toungeofcolicab Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 So me and my ex partner now broke up 2 weeks ago. It was a break up out of our control, with neither partner , not hating one another or anything. We both are incredibly in love with one another still. I have said numerous times i still want us to pursue a relationship, and she has said she needs time to think about it, which is fair. One day she says she can't live without me, and the next day she says she doesn't want to talk to me, cause it's too hard to have me in her life. We hardly fought through our relationship, and now after it, we are fighting a fair bit, over pointless stuff. I asked her to go out on saturday night with me, which she agreed, and then a day later, said she initially made plans with her friends, and doesn't want to let them down, i was upset, but understood. I had said to her on Saturday afternoon, lets go 2 weeks without talking to one another to see, where we stand, and she duly agreed. That Saturday night, i went to a club with a friend, and she actually happened to be there (pure coincidence). I started talking to 2 girls at the club, just randomly, i had no intentions of pursuing anything, or doing anything with them, just meaningless chit chat. I asked if they wanted a lift home, as they lived a street away from my friends house , and i did. The next day, she went into my Facebook, and saw that i had taken these girls home. When she asked at 3am, if i was going onto any girls, i said no, which i wasn't really, but she was upset i lied and didn't tell her about it. We argued for the next few days. Now she doesn't know what she wants from me, and is constantly talking about these girls, who i have no interest in at all (one was actually a girl one of my other good friends is seeing/dating). They were randoms though. I've told her i want her in a relationship again and only her, but she believes something went on with these girls, but it didn't definitely didn't. No flirting, nothing. She said she feels betrayed and disrespected by it that i could get over her so easily (we dated for 5 years) but i was genuinely being nice and that was my only intention. She told a few of her friends about what happened, and they all said I'm this that and the other. I asked her again, what does she want from me, a relationship? something more? and she says she doesn't know and is confused right now, but wants to work towards being in a relationship again. The question, i want to put forth is, who is in the right here? I feel like i've done nothing wrong at all, and i usually always acknowledge and accept blame when i do. I want to pursue a relationship again, and we constantly text one another still, but she feels like i've betrayed her, but i believe under no obligation should she feel that way. Am i being too insensitive?
PegNosePete Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 You have done nothing wrong. You call it a break up out of control but lets face it, she dumped you. And then she rants at you for giving some other girls a lift home. You've done nothing wrong. She sounds a bit crazy. You should tell her that you didn't do anything with the other girls, but even if you did, you're not together any more so it's none of her business.
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 First, when people break up it's not because they have an amazing relationship, it's because they have problems. You have to see things for what they are. If your relationship was so loving and amazing you'd be together. That being said if you 2 needed a break up than make it a break up. No contact, no going out together, no having each other on your FB and watching each other's movement. What you are doing right now will destroy what ever chance you have to getting back together. It's not working, do you see it? No, you did nothing wrong. You are not a couple anymore, you don't have to report to her anything. How old are you 2? 2
Author toungeofcolicab Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 The only reason we broke up was due to the fact her parents wouldn't approve of me, nothing else. I have always been the one who has wanted to initiate no contact, no nothing, yet she calls, texts, whatever. She deleted me off her Facebook due to this event on the weekend, cause i 'betray her'
zebracolors Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 First, how could she ascertain that you gave those girls a lift from your FB page? Unless you posted something incriminating? Also she agreed to the deal of no talk for 2 weeks, why should you have had to tell her your social activities unless it was your choice to do so? At any rate, from what you say, she's seems to have convinced herself that something definitely happened between you and one (or both) of those girls. Plus she's told her friends possibly to validate those feelings. But honestly, don't let her string you along with the possibility of getting back with you, but always having this incident as a thing to hold over your head. IMO, having known you for 5 years, couldn't she trust you at your word? And if she really does want to get back with you, she needs to let this go. And you need to know she isn't going to use this as some sort of manipulation down the road. But you know her best so do you feel she would do something like that? Question to ask yourself.
Gaeta Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 The only reason we broke up was due to the fact her parents wouldn't approve of me, nothing else. I have always been the one who has wanted to initiate no contact, no nothing, yet she calls, texts, whatever. She deleted me off her Facebook due to this event on the weekend, cause i 'betray her' I believe the reason you broke up was SHE said her parents would not approve of you, you never got to confirm this because she never told her parents about you, right? This was all assumption and she never gave it a try. Remind her that you are broken up, you don't have to report to her. No more contact and if she text or call : ignore.
Author toungeofcolicab Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 First, how could she ascertain that you gave those girls a lift from your FB page? Unless you posted something incriminating? Also she agreed to the deal of no talk for 2 weeks, why should you have had to tell her your social activities unless it was your choice to do so? At any rate, from what you say, she's seems to have convinced herself that something definitely happened between you and one (or both) of those girls. Plus she's told her friends possibly to validate those feelings. But honestly, don't let her string you along with the possibility of getting back with you, but always having this incident as a thing to hold over your head. IMO, having known you for 5 years, couldn't she trust you at your word? And if she really does want to get back with you, she needs to let this go. And you need to know she isn't going to use this as some sort of manipulation down the road. But you know her best so do you feel she would do something like that? Question to ask yourself. I didn't post anything incriminating at all, the friend from the night before asked me if i got them home safely, and i said and she saw that from the conversation. Cheers for the advice i appreciate it a lot. I don't think she would necessarily use it against me, but she might bring it up every now and then, which i don't care about. Gaeta, the situation with us is very difficult. As i posted a few weeks prior, we're both from the same background, but there was a civil war, and obviously sides arose. Hence why it would be difficult, considering her family migrated to australia from that war, while i was born here, so i really don't care about it at all. No more contact, started as of tonight
PegNosePete Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 You were with her for 5 years, yet her parents still have the ability to split you up? How old are you both?
Author toungeofcolicab Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 So my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago today i think. It has been devastating and has really consumed my life in a big way, where i have been upset, depressed and just torn. We still consistently see one another i'd say about twice a week. Last Wednesday we went shopping, where she was very clingy, affectionate, holding my hand, kissing me, telling me she misses me being her boyfriend, and misses everything about us. The reason we broke up was due to the fact she was certain her parents wouldn't be accepting of me. Also i said a few petty lies, which she said she got over but she didn't. I've made my intentions known with her and she knows what i want. She has gone out with dates with one guy, who she then asked for me to hit, cause he was too sleazy, which i found funny ( i didn't). She loves to make me jealous, and it kills me, and i've told her off about it now and she says she will stop. We still text message all day everyday ,and snapchat also. She also has told me, that she daily goes into my Facebook, to see if I'm talking to any girls, or liking any girls photos. The thing i'm not certain about though is her. When she texts me, she will act very cold, very standoffish which she says is an attempt to push me away, which is not working according to her, which i find even more weird. In person, she is very affectionate, tells me she loves me etc. The being very cold to me, gets to me, and i've done it in return also, where it leads to her saying "If you're going to be like that, don't talk to me". We've had sex a fair few times also since we've been broken up, and when i ask where are we heading, she says i don't know, as she's confused. I asked her out on a date for next weekend, to which she has said yes. The thing is, when we hang out, she is ALWAYS the one who initiates, the holding of hands, kissing, etc but if i was to do it, i would get pushed away ,and then she questions why i don't make more of an attempt. She still tells me everything about her life, every aspect of it, as if we are still together. She is afraid of losing me and i obviously also am. Last night for the first time, she finally opened up about her feelings, cause she didn't tell me before. She says she's depressed, lonely, she wants me more than anything, and wants us back more than anything. She says she's gained 7kgs as a result, which i can't really notice, while i've gone in the opposite direction and lost 7kgs Last night we went for a drive, and got to talking where i let out my frustration about it all, and we got into a fight. She said we can either be together, or nothing at all. When i said lets be together, she then started saying we can't be together etc. This has been a constant argument since we've broken up, yet, everyday, it's essential we get in contact with one another. This Sunday would've been officially 2 years together, and i suggested, even though we aren't together, lets do something for it, to which she said, we will if i have time (due to work etc). She still asks for us to hang out after she finishes uni, which I'm expecting later on this week as well (maybe hopeful as well) Are we still together trying to work it out? that's the impression i get. I saw a psychologist, to told me, for girls, there comes a point in a relationship, where it starts getting serious and they get scared, so they break up with the guy. The purpose for that, they want to see how much the guy truly loves the girl. Last night she asked me if you could marry me right now , would you? to which i responded, honestly yes. Her confusion has me very confused, scared and just uncertain, not knowing what to expect. She has said if i was to talk to another girl, she would be distraught, which i also find unfair. We are definitely, still head over heels in love with one another, and she says she thinks about me all the time etc, and she knows I'm going to fight till the end, but one day she will say, don't fight for me, and the next day she will say never stop. Her thoughts literally change daily, and what she wants out of me changes daily. I apologise for the length of the post, but i thought a fair synopsis was more appropriate. Advice guys?
todreaminblue Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Any woman who actually wants you to hit another man and get hurt in the process or hurt someone else......because you will.......isnt worth fighting for.......or worthy of devotion from you....that is my advice...violence is not cool....deb
flitzanu Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 this right here: "She said we can either be together, or nothing at all. When i said lets be together, she then started saying we can't be together etc. " she said you can't be together, and no matter how much you hang out, you're still not together. you're letting her have the best of both worlds. she gets you at her constant beck and call, and she still gets to go out and date and bang other dudes. if she wanted to be with you, she would be with you, and she's told you she isn't. you should listen to her.
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