4givrnt4gtr Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I don't know how to cope. Ive been in relationships before that have ended of course. But before, I KNEW things were wrong, it wasn't a surprise. This time around it literally came out of the clear blue sky. Granted, we are not officially broken up...but I am in a motel room with my two cats, waiting for him to figure out whether he loves me enough to marry me....4 months before our wedding....after two years of a relationship which I thought was wonderful. By clear blue sky, I literally mean clear blue sky. 30 minutes before he told me he wasn't sure he loved me enough to marry me, he had been excitedly talking about the wedding, emailing vendors and making plans to finalize details. So then we started talking about an issue that happened two days ago where I royally screwed up and made us late to his friend's wedding. From there, it went to how he hadn't been sure to marry me to begin with, that he proposed too soon and that he wasn't sure he loved me enough. This is the same man whom after a year of dating kept talking about marrying me, and having children even before getting married. I put no pressure whatsoever, and had not expected him to propose when he did. Besides getting married he kept talking about having children and we even made an outline of when we would start trying to get pregnant, given our work and career commitments, and we had attempted at least once or twice this year. We talked about our values, which match, we talked about our goals, our dreams. I supported him in his idea of being a writer and lined up a job where he could work part time and stay home part time writing. He supported me in my idea of working in the military, which lined up with his ideas as well. Whenever we had a disagreement we talked it out and figured it out without fights or craziness. I thought we were so good together. I have no idea WTH went wrong. Im so blindsided. Our relationship was my anchor, sort of my haven I guess, from the craziness of life. I felt secured in us, in his love for me, and then just like that, in less than 30 minutes, 2 years seem to be going down the drain. This is the last place I thought I'd find myself today. In a hotel room, no place to go, just waiting to see if he figures out whether he loves me enough or not. I don't know which way is up. I can barely wrap my mind to the idea that my world is caving in and somehow I still need to function. I have no idea how to cope with all this.
TrappedWanderer Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Just sending you big HUGS! I, too, got hit out of the blue...but it was 5 days after our wedding. Shock doesn't even begin to describe it. Is there anywhere you can go-parents, friends, etc? Or, honestly, sometimes just a day or two to yourself thinking about everything might be good. Hard as hell, but good. Whatever happens now, just be sure you are keeping in mind what is best for YOU-try, hard as it is, not to focus on the hopes and dreams, but the reality. No small feat, I know. Give him a few days...even weeks...to wrap his own head around things. But don't confuse giving him time with giving him control. You are BOTH in this relationship. Talk to friends, family...a counselor, even a hotline...sometimes just rambling talking can be more of a help then you realize. Hang in there and hug those kitties of yours!
JamesM Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Question: Any indication he is bipolar? Probably way off....but it hit me when I read your post. I saw your other thread too, but the way you wrote this one made me think of someone I knew.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Thank you for your replies. No, he isn't bipolar. He wasn't angry when he told me he didn't love me enough. He looked more like panicked confused and scared. Ive talked to him a few more times since this happened. He says he loves me but something else is happening to him that he can't figure out. His best friend told him to man up, that he is frightened because this commitment is big. I agreed, and basically told him that I wanted to go back to just being bf and gf. That after this I wasn't sure I could marry him just yet either and so we need to go back to the part of the relationship we are both sure of. SO thats were we are. This is so crazy and confusing. I hope it turns out ok
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