to, she never did though. The complaining about no degree, capped out compensation wise because of that, bugged me. Do something about it.

 

My paternal dad likes to talk about "marrying up". He said I married up with my ex-wife as her dad was a multi-millionaire.

 

I wonder, if that factors in, too..family money. Never has, for me.

Edited April 10, 2014 by Babolat

[Babolat]

Just continuing with the lawyer example, some lawyers hate their jobs which I'd also want to know so talking about it is a way to explore how happy and stable they are with life and career and if not happy, how they handle things they don't like. Of course, it also tells you about money---how much they have, have potential to make and potentially owe in student loans. .

 

Good points. Current woman I am getting to know volunterred she was always the straight A student, got a full academic scholarship to undergrad and grad school. She wa snot happy, so she gradually got out of law and persue a career in Innovation & Creativity. She get to travel the country and study other cities and brings ideas back to our city, how to make our city more marketable to businesses, college kids, entrepreneurials, etc.

 

I was glad to hear she got scholarships, as I was starting to think she came from a lot of money and mom/dad paid her way. Quite the opposite the more she shared. She grew up poor, mom worked 3 jobs.

[Dante311]

I'm in medicine.

 

I don't disclose that right away.

[Thomas the Red Fox]

I'm in medicine.

 

I don't disclose that right away.

 

Sounds like you do