Phoe Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 If he was a real fan, he would have planned AROUND it. exactly. someone who's FANATIC about it would have had that day reserved months in advance. National Game of Thrones Day comes but once a year. I had that day and time well planned out in advance. 3
StanMusial Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I've never seen it, maybe it's really good. But honestly if someone cancelled plans to watch a TV show then they're not my type. That's up to you to decide. 1
Ami1uwant Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Separate out the situation of buying the tickets for a moment here. On the surface I understand why. Him being close to his kid is important to him. Sure he could have DVR'd it and then watched it with his son later in the week. He also may not have said anything to his son about the fact he was dating you since you two have not met yet. As far as the tickets----did you tell him you purchased these tickets up front or was it a surprise for him? Had he known ahead of time that you had tickets for something he probably would have said he couldnt do it that night with his son and changed it to another night with him (they replay the show during the week). But because he said yes to him and made arrangements to take him in, he could not back out of that now. PArt of the reason he couldnt back out is because it reflects poorly on his son, and not knowing how the relationship with the kids mom is, she could use this against him with the child. This is not something I would have broken up a relationship for. Ask yourself this---would you have reacted differently if his son had broken his leg so he couldnt go? Things happen. Over my years of dating I have had dates get cancelled because a parents child gotten ill. Its part of the game when dating someone who has children.
Ami1uwant Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Has he never heard of DVR? That isnt the issue.... She didnt tell him she bought tickets, he thought it would be them just getting together thus something that was easily cancelable. Also unsure what their routine dating pattern was. Once he committed to taking his son into his house he could not back out. To see the show or not is irrelevent here. He could have been asked by his ex to watch the son for Sunday night for other reasons. since he didnt have any hard plans he agreed to watch the child. Had she told him she had gotten tickets for something and about going he probably would have still done the date with her.
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 No, seriously, Game of Thrones is the only excuse that would constitute as valid as far as cancelling a date. I would try and get back with him if I were you. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) The same sex parent is the most important role model in a child's life. What this father taught his son is that it is okay to blow off other people if you want to do something else, and not to respect a prior commitment. He was also taught that he is on a pedestal and therefore he is the center of the universe but not in a healthy way, but in an entitled, things should always go my way, way. My son notices what I do....with and to others, and models his behavior around that. My job isn't to be his friend but to be his father and as such to teach him appropriate behavior by my example. The date cancelled plans not because his son needed him but because he wanted to do something with his son that he could have done later. He isn't that interested in you. The man doesn't know how to set proper boundaries and to teach his son those lessons because he is divorced and as such, he is catering to his sons needs in order to gain favor over the mother. It is common and it is sad because his son has learned bad behaviors from this. I would and have dropped everything to drive, fly or even sail to be with my kids when they need me, but I would never cancel plans or brush someone off just to watch a tv show with them.. Even GoTs which I love. I show them my admiration and love by behaving with integrity and expecting the same from my children. I am stringent and I am exact, but I am the one they call and the one they depend on when they need help or comfort. My most important job is to be their father, they have friends. This isn't behavior I would accept from any person I wanted to invest my time and energy in by dating. You dodged a lifetime of irresponsibility and poor parenting choices he most likely will exhibit to get his son to like him. Move on, Grumps Edited April 10, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 10
Author hmmmmmmmm Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 The same sex parent is the most important role model in a child's life. What this father taught his son is that it is okay to blow off other people if you want to do something else, and not to respect a prior commitment. He was also taught that he is on a pedestal and therefore he is the center of the universe but not in a healthy way, but in an entitled, things should always go my way, way. My son notices what I do....with and to others, and models his behavior around that. My job isn't to be his friend but to be his father and as such to teach him appropriate behavior by my example. The date cancelled plans not because his son needed him but because he wanted to do something with his son that he could have done later. He isn't that interested in you. The man doesn't know how to set proper boundaries and to teach his son those lessons because he is divorced and as such, he is catering to his sons needs in order to gain favor over the mother. It is common and it is sad because his son has learned bad behaviors from this. I would and have dropped everything to drive, fly or even sail to be with my kids when they need me, but I would never cancel plans or brush someone off just to watch a tv show with them.. Even GoTs which I love. I show them my admiration and love by behaving with integrity and expecting the same from my children. I am stringent and I am exact, but I am the one they call and the one they depend on when they need help or comfort. My most important job is to be their father, they have friends. This isn't behavior I would accept from any person I wanted to invest my time and energy in by dating. You dodged a lifetime of irresponsibility and poor parenting choices he most likely will exhibit to get his son to like him. Move on, Grumps Thank you for this post. All of them have been helpful, but tonight I was considering calling him to let him know I could see his side of this. After reading what you wrote, I realize I would be risking him taking that as condoning his actions and opening the door for him to do this again. So I have to walk away from this. I'm so sad. I thought we were actually really onto something. 2
bluegreen Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Never ever date a guy or girl with child and expect to be Number 1 in their life. It could not get or be more simple than that.
jay1983 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I love Game of Thrones but NO. How did you tell you, did just say "hey change of plans, sorry" or was he like "hey look, I have to cancel on you, please don't be upset, I'll make it up to you, I promise"?
Eivuwan Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Thank you for this post. All of them have been helpful, but tonight I was considering calling him to let him know I could see his side of this. After reading what you wrote, I realize I would be risking him taking that as condoning his actions and opening the door for him to do this again. So I have to walk away from this. I'm so sad. I thought we were actually really onto something. He let you leave very easily. That is enough to tell you how much he is into you. He didn't even try to talk out the situation or understand your point of view or whatever. If you stay in this relationship, I can see that there is going to be a one-sided effort.
Author hmmmmmmmm Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 He let you leave very easily. That is enough to tell you how much he is into you. He didn't even try to talk out the situation or understand your point of view or whatever. If you stay in this relationship, I can see that there is going to be a one-sided effort. He did try to talk about it for 45 minutes, and he said at one point, 'I can see you have made up your mind'. And essentially I told him if this was how he would be when his son wanted to come over from the Mom's house to watch tv, when we already had plans, then I would not ever become okay with that. But I'm hearing a few people say he was just not that into me. That hurts. He sure seemed to be when he told me he was falling in love with me. What's the point of saying that? He tells me all the time how much he likes me, and lots of things about how he can't wait to spend more time together, etc. I don't get it. I guess in the end it's always the same; people's actions speak louder than their words.
bluegreen Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I guess in the end it's always the same; people's actions speak louder than their words. Bingo you got it and hopefully from now on you will remember this ...
Author hmmmmmmmm Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 Never ever date a guy or girl with child and expect to be Number 1 in their life. It could not get or be more simple than that. Thanks for your input. A few people are saying that I shouldn't expect to be number one in his life, which I am not, but I am expecting to be respected. I know the kids are number one, I totally get that and respect that as well, and I don't think it's 'expecting to be number one' when I expect not to be treated like I don't even have a number. 4
Noproblem Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 His son is part of his life... So, I don't think the situation will change that much
Ami1uwant Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 He did try to talk about it for 45 minutes, and he said at one point, 'I can see you have made up your mind'. And essentially I told him if this was how he would be when his son wanted to come over from the Mom's house to watch tv, when we already had plans, then I would not ever become okay with that. But I'm hearing a few people say he was just not that into me. That hurts. He sure seemed to be when he told me he was falling in love with me. What's the point of saying that? He tells me all the time how much he likes me, and lots of things about how he can't wait to spend more time together, etc. I don't get it. I guess in the end it's always the same; people's actions speak louder than their words. You can pick and choose which posts to listen to so it justifies your own point of view all you want..... One thing you havent looked at----nor have you mentioned--that is a big factor in all of this----what has the relationship been like between him and his son and between him and his ex w/ their son. If she has been preventing him from seeing his son he will fight for every chance to see his son. If she doesnt follow custody agreements he will fight to get his son when ever he can If he has been out of his sons life for some time (either he had to move for a job, she moved away from him) he will fight to make up that time with him to make up on lost time with his son because its a relationship that is important to him. 1
gaius Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Any guy who would pass over sex to hang out with a child is a little off anyway. You might have been dating the next Sandusky.
Arieswoman Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 When I was single and dating I was started going out with a guy who was divorced. (Wife had affair) His two children (g7 & b13) lived with his ex-wife. Everything was going ticketyboo until his ex-wife moved the OM in with her. The boy didn't like him and there were problems. So they guy I was dating had the custody order changed and took the boy back to be with him. At that point I said I wanted to end the relationship as I knew I would become low priority, and I told him that. He said it was OK that he would schedule time for us, which he tried to do. Unfortunately, it didn't work. I had loads of dates cancelled at short notice because "Billy has fallen off his skate board and has to go to the hospital", "ex-wife wants to go away for the w/e and I've got to look after Mary", "I have to see the teacher because Billy has had problems at school" "Billy has a nosebleed and the babysitter is freaking out" etc etc. Ex-wife did very little to help out. After a year of this I ended the relationship. I also made a rule that I would never, ever date anyone with dependent children. 2
Omei Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) Now this threads just gonna teach another woman that its okay to be unreasonable. None of you know the details of this man, sons and ex partners relationship or why he felt he needed to be with his son at that moment. He may of not even told his son hes dating yet. And 13 years old....this is not a boy who's 18 here who you can simply explain I already made plans and he'll take a raincheck but a young boy going into pubrity prob knows nothing of his fathers sexual life and he should not....and wouldn't understand why his dad wouldn't come be with him. The dad made the right choice, while he may of just said to you "to watch a tv show" the son might of needed him and its not your business not until introduced. I think people expect too much from others and get let down on their own, I personally wouldn't of analyzed this as a problem. I think he let you go easy after seeing how he wouldn't be able to be with someone who makes a deal out of this but that's just 1 persons opinion Edited April 10, 2014 by Omei
Smilecharmer Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I don't think wanting to be treated with dignity and respect is being unreasonable. She didn't say anything negative about the man, just that she felt disrespected and that he wasn't as interested as she had hoped, which he didn't seem to be interested in her by his actions. I would have felt that way too especially if I had went to the trouble to set something up that required planning. If he can't date due to his children having emotional issues or needing him to stay single, he needs to be upfront with women about it. The poster isn't the only woman who would see this as disinterest. 1
Nereid Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Sorry, OP, but it's Game of Thrones. It comes before everything else. You'll get no sympathy here Why didn't he just invite you too, or are you not at the introductions-to-the-kids point yet?
Titania22 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Kids aren't kids forever. I love my children more than anything else, and if one of them wants to spend time with me, I stop whatever I am doing. As they are getting older, they are spending more time doing their own things, so any time they are willing to throw my way is a gift. Of course if I had plans in advance, they would know, and I wouldn't be cancelling those plans. It would have been easy to talk to the kid and work out a good time they could watch the show together. 2
soccerrprp Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Hey, OP, bottom line is that you made the best decision for you. Whether he unnecessarily prioritized his son over you or there is some hidden spousal/custody issue going on, you don't need to be mixed up in either. You're looking for someone you can give you the time you require to establish and maintain a relationship and he is probably and likely not ready to give that to anyone right now. Or, he wasn't THAT into YOU. Again, you moved on. I think another element of this that is important is just how easily he seemed to end it with you w/o explanation? Did he try to explain himself? Anyhoo.... 1
mikefromtheblock Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Now I understand why people don't want to date single parents. Perhaps if that would be an emergency for a kid I would understand why he cancels, but TV show, that's pretty awkward. 1
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