Cavendish Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 So I had 3 great dates with a guy who then had some family stuff to deal with and told me would be out of contact for a week or so. I didn't hear for him for 3 weeks so assumed this has been just a gentle way of letting me down, and gave up, feeling disappointed. However, last week (3 weeks on) he texted me with a very apologetic message about how crazy things had been, acknowledging that it was uncool of him to leave it so long, and saying that he knew he was pushing his luck, but could he see me again. I acknowledged that he shouldn't have left it so long but said that yes, we could meet up. Anyway, we were texting at the weekend and we picked a day (this Thursday, so tomorrow) and he offered me two choices of restaurant. I replied on Sunday evening with my choice and then weirdly heard nothing back. All it needed was a 'cool, see you there at 7' text or something wrapping things up with time but he just totally left me hanging, which really confused me. It's now 11pm Weds night for me and I have no idea if I have a date tomorrow? Do you think that because the place and day is fixed he might think he can firm up exact plans tomorrow? I would have thought if he cared he wouldn't chance that but then I do love forward planning! Alternatively, do you think there's some chance he just had a change of heart and has no plans to follow through and meet me tomorrow, hence the radio silence? This would make no sense at all following him actively getting in touch with me after nearly a month of not seeing each other, but nothing about dating seems to make sense to me! In either case, how do I approach this? Do I text tomorrow with a 'what time are meeting later?' as if I'm not worried, do a slightly less 'cool', 'we still on for later' text or leave it completely (think I might struggle to do the latter)? And if he doesnt contact me can I send an angry text? I would feel so wronged for him leading me on and reserving an evening of my time he had no plans to use. Thoughts appreciated - why is dating so confusing!!
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Just send the "what time are we meeting?" If he: Texts back the time, cool. Though him going NC for THREE weeks is a big red flag imo. Imo, he was seeing someone else and moved you to the back burner. Doesn't reply back. Just delete his number and never contact him again. If he later sends a "I'm sorry blah blah" text just say "don't ever contact me again" and then go NC.
GemmaUK Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 (edited) I wouldn't send a text at all. I'd get all ready to go out. If he texts to ask you early enough in the day (in time for you to shower and get there) then you can just go along. If he doesn't check in an hour before (or however long is reasonable for you to get ready) then let him know you made other plans as he hadn't confirmed the table was booked and you figured he must have got busy with things again. It gives him a heads up that you need a bit of warning and that your time is valuable to you. There is no need for an angry text. That would be OTT. ETA: I only spend half an hour getting ready and can quickly sort something else to do (only had one occasion when it happened to me though)..I guess it depends if a date requires hours of work. I just go on dates as 'me'. Edited April 9, 2014 by GemmaUK
Zahara Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 The big red flag for you was when he disappeared for 3 weeks. I can't believe that anyone would be tied to a ball and chain with no use of their limbs to be able to send you a text or an email to just say that things have been pretty hectic and you'll be in touch soon. Me thinks he was seeing someone else and things didn't work out and he came running back to you. And being the second choice, he's really not that keen or showing much interest but doing just the minimum to keep you there. Sunday to Wednesday, not a peep. I'd rather you next him but I know you won't. You don't have a confirmation from him, therefore you don't have a date. If someone is interested in you, they confirm the date and the keep communication going. And they certainly don't keep the person they are interested in sitting in the dark. 1
Ami1uwant Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 i have a different opinio on this---and its through my own experience... Whenever you just start to communicate with or evening have a date or two with a new person then they need to travel and thus you arent communicating with them there is a chance they do forget about you. Always be proactive and text them when they come back from being out of town., then see if they respond. Sometimes its legitamite with them dealing with other things and just dont have relationship time. But othertimes it can be them getting an out on dating you to date someone else but still keep you as an option B if t doesnt work out. As for a date for thursday...you texted him back which place so Im assuming yo would still be on. An easy way is to text/call and check on the meeting time by saying "are we still on for meeting at 7pm at XXX?"
Mo_Do Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 3 weeks of silence he was most definitely seeing someone else and it fell apart. 1
Mrin Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 He might have been but is that such a big deal. At least he didn't try to see both. I would give the guy the benefit of the doubt and send the "when are we meeting up?" Text
AncientEchos Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Personally, I would walk away. I went through something similar last year. Met a guy, had a lot of fun, didn't hear from him for three weeks. I missed his call, but returned it the next day, didn't hear from him for another week. I did end up agreeing to meet up with him, had a nice dinner, went home. Ten minutes after I got home I received a text asking if I was ever going to invite him over to my house. I responded, telling him that I liked him, but we didn't know each other yet. Never heard another word from that guy, radio silence. Bottom line, the guy wasn't interested. I doubt your guy is all that interested either. All you have is a lot of silence, I'd keep it that way.
shet Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Woman I'm seeing sometimes disappears for a month. Invariably she resurfaces, desperate to clear her head of the work/life bull**** she's faced that stressed her into silence. Your man sounds a lot like her actually. Stressed out, leaving arrangements too late to be sensible, poor contact, etc. Don't worry; you and I are the normal, smart ones, it's them who are ****ups who can't seem to use mobile phones properly to stay in contact from anywhere at any time. Don't panic yet. Text tomorrow and just ask if you're still on. Might well find he's surprised you were doubting it, like there was nothing wrong with him being terrible at basic communication. Or yes, he might say he forgot and has other arrangements. Or he might not respond at all. Up to you what you do with those outcomes. Disregard the socionormatives (and normal phone users) in this thread claiming he's off shagging around or whatever. I know my gal sees nobody else, she's just weird.
deathandtaxes Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Blowing you off for three weeks? He's out of line. Not confirming the time of your date. Out of line. It is NOT that difficult to send a stupid fracking text confirming these details. Pass on this bum. 2
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