emotionsmessmeup Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 why is he saying "I miss you"? my ex who dumped me...has been calling me.. I have been practicing NC.. but sometimes he'll call at 5 am so many times and i feel bad and pick up and he says i was just remembering you. He just wants to talk to me. Yesterday I told him, there is no point talking... so he said..why do u need a point..and what should be the point anyway marriage.. to which i kept quite and he just said bye then. I was with this man for 5 years and I wanted to marry him. what does he want?
Merin Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 What does he want... You were with this guy for 5 years.. and from what you've said, I get the feeling the "deal breaker" here was the fact that you wanted to get married, and he didn't. So, he continues to call and tell you he misses you (although he's the one who broke things off) and my guess is, he does miss you just not enough to get married. Seems he's hoping maybe the time seperate from one another will make you MISS HIM and that the marriage Deal~E~O won't be as important to you. IF marriage is really what you want then honestly the next time he calls (and he will) and ask's why does there need to be a point.. then follows up with is marriage the point.. then I guess I would answer him honestly and tell him that for you, YES it is the point. Feel better soon
TinaL33 Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Did you break up because you want to get married? Do you think he wants to get married now that you are gone? Sometimes it takes someone to leave for the guy to realize...It is in your control now... I just left my BF of 8 years because he didn't want to get married, and now that I am gone, he tells me he wants to get married to me..How can I believe him?? he had 8 years to do something..but I am now torn, because I am hearing what I wanted to hear so long ago...Why is it so dam complicated????
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 well no there were a million issues...yes marriage may have been one of them... he doesnt wanna get back..he just misses me and wants to talk.
savethedrama4allama Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 You say 5am...is it slightly drunken sappy time perhaps?
Pocky Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Although he was the one that ended the relationship, he's still emotionally dependent on you. He's being unfair and may not even realize that he is technically using you. I suggest you stop being a support system for him. Tell him that he's made the decision to move on with his life without you and he needs to respect that decision just as much as you should. That means no contact for emotional support.
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 I think you are right pocky.
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 hello all, ok i fell weak and i sent anonymous text message to my ex saying I miss u but I wont talk to u becoz it hurts too much. he ofcourse knew it was me so he called back. he almost wanted to get back together to which I said no, its better if we take a break at this point. He said his only problem was that sometimes I acted abnormal, for example if he said bye and wanted to sleep i would sometimes still wanna talk. He wanted to see me 1 last time and asked me log on to webcam. I did so. He said that he was upset coz i had broken all ties (he was teh one who broke up!)..and atleast we should be there for moral support...to which I said there is no point. I told him I wont talk to him again unless he wanted to try to work things out...or we were trying to get back together. But he must remember Its a big bad world and he has left me alone. oh well
alphamale Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup He said that he was upset coz i had broken all ties (he was teh one who broke up!)..and atleast we should be there for moral support... tell him to go to HELL and stop contacting you!
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 He said his only problem was that sometimes I acted abnormal, for example if he said bye and wanted to sleep i would sometimes still wanna talk. OK number one thing...YOU ARE NORMAL not abnormal. Women talk alot!!! SO what if he wanted to sleep and you wanted to talk!!! IF that is what the actual problem is ...He's serioulsy whacked out!! My husband calls me miss motormouth!! LOL! Let this guy go, tell him to leave you alone. Put you first.
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted February 5, 2005 Author Posted February 5, 2005 OK..GOD SO MANY MEN...AND MORE THERE ARE ..THE MORE THE PROBLEMS.. so my ex calls and says...we are just on a break..we havent broken off... i am not looking for any other girl..i dont feel like it... there arent any good girls except for u... and he has been telling me...that he fantasizes about me day and night... he said that we need to be single for some time figure things out and then if we wanna get back then ... first of all...he wanted o break off with me (not just take a break) ..he wanted to move on and have a change in his life... after 5 years.... he said he dint think we click much and he wanted to date others and see how it is... GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD WHAT THE HELL now suddenly he doesnt wanan date others.. he wants to be single and ona break why are men always so confused?
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 5, 2005 Posted February 5, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup so my ex calls and says...we are just on a break..we havent broken off... i am not looking for any other girl..i dont feel like it... there arent any good girls except for u... and he has been telling me...that he fantasizes about me day and night... he said that we need to be single for some time figure things out and then if we wanna get back then ... first of all...he wanted o break off with me (not just take a break) ..he wanted to move on and have a change in his life... after 5 years.... he said he dint think we click much and he wanted to date others and see how it is... GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD WHAT THE HELL now suddenly he doesnt wanan date others.. he wants to be single and ona break why are men always so confused? Well, I've just had this story from a WOMAN. I guess it's just that some people are confused
lifestyle1 Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 I am in the same situation as you- except I did the breaking off... If after 5 years if he doesnt know that he wants to marry you, then MOVE ON-- and be decent enough for you to find someone who does. If he doesnt know now- it is because he is still looking for someone else. and the bottom line should be that YOU do not want someone who doesn't want YOU. My guy doesnt want to get married now (after 3 years) and i'm not sure I do either, but he never finalized his paperwork and that IS important to me.
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 I know I always think I have moved on...and there comes this 1 day when I behave abnormally..call him 10 times at night just coz i am thinking of him..missing him I hate myself when i do that...and he says..this is exactly the reason I left u i was never this way..i guess i got frustrated being hanged in between Yes and a No from him from past 2 years... anyone wud go mad and even now he wants to talk...i dont... he says he is still confused...and i want to give up..and let it go... it just seems so hard to give up something u have wanted since puberty..but i am going to have to let it go ..... somehow..i wish i knew how...i wish i knew what to tell him so that he cud realize he made a mistake by letting go of a person who wud do anything in the world for him.
lifestyle1 Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 The reason why you call him 10 times at night, IS NOT because you miss him so much, it is because you are co-dependant. It is that personality traight that is a turn-off for him. It is also human nature. The moment you pull away- he will start to pursue you again. Call him once- and then get a life for yourself anything more than once is too needy. You need a better persapective on yourself. You were probably always like this. It just manifests itself in this relationship.
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 can i change this? i'd change anything to be with him.. yea when i stopped calling..he did pursue me.. but then i started calling again
lifestyle1 Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 There are a few books on co-dependancy by Melodie Beattie. You need to change this for YOURSELF. not just in order to get him back. we are creatures of habit- and even a quick fix-it- won't help] because we are who we are and he needs to understand that about you. is he willing? I am doing the NC as well I am ver sad today and feel like crying (but have a job interview this morning)) I want to be strong Im tires of being strong I want to hide in my bed, but im afraid ex will walk in on me (he has the keys) says he 's coming back for stuff. and im mostly afraid and sad. oh I already said that.
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted February 7, 2005 Author Posted February 7, 2005 it'll get better... i promise u it'll get better... suddenly yesterday it struck me..The ending is always happy...and if it is still not happy then its not the end yet it'll be fine... good luck with ur interview..
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