longjourney Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Yes I did fill out divorce papers, they are still "on hold" for just in case. I am STILL struggling. I am still in weekly IC and we are in MC. Since my last post my WH is still trying. I believe he and the OW are NC, but that is as I stated earlier not thru his initiation, but due to the fact that the OW is in R with her BH. We have had good moments I guess, but I know what I thought we had will NEVER be. He broke it. It is gone. What we have now is a shaky foundation of I don't know what. But we do have a family and that is my sole motivation at the moment. Of course I do love my WH, but that is secondary. We have communicated, I believe honestly on both sides and that is also due the fact that I have all of their history of messages and texts to match up his words to fact, thou he does not know exactly which messages/texts I have. I write this post because I am struggling and this is my venting, getting it out. My medical conditions have had moments recently. My WH has been "supportive" in physical ways. He helps at home with our family with things I just can't physically do, but I STILL feel he is resentful of having to do it, thou he never says it. It is what I always thought he felt during his LTA. Now I sit with the remains after his LTA and it "Feels" like he may still be thinking how much easier it would be for him if I didn't have all these "problems". I talk about my medical limitations once in a while and he listens, but never says much except that "it's okay". This triggers me because during his LTA and after I have many times posted things referring to my issues on social media. I get SO many supportive comments/acknowledgements from other people, but NEVER from him. I try not to post "whoa way me" comments, just referencing my challenges due to my medical issues. He NEVER ONCE comments/acknowledges these posts or in private he NEVER brings them up unless I do. This triggers me and HARD. I finally mentioned it to him because of course, going back to those messages I have. I have read him and the OW referencing my "issues" and he said to her how it annoys him how I talk about it, looking for sympathy and he "hates" hearing/reading about it. He said he finds me lazy and annoying and that he can't take "taking care of me anymore" that he was tired of it and living this way. He was tired. He was tired. Tired of working full time and still having to do "everything" around the house because when I did things, I NEVER did them right. I am not crazy. I do know he said this DURING his LTA when he was in unicorn land, but I also know he loved the OW (probably still does - thou he tries to tell me different, I call it minimizing and trying to spare my feelings). But I also know that he STILL doesn't acknowledge my posts EVER!! Anything referring to me and him he NEVER acknowledges. He does respond to our "family" oriented posts, but nothing about me or us. Am I crazy to think that his lack of caring is SCREAMING to me what is going on in his head/heart. Sometimes my biggest fear is that if I happen to die, he will try to reconnect with the OW....if she'll have him :-( Sorry, having a bad day...AGAIN.
cozycottagelg Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Hang in there. Only you know what you can and cannot handle. It's still early in your R. Keep the papers on hold and just keep plugging along. You'll know when it's time to move on or when it's time to throw the papers out. You are entitled to a bad day, a bad week, month year, years. You got this! 1
uneek74 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Long: Sending healing energy your way and ((((hugs)))). Hoping all works out for you. 1
bosunmate Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Yes I did fill out divorce papers, they are still "on hold" for just in case. I am STILL struggling. I am still in weekly IC and we are in MC. Since my last post my WH is still trying. I believe he and the OW are NC, but that is as I stated earlier not thru his initiation, but due to the fact that the OW is in R with her BH. We have had good moments I guess, but I know what I thought we had will NEVER be. He broke it. It is gone. What we have now is a shaky foundation of I don't know what. But we do have a family and that is my sole motivation at the moment. Of course I do love my WH, but that is secondary. We have communicated, I believe honestly on both sides and that is also due the fact that I have all of their history of messages and texts to match up his words to fact, thou he does not know exactly which messages/texts I have. I write this post because I am struggling and this is my venting, getting it out. My medical conditions have had moments recently. My WH has been "supportive" in physical ways. He helps at home with our family with things I just can't physically do, but I STILL feel he is resentful of having to do it, thou he never says it. It is what I always thought he felt during his LTA. Now I sit with the remains after his LTA and it "Feels" like he may still be thinking how much easier it would be for him if I didn't have all these "problems". I talk about my medical limitations once in a while and he listens, but never says much except that "it's okay". This triggers me because during his LTA and after I have many times posted things referring to my issues on social media. I get SO many supportive comments/acknowledgements from other people, but NEVER from him. I try not to post "whoa way me" comments, just referencing my challenges due to my medical issues. He NEVER ONCE comments/acknowledges these posts or in private he NEVER brings them up unless I do. This triggers me and HARD. I finally mentioned it to him because of course, going back to those messages I have. I have read him and the OW referencing my "issues" and he said to her how it annoys him how I talk about it, looking for sympathy and he "hates" hearing/reading about it. He said he finds me lazy and annoying and that he can't take "taking care of me anymore" that he was tired of it and living this way. He was tired. He was tired. Tired of working full time and still having to do "everything" around the house because when I did things, I NEVER did them right. I am not crazy. I do know he said this DURING his LTA when he was in unicorn land, but I also know he loved the OW (probably still does - thou he tries to tell me different, I call it minimizing and trying to spare my feelings). But I also know that he STILL doesn't acknowledge my posts EVER!! Anything referring to me and him he NEVER acknowledges. He does respond to our "family" oriented posts, but nothing about me or us. Am I crazy to think that his lack of caring is SCREAMING to me what is going on in his head/heart. Sometimes my biggest fear is that if I happen to die, he will try to reconnect with the OW....if she'll have him :-( Sorry, having a bad day...AGAIN.[/QU Don't give up just yet, make sure you have done all you can do. I'm sorry your hubby has no empathy for your health situation. Just remember the things he was saying to her was so she would feel sorry for him so he could get into her pants. Keep your papers handy because you need someone who will love you for better and worse. Don't let anyone put you down, especially when you have limits due to health. I hope everything works out for you both...
Clay Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I personally don't ever recommend staying with a cheater. Cheating shows just how much they really cared for you and loved you. I tried to do what you are doing and I will never do it again. I found I valued myself more than that. You will never truly get anything from them. They already proved they are not worth it. You just have to figure out if your worth it. Clay
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