Broke up with gf in the heat of the moment...Getting mixed signals for reconciliation

[collegewrestler15]

So basically, my ex gf(20 yrs) and I (21 yrs) had dated on and off for the past 8 months. The first time we took a break was back during Christmas break when she told me she still had feelings for her ex of 4 years, who just so happened to be a ****ty bf but he has the power of manipulating her because of their long history. Obviously, I break all contact with her for about a month and she eventually reaches out to me telling me she was done with him for good. So reluctantly I give her another chance and we start seeing each other again. We date for a solid two months without any problems, it was great! Literally zero problems up to this point.

But when I spent the entire week with her over spring break, I kept seeing the ex's number pop on her phone from time to time. I asked her every time what that was all about. And she tells me its only because of a the planning for a birthday party their friends had been planning for both of them (My ex and her ex bf just so happen to have to the same exact group of friends since high school). Thus beginning her questioning of my trust.

So after my 'trust issues', for the next 2 days she ignores me because she feels she can't trust me and I get too angry. So I eventually end up attending that birthday party and she continues to ignore me for two hours. I ask her what her problem is and she says "nothing", obviously not the truth! Granted I was under the influence of alcohol, I see her ex bf in her bathroom while she has her pants down using the toilet, which sets me off big time. I kick the ex bf out of the room and look at her and tell her its over. Really didn't want to do it, but felt as if that was what she wanted to happen! The next few days I tell her how sorry I am for making an irrational decision, and how this whole situation is messed up.

So for the next two weeks we have low contact between each other and even plan to meet in person to talk about things. During our meeting, we both get things off our chest and we partially reconcile and she agrees that we should try and work things out. Things looking great right? Wrong.

That same weekend she visits my house in college where we were throwing a big party. Everything is going great between us again until I ask her who her good friends were bringing down to my house for the party. And guess who is en tow with her girl friends? The Ex Bf. This completely makes me angry and I blow up at her which gets her all emotional. She basically says she wants it to work for us but it would take too big of a change for it to happen because I have 'trust' and 'anger' issues. Her friends with her as well end up leaving our party early. And the next day I apologize for everything that had happened the night before. She states that she still wants things to work out between us but that we both need to change a lot of things in our lives. I insist that we go no-contact until I move back to our hometown for the summer. But ever since we've initiated no-contact, I don't receive texts from her but would get snap chats from on an almost regular basis. So last Sunday, I break no-contact after a week and a half. We talk briefly which to my surprise, she enjoys and she states that she wants me to start to going to church with her. I would definitely go to service with her but not sure if i'd be going as a friend. We mutually agreed we need God to fix our problems and she even went as far as telling a friend of mine she hopes that God keeps us together.

What my question is to everyone here, is that do you think she truly wants to work things out between us? This is the first girl I've ever committed to. I was always the type to see girls only briefly, so this has been new to me. And I would rather her tell me to screw off and get out of her life, than contact me every now and then, giving me some false hope. So I need your guys' advice on how to deal with this situation. Because this false hope is eating at me everyday and its started to affect my schooling and everyday life. Thing is, I still want to be with her and I'm almost positive that she does too. THANKS FOR ANY RESPONSES!!!