arghzme Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 What hurts you more? The fact that she broke up with you? Or the fact that she moved on real quick and is already seeing someone new? It has been about 15 days since absolute NC (40 days since she said she wanted to break up). I'm still mad at things. I don't understand what is bothering me more. I do other things to keep myself busy, I hang out with people. I talk to friends about the break up. But nothing seems to have a healing effect. I feel like I'm beginning to go mad.
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Rejection feels terrible When we love and care for and trust someone and they reject us it feels more and most terrible What you're feeling is normal, though really a crap pile if there ever was one. 3
Stronger14 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Hey man, To answer your question, they both are contributing to your hurt. I wouldn't say one is hurting more than the other, because it's the combination of the two. With that said, you are still early in the process. Everyone has a different timetable for recovering from a breakup. I would say that it's actually easier to know that she's moved on to someone else so quickly. I didn't find out my ex moved on until 2 months after my bu, most of the time I spent hoping for her back and trying to figure out what I could do to get her back. But now you should have that anger, that f-k her attitude. Yes, it hurts, and you should hurt as long as you need to. But you also need to come to the acceptance stage, and move on with your life. Do you really want to take her back after knowing she's been with someone else? I personally know I can't. You need to focus yourself on moving on. Erase her from your life (which is the point of nc), and keep thinking about how your going to improve yourself for your next relationship. Also, while talking to your friends about the bu can be effective, I would set a limit on that. I found myself talking to my friends about it for way too long, and it delayed the moving on process. 4
anemptycup Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Good Question. They both hurt - but for me, i can tell you that her moving on (she slept with someone and started dating a week after we broke up) is and what has been hurting me the most. It's a slap in the face... kick in the gut when you're already down... Call me evil or whatever - but hell no it doesn't help knowing she moved on so quickly.. or moved on period! i want her to be alone... i want her to be miserable.. i want her to be going through what i am... I already know it's over - and knowing she's out here dating, moving on... so quickly.. does nothing but make me jealous, insecure... and feel like ****... all i can think of is how the new guys are better than me... plus, her being capable of moving on so soon, makes me feel even more lame for not being able to move on as quickly... hence why it is SO important to have ZERO information after the break-up... something i have SUCKED at doing. i feel with you man - it really hurts - whatever you do - don't snoop on her - i don't know why i do this to myself.... but i couldn't help looking at her dad's facebook just an hour ago.. saw pics she posted of them on a hike.. and this guy she started dating on our last break-up in May last year is the only person who has liked a photo of just her face! - i know she contacted him straight after our break-up... and now.. all i can think of is that they are dating... and it causes only pain.. yes, i'm an IDIOT for doing it - because now that one simple "like" has given me fuel for pain for god knows how long... maybe months... sad thing is - i was actually doing a lot better... and for some reason this feeling that - "i'm doing better so i can handle some pain" it's insane. DON'T snoop on her... it's not worth it. Good luck with your recovery. 3
Author arghzme Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Hey man, To answer your question, they both are contributing to your hurt. I wouldn't say one is hurting more than the other, because it's the combination of the two. With that said, you are still early in the process. Everyone has a different timetable for recovering from a breakup. I would say that it's actually easier to know that she's moved on to someone else so quickly. I didn't find out my ex moved on until 2 months after my bu, most of the time I spent hoping for her back and trying to figure out what I could do to get her back. But now you should have that anger, that f-k her attitude. Yes, it hurts, and you should hurt as long as you need to. But you also need to come to the acceptance stage, and move on with your life. Do you really want to take her back after knowing she's been with someone else? I personally know I can't. You need to focus yourself on moving on. Erase her from your life (which is the point of nc), and keep thinking about how your going to improve yourself for your next relationship. Also, while talking to your friends about the bu can be effective, I would set a limit on that. I found myself talking to my friends about it for way too long, and it delayed the moving on process. I don't even want to think about whether I will be able to take her back. I guess, that would depend on the way she would approach the situation then, if there is ever is. I think it is this bloody hope that makes it even more irritating. Makes you go mad. Drives you f***ing insane. I'm doing everything to erase her, man. FB, IM, Whatsapp, Text, etc etc. all forms of communication.. Just does not seem to work. She is on my mind all the time. I'm on a college vacation right now, and don't have anything concrete to work on. College re-opens in 10 days, maybe that would help. But I don't know!
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 It's one in the same... One really makes no difference about the other...
Author arghzme Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Good Question. They both hurt - but for me, i can tell you that her moving on (she slept with someone and started dating a week after we broke up) is and what has been hurting me the most. It's a slap in the face... kick in the gut when you're already down... Call me evil or whatever - but hell no it doesn't help knowing she moved on so quickly.. or moved on period! i want her to be alone... i want her to be miserable.. i want her to be going through what i am... I already know it's over - and knowing she's out here dating, moving on... so quickly.. does nothing but make me jealous, insecure... and feel like ****... all i can think of is how the new guys are better than me... plus, her being capable of moving on so soon, makes me feel even more lame for not being able to move on as quickly... hence why it is SO important to have ZERO information after the break-up... something i have SUCKED at doing. i feel with you man - it really hurts - whatever you do - don't snoop on her - i don't know why i do this to myself.... but i couldn't help looking at her dad's facebook just an hour ago.. saw pics she posted of them on a hike.. and this guy she started dating on our last break-up in May last year is the only person who has liked a photo of just her face! - i know she contacted him straight after our break-up... and now.. all i can think of is that they are dating... and it causes only pain.. yes, i'm an IDIOT for doing it - because now that one simple "like" has given me fuel for pain for god knows how long... maybe months... sad thing is - i was actually doing a lot better... and for some reason this feeling that - "i'm doing better so i can handle some pain" it's insane. DON'T snoop on her... it's not worth it. Good luck with your recovery. I'm sorry man. I can relate with everything you mention! For this exact reason, I'm off FB for sometime man. I watch football, read books, do everything I can to keep my mind off her. But nothing works, man. How many days of NC has it been for you?
Stronger14 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Good Question. They both hurt - but for me, i can tell you that her moving on (she slept with someone and started dating a week after we broke up) is and what has been hurting me the most. It's a slap in the face... kick in the gut when you're already down... Call me evil or whatever - but hell no it doesn't help knowing she moved on so quickly.. or moved on period! i want her to be alone... i want her to be miserable.. i want her to be going through what i am... I already know it's over - and knowing she's out here dating, moving on... so quickly.. does nothing but make me jealous, insecure... and feel like ****... all i can think of is how the new guys are better than me... plus, her being capable of moving on so soon, makes me feel even more lame for not being able to move on as quickly... hence why it is SO important to have ZERO information after the break-up... something i have SUCKED at doing. i feel with you man - it really hurts - whatever you do - don't snoop on her - i don't know why i do this to myself.... but i couldn't help looking at her dad's facebook just an hour ago.. saw pics she posted of them on a hike.. and this guy she started dating on our last break-up in May last year is the only person who has liked a photo of just her face! - i know she contacted him straight after our break-up... and now.. all i can think of is that they are dating... and it causes only pain.. yes, i'm an IDIOT for doing it - because now that one simple "like" has given me fuel for pain for god knows how long... maybe months... sad thing is - i was actually doing a lot better... and for some reason this feeling that - "i'm doing better so i can handle some pain" it's insane. DON'T snoop on her... it's not worth it. Good luck with your recovery. Yes, it does hurt more. However, it sounds like you are angry at her, which is a good thing. It's better to be angry at her after finding out she's with someone else, than still hoping for her back (which I hope you're not doing). After all, how could you take someone back after knowing she's with someone? I absolutely wouldn't be able to do that, which is what I was alluding to. Transfer the focus from what she's doing, to what you're doing. You are in this world once, so start worrying about yourself and what you can do to be happy again.
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