Jogger123 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Just some quick back story. She broke up with me in December, it caught me off guard because I had no inclination of it coming. I got a whirlwind of excuses and didn't even understand why at the time. 2 years... I was a mess. No kidding. I was broken. I begged for her to come back for about a week. She was extremely extremely cold. It was like I was talking to a complete stranger. So mid sentenced while on the phone I stopped talking, and hung up. I haven't spoken to her since. I found out that she was already in a relationship a couple of weeks after the BU. I'm not dumb and naive, something was going on behind my back. So that in a way pushed me further in moving on. So back to now. She texted and called me asking if she could talk to me about things, the tone in her voice was very... depressing? So why all of a sudden? I mean she wanted NOTHING to do with me after the BU. She emotionally shoved me away, didn't want to hear a damn thing I had to say. WTF now does she want to talk? And why do I find it insulting?
mammasita Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 You should find it insulting. Her new relationship probably fell apart and she's lonely, crawling back to what she knows. Don't take her back! 5
Cessius Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 One of the things I am going through right now as well. Unlike you she did not emotionally move on. She only put the hurt off by taking the feelings she had for you and putting them into someone else. It takes time but that kind of coping never works. She soon realized that they were not you and she still had feelings for you. You begged for a week to have her back when you got out of the relationship, she has finally understood that she is out of the relationship too and is begging for you back. Putting your feelings into another person is just selfish and a time bomb of emotions down the road. My advice? keep moving on, don't meet with her and maintain NC. She didn't want you and hurt you before and will again if you try to get back in. You are insulted because you put so much time into yourself and coping with the BU that she never did and now she is trying to destroy the progress you made. Don't regress you have made so much ground work in getting over it, there is no reason to fall back down at ground 0 with her. 3
Trovador Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 You are offended because you know what she is thinking: "At this time of my life I settle for just anyone... even that guy, what was his name?..." You are a free man, you paid your debt, don't look back ever... 6
Author Jogger123 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I see... Why would someone have the nerves to do this? As far as I know she's still seeing this "new boyfriend." This guy she works with whom she "connected" with more. It just baffles me. You guys would laugh at me if you saw just how distraught I was a few months back. She didn't give a rat's ass about how I felt. Just boom, there's my defense and I don't want to bother hearing your's, giving you a chance, or anything. Cold... cold... cold. I'm taking cold as ice. I took the time to myself. I didn't contact her again and just concentrated within my own realm. I'm just so infuriated right now...
barky2 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Plain as day written on the wall just as mamasita said. Her first option ( him ) didn't work out. Now she's checking in on her second option ( you ). She's obviously cheated on you if it happened that quick, please dot be Nieve. Tell her the ship has sailed, I guarantee she will do it again. Best of luck. Barky 2
Author Jogger123 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 DAMN IT.... it's starting to get too me....
Author Jogger123 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 I haven't responded, but part of me wants to so bad.
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Heeee (smirking at her, not you) If there was something going on (and let's face it, the insta relationship coupled with wanting to drop you like a bomb all but says there was) it sounds like she came to realize she was not getting the deal she expected to. Maybe the guy is a liar or a jerk, or maybe the "sparks" died right off and the realization they are not compatible came shining through. So, yes it is insulting of her to want to pick you up and use you as her comfort pillow. 1
BC1980 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Did she specify what she wants to talk about? I would not respond if it's a vague message to talk about "things." I doubt she wants you back. 1
Author Jogger123 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Did she specify what she wants to talk about? I would not respond if it's a vague message to talk about "things." I doubt she wants you back. One of her text read: "I know you every right to be mad and hate me. You do. I understand that. Please I need to talk to you."
somegoodman Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 One of her text read: "I know you every right to be mad and hate me. You do. I understand that. Please I need to talk to you." There's nothing in there to suggest she wants you back. You're getting way ahead of yourself here. Sounds like you almost want to convince yourself she's trying to win you back. In any case, certainly don't respond. "Please I need to talk to you" means she wants to dump her emotional baggage on you. Don't let her do that, just stay silent and take solace in the fact that she's melting down. 3
Million.to.1 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she wants you back at all. My bet is she is just feeling guilty about what she did! Broke up with you as soon as something new and seemingly more alluring showed up. She left you for him. She had it all lined up and didn't want to be labelled as a cheater, so she just did the next worse thing, which is breaking up with you, lying to your face, saying she "needs space" or whatever "excuses" she used, knowing FULL WELL what she was doing. Now that the dust has settled, she is starting to see that her actions were selfish, manipulative, and down right insulting to you and the relationship you shared. she probably wants to ease her guilt by talking to you and making sure you are "ok" ... and i don't mean Ok, and in, you are happy and life is good for you... I mean Ok, as in, you are OK with her, and what she did to you. That you still love her in spite of what she did. I would not give her the satisfaction. She will continue to contact you till you respond. If you want to squash this now, reply with something like this... "I have zero interest in seeing or speaking to you about anything anymore. Please do not contact me ever again. Good luck with everything..I do truly mean that." ... and then you live happily ever after. 1
Ajax Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 One of her text read: "I know you every right to be mad and hate me. You do. I understand that. Please I need to talk to you." This stood out to me like a sore thumb, and it seems to get to the crux of the matter. Did you catch it? She needs to make sure her needs are being met regardless of how she treated you before and how you feel. She met her needs when she ended your relationship. She met her needs when she moved on with someone else immediately. She met her need to cut you out of her life by acting cold. Now she needs you to meet her needs again by talking to her... about what? There are a few possibilities, none of which will meet your needs. She might be lonely and looking for a soft place to land, as previously mentioned. She might be feeling guilty about how she treated you, and needs you to let her know you don't blame her. She might be looking for a second chance (the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior). Or she might be pregnant, either by you from before, or her new fella. In any case, her only concern is her needs. Yours don't and may never have really factored into her plans. Please stay NC. 5
Hoosfoos Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Wow, I can't imagine how conflicting this situation must be for you. I have no idea how I would respond in the same situation. Stay strong. 1
Author Jogger123 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she wants you back at all. My bet is she is just feeling guilty about what she did! Broke up with you as soon as something new and seemingly more alluring showed up. She left you for him. She had it all lined up and didn't want to be labelled as a cheater, so she just did the next worse thing, which is breaking up with you, lying to your face, saying she "needs space" or whatever "excuses" she used, knowing FULL WELL what she was doing. You took the words RIGHT out of my mouth. I'm not even kidding. When I was "processing" the breakup, this theory DID cross my mind. I've always thought that she was in deep with this "new lover" and word was starting to spread or something of the nature, so she decided to pack and leave with the title of a dumped rather than a cheater. Thank you and too all who have stopped by so far
sooshi Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Jogger, like some of the others have expressed, I don't think she wants to get back with you, but yes, it does seem insulting that she contacted you the way she did. It sounds like she's having a hard time and is coming to you because she thinks she can and that you'll take it. Or, as others have suggested, she is feeling guilty about what she has done and is wanting to talk about things to get some relief. Her new relationship probably hasn't been working out and she realizes now the damage she caused to you and to your relationship, and wants to release herself from the guilt by talking to you to ensure that you're okay with what has happened. Regardless of what it is she wants, she's making it about herself. I would suggest not responding, as hard as it might be to do that. 1
Author Jogger123 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Regardless of what it is she wants, she's making it about herself. I would suggest not responding, as hard as it might be to do that. Absolutely. I don't plan on responding at all. It just really pissed me off that she would have the nerve.
bluegreen Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Well you got shocked hurt and then pissed off now get over it. Oh and block b... number and any other way of contacting you let her be shocked hurt and pissed off for change ... 1
faithfully Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Dont reply back or meet up with her. She made her bed by finishing with you and getting with somebody else. Now she can lie in it. Dont be her back up plan. She should have thought long and hard before finishing you. Her loss!!! Ignore her 1
Arieswoman Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 hestheone66, Could she be pregnant? What if she is, it isn't the OP's problem at the moment? If she comes back 9 months later waving a DNA test result in his face then he can deal with that later. Jogger123, don't get sucked into this, keep walking away. 1
BC1980 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I agree with everyone else. It sounds like she wants to offload some emotional crap onto you for her benefit. Don't respond at all to the text. Remember, curiosity killed the cat. I've seen people respond to these texts too many times, on this board, only to get sucked back in and regret it. 1
Author Jogger123 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 I blocked her number. I'm just so offend by the fact that she would reach out to me. I will NOT be an option. BTW she isn't pregnant. Thank you for the support. 1
faithfully Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I blocked her number. I'm just so offend by the fact that she would reach out to me. I will NOT be an option. BTW she isn't pregnant. Thank you for the support. Aww good to hear it, glad you put your foot down and didnt fall for her bull**** 1
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