wgrubby Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 First Post. Spent the day witht he ex-girlfriend the other day. We've been apart now for a year and see each other about once or twice a month. I'm still in love with her and have not been able to move on. I went to see her Sunday to return the rest of her things. I wanted to get some closure on this relationship because I have been a basket case for the last year. I think she still has feelings for me but doesnt' want to get back together or be together with any man. Anyway, we spent the day together and had a nice time. She told me now that she has been working as a stripper now for the last 5 months. She is extremely bitter now towards all men, and this new job is making her more bitter. I am so upset by her decision. I didn't tell her or give her a hard time with it. I just told her that I didn't agree with it but understood why she chose to do it. She spent a long time talking about it to me. She kept asking me if we can still be friends. I told her yes. Part of me wants to just run away. I wanted to even before finding out what she does. The other part of me still cares for her so much and I feel like I would be abandoning her. I'm so confused. I'm stuck in limbo and need advice.
P1xie Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 If you truly care for her be her friend she needs you. I have been dancing for about four months and you do grow a certain distaste for men. Some guys that come to the club can be so disrespectful...yeah you can say us girls are asking for it because we are taking our clothes off. Just remember each of us girls can be a mother, a daughter or a sister. Most guys wouldn't go to a regular bar saying some of the crap they do. Most of us girls are doing a job, earning a income to support ourselves not looking for love or to get laid. It's the nice guys like you that give remind us that not all men are *hit. Be there for her.
morrigan Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 If you feel uncomfortable about her new attitude, regardless of her job, it would be a good idea to get some distance from her. You didn't say why you two broke up, but it sounds like there are still unresolved feelings. It would be better just to have no contact for as long as you need. You aren't in a relationship with eachother, and you wouldn't be abandoning her. You are not responsible for her happiness, and she is not responsible for yours. It sounds like your feelings for her are getting in the way of moving on with your own life, or being able to not worry about the way she acts or the choices that she makes. It's her life, you can't protect her from her own decisions. Just stop visiting or contacting her.
Author wgrubby Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 Thanks for your reply. Its not even so much my own jealousy's and insecurities about her dancing. Although I do have some of that. I just find it so tough to be friends with someone that I'm still in love with. I want her to be happy even if it isnt' with me. It's so hard to spend time with her and not want to hold her, or kiss her. It's ironic that the reason our relationship ended was due to my brother's bachelor party. I had promised her I wasn't going to go and I had so much pressure from my other brothers that the day of my brothers party, I told her I changed my mind and she fell apart. I ended up not going but by that point the damage was done. She never understood that I didn't want to go to any club to look at any other women. I was just going to go because of my brother. She never understood that. I guess I messed it up by breaking a promise. I worry about her and this new job. I want her to be happy and I fear that the only positive thing she will get out of dancing is money. Being a dancer, can you tell me how they feel about men and how are their relationships? thanx
morrigan Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by wgrubby I just find it so tough to be friends with someone that I'm still in love with. Wgrubby, I think that this is the big reason you both need to distance yourselves from eachother. You can't treat her or react to her problems like a regular friend, because you still have feelings for her. When she makes bad decisions, or decides to date other men, it's going to hurt you badly. Until you can accept that the relationship is over, you shouldn't put so much concern into her life. As far as stripping, I can't speak for Pixie (or anyone else here who is or was a stripper), but it's a job--it affects people differently. Some guys are b*stards at the clubs, some think the girls are prostitutes, some just want a girl to pay them attention. I know a girl who was a dancer for 14 years, her career was her top priority, she was often too busy travelling as a featured dancer to have any serious boyfriends.
Weird Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 If you have feelings for her then you cant do the friendship thing. It wont work...IMO that is. As for stripping...I feel bad that some women have to deal with some serious bastards at clubs (fyi i have never been to a strip club...I think they are silly) that obviously will affect their view of men in general. Also, I feel bad for those women who strip simply because they feel they have no other options (read SKILLS) out there to make money. It seems very degrading to me and I am glad my mother or nobody I know is a stripper. Obviously there are those that strip and do it because they like being nekkid in fornt of strangers. Those women IMO have some self respect issues...
P1xie Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 [quote Being a dancer, can you tell me how they feel about men and how are their relationships? thanx At the club I work at most of us girls either are married or boyfriends. We are no different than other girls aside from the fact of how our others react to what we do for a living. At first my boyfriend loved the idea. I think it was a turn on to him plus a status thing. Stupid as it sounds I think he had some fantasy about having a stripper for girlfriend. Then after a couple of months of dancing when my sex drive went down because of what I'm doing he started to accuse me of cheating and questioning what I was doing. I think just because the thought of strip club is a turn on to him he thought it was to me. I had to remind him that I was not gay and seeing naked women did nothing for me. He couldn't understand my lack of wanting sex or how when I'm home I'm more covered up than I use to. He is resenting the fact that all these guys see me naked and I'm hardly naked at home anymore. I can understand that but after having to pretend to be sexual all day and exposing myself I really don't feel like doing the same when I get home. I actually think it would be easier to do this job without a guy in my life. The ones that get me are the guys who meet the girls at the club and then want them to quit what they are doing.
Author wgrubby Posted February 2, 2005 Author Posted February 2, 2005 Thanks for your reply. I know its just a job and I'm not judging her. I was just curious how difficult it is for most dancers to have relationships when they often see the worst in men at their job everyday. Even if her and I are never together, I want her to be happy and I don't want her job to have a negative impact on her mind and how she feels about relationships with men.
P1xie Posted February 2, 2005 Posted February 2, 2005 I can only speak for myself and at times it is difficult for me.
zara Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Weird If you have feelings for her then you cant do the friendship thing. It wont work...IMO that is. As for stripping...I feel bad that some women have to deal with some serious bastards at clubs (fyi i have never been to a strip club...I think they are silly) that obviously will affect their view of men in general. Also, I feel bad for those women who strip simply because they feel they have no other options (read SKILLS) out there to make money. It seems very degrading to me and I am glad my mother or nobody I know is a stripper. Obviously there are those that strip and do it because they like being nekkid in fornt of strangers. Those women IMO have some self respect issues... I agree with Weird about about the friendship thing - it's going to make it more difficult for you in the long term. Us dancers tend to be fiercely independent and if she feels as thoguh she has moved on from your relationship then you have to accept that. Weird - a lot of people think that women only dance because a) they lack the intelligence to do anything else, or b) are rampant exhibitionists. When the truth is usually neither. Many of us are well educated to Master's level and have professional qualifications but dancing suits us because we are self-employed, can work hours that suit us and leave us with plenty of quality time of our own (that we are able to enjoy rather than being exhausted by the rigours of a conventional job) and can earn great money. Sure, you can encounter customers who do nothing for the good name of mankind but we are no more anti-men than any normal woman.
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