broken_pheonix Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Hello all! I am new here and I need to cry out my pain... Don't need advice because I've red them all here and think I know in theory what to do. About 8 months ago I broke up with my fiancee. We've been together for 5 and a half years. We met online while I was in US and she was in my home country. I felt for her so bad that I decided to leave everything and move back to be with her. So, it was love at first sight and soon after we've met we moved together. Years have gone by and she wanted to get married but I waited for her to grow up and mature. I was 30 and she was 27 when we've met. So we made a plan (I did, I was the thinker) and we decided to get our own house and only after start a family together. She did buy a flat from her own revenues and I worked for almost one year to make it as we wanted. Our future nest... As soon as I finished the house I had to leave the country for business and...we broke up while I was gone. She always did what she have wanted regardless my opinion or well-being. And I was stupid to endure this for so long. But now, I am left without nothing: no future, no more power to continue, anger for letting her use me, anger for her not loving me and the worst: without her. My love for her grew low and low each year because she kept doing things for her and not for us but never the less I still cared for her. So when we broke up, I was the one who wanted this for my own sake. But I keep remembering when I told her that we brake up she was very relieved...I think because she didn't have to do it...I simply made it easy for her. This kills me: to know that she stopped loving me while I was working for our future! I know, I wasn't stupid not to see it but I was making efforts to still have a future while she was just taking advantage. I didn't think that it will affect me so bad, but I still miss her! And to make the brake up worst, I'm in another country where I have no friends, I don't know anybody and I have a hard time making a new partner. I'm afraid I won't reborn from my ashes..not this phoenix bird.....
Trovador Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 You can reinvent yourself... stronger, wiser, more alert and compassionate... keep looking upward, buddy... and we are here to listen...
Author broken_pheonix Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 Thank you. I need this, to speak my pain... And this is what I try to do, to go forward. But is so hard to let go the past...even if the past let go of me. I know I need to step forward but my feet are not moving. She messed up my future and now I have to dream of a new one and I am lacking the will power to do it. Just want to say thanks again for the existence of this forum!
smileforelena Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 its our fear that we would not have something better to look forward to that makes us look back so much.
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