Stronger14 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 First off, I don't mean to offend anyone in this post. In fact, I'm here to help, from one dumpee to another. I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading on loveshack lately, and one thing I'm tired of reading about is dumpees looking for "reasons why he/she broke up with me". I get it, I really do. I was broken up with 3 months ago, for what my ex claimed was because "she wanted to find herself", and "she loved me, but neither of us were ready for the next step". For 3 months post breakup, like you, I searched for answers. I asked myself why, why would she do this, what were her true reasons if any. To be very blunt, (sorry if this adds to the pain) the only reason your ex broke up with you is because they want to find someone else. [/b] That's it, there is no other reason. It's not bc they want to find themselves, or bc they need to figure things out, or any other reason that has been posted her on ls. For 3 months, I couldn't figure out why my ex broke up with me. She even explicitly stated that it wasn't about anyone else, and she wanted to focus on herself, yada yada yada. Bullsh-t. People leave relationships because they want to see what else is out there, they want to be with someone else, and not you. I know this may sound harsh, but to hear so many sad stories about breakups, and people trying to rationalize reasons why their ex left them, is so disappointing. I know bc I wasted so much time doing the exact same thing.. The sooner you realize that your ex left you bc they wanted to be with other people, the better. The notion of it happening "out of the blue", which is how I used to describe my breakup, is irrelevant. Whether you saw it coming or not, it doesn't matter, it still happened. When you come to the realization of why your ex left, the idea of getting back with them actually starts to dissipate. They left you to find someone "better" than you (which we all know is impossible, right?) so do you really want to be second best? Do you really want to be their second option if their plan to find someone better doesn't work out? How do you know that they won't do it again? These are the true questions you should be asking yourself and the ls community. Rather than continuing the trend of asking "how can I get my ex back", you should instead be asking "how can I get to the point of not wanting them back?" Ahh, now to the good stuff.. My (bitter) harsh rant does have a purpose. If there's a few things that I've taken away from learning how to get to the point of not wanting them back, its that no contact is the way to go. Start no contact and stick to it. Caliguy and Tara made a great guide of this, do it. Accept that the real reason they broke up with you is to see other people, and you will really start to question your desire to get them back. Lastly, to the loveshack community: this place has been an awesome read post breakup. When I've had tough times and struggled, was tempted to break nc, coming here and reading everyone's advice encouraged me to be strong. But beware: the forum is filled with people that are searching for hope. Be careful with how many stories you read about people getting their ex back. If you are like me, and everytime you read a story about how someone got their ex back and you get a glimmer of hope, it doesn't help. Stop searching for ways to get them back, and start reading about ways to get on with your life. All of the **** that didn't kill us is only - you know, all that ****. You're gonna get over it. - Swingers 2
faithfully Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Couldnt disagree with you on this post. Very true words there and we have all bern thru what you said. Well i have anyways. Nc is the best way to go, wish i knew what it was as soon as my ex finished with me, but after coming on here i know now. Been 4months of hardcore NC and i love it. Defo opens your eyes to things and makes you see clearly. I would NEVER EVER get back with my ex even if he was the last man on this earth and i always say never say never. But i can be a million percent sure i will never get back with him. Good post. Hope more people realise this
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