cdt76 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I met a girl 2 months ago tomorrow. Found out she has some pretty hefty baggage about 2 to 3 years ago that she is just now sorting out. I like her a lot. She has a similar job as I do, moved to a duplex about 6 minutes from my place. Due to the overwhelming nature of her past relationsips, I decided to let her take the lead and plan things, dates, activities. I followed her lead and she led. We saw each other a lot, daily, worked out together, ran together, it all just sort of flowed. But she has these periods or days where she literally disappears. We have not discussed being exclusive. I am or at least am not talking to anyone else. I don't know if she is. Over the past week she has stopped planning dates and events for "us". She has planned things that I'm not invited to. So, now the mistrust of my past kicks in, my mind takes over and I either want to sit her down and tell her I want to be exclusive or never speak to her again and run. I really like her. So many things in common and we have a lot of fun. I am not good at dating, I'm insecure that she might be seeing talking to other people and my timing is awful. Please help.
soccerrprp Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I think it's time for you to plan a date and see how she responds. 2
HappyLove Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Time for you to step it up and ask her out. She's probably tired of planning everything. There's nothing a woman likes more than a man who takes charge and plans the date. She may do it but I could see it getting tiresome.
Author cdt76 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Time for you to step it up and ask her out. She's probably tired of planning everything. There's nothing a woman likes more than a man who takes charge and plans the date. She may do it but I could see it getting tiresome. I actually did step up a few times. The last one she changed altogether and didn't do anything I had set up. I think it's time for the convo.
soccerrprp Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I actually did step up a few times. The last one she changed altogether and didn't do anything I had set up. I think it's time for the convo. As in she changed the details of the date to something else entirely? How did the end of that date go?
Author cdt76 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 As in she changed the details of the date to something else entirely? How did the end of that date go? Yeah, she changed the details. End of the date was fine. Happy ending so to speak. The problem I'm having is one of my own doing. I don't trust and therefore I get insecure because we haven't had the exclusive talk. But I don't want to push her away by trying to control the situation
firsttracks Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 This is very similar to a situation I was just in that she ended yesterday. Girl with massive amounts of baggage, had only dated one other guy in the past 2-3 years (so she claims I don't trust her anymore). She took the lead, planned everything, I rolled with it, as soon as I showed interest or brought up the relationship talk she ran for the hills. She's probably scared to get hurt which I thought my girl was and ran for the hills. Turns out I wasn't aggressive enough for the one I had, she wanted drama and fighting. Or heaven forbid, she's seeing other guys when she disappears. From what I experienced I would NOT push for anything or bring it up or even confront her. Reel yourself back, do you, if you still like her see her on her terms but I would not pursue or push for a relationship, I suspect she'll freak or feel boxed in. In all honesty bud, I don't see this working out. Sounds like she's not ready to be serious and it sounds like your more into her than she is you. The ONLY way you're going to keep her attention is to do your own thing and not pursue her. Your already losing her attention. Plus, why do you want to further involve yourself with someone who goes MIA for days. That's a red flag.
Author cdt76 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 This is very similar to a situation I was just in that she ended yesterday. Girl with massive amounts of baggage, had only dated one other guy in the past 2-3 years (so she claims I don't trust her anymore). She took the lead, planned everything, I rolled with it, as soon as I showed interest or brought up the relationship talk she ran for the hills. She's probably scared to get hurt which I thought my girl was and ran for the hills. Turns out I wasn't aggressive enough for the one I had, she wanted drama and fighting. Or heaven forbid, she's seeing other guys when she disappears. From what I experienced I would NOT push for anything or bring it up or even confront her. Reel yourself back, do you, if you still like her see her on her terms but I would not pursue or push for a relationship, I suspect she'll freak or feel boxed in. In all honesty bud, I don't see this working out. Sounds like she's not ready to be serious and it sounds like your more into her than she is you. The ONLY way you're going to keep her attention is to do your own thing and not pursue her. Your already losing her attention. Plus, why do you want to further involve yourself with someone who goes MIA for days. That's a red flag. Found a text on her phone last night from Brandon. Apparently while if was asleep in her bed the other night she was texting him. "Good night you good looking sexy man" Enough said I guess.
Author cdt76 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 So, we had the talk about being exclusive. I asked straight out if we were or if there are other people. She stated there are no others and we are exclusive. I thought things would become more intimate. But they didn't. She basically did the flake out/180 thing. I had texted her a couple times yesterday about some questions I had that were really important to me and she ignored them. Then when I pointed out (in a very rude and let's fight kind of way) that she had ignored the questions, she said I was being mean. Haven't spoken to her since then. I'm going to go quietly into the night. I just need some encouragement because I'm about through with this dating thing.
StanMusial Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Some girls just aren't relationship material. Sounds like you knew she was one of them and kept trying anyway.
tekkenfan2 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Just be done with this girl. She isn't serious/relationship material. You already saw her text that other dude and then you asked if there was anyone else and she lied. We're done here. You seem like a nice guy, don't give up on dating. She just isn't the right one, keep looking
Author cdt76 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 I've been dating since 2007. In 2009 a disaster of a relationship happend and I found LS. It's been one bad date, bad woman after another. I haven't had a relationship last over 8 months. I'm 43 years old. Although in really great shape physically, I'm just not finding women who are healthy and happy. So if there aren't any out there, then I am done looking. The disappointment is too unrelenting.
HappyLove Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 I've been dating since 2007. In 2009 a disaster of a relationship happend and I found LS. It's been one bad date, bad woman after another. I haven't had a relationship last over 8 months. I'm 43 years old. Although in really great shape physically, I'm just not finding women who are healthy and happy. So if there aren't any out there, then I am done looking. The disappointment is too unrelenting. Are you the type to only date "hot" girls?
Author cdt76 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 Well, attractive girls, yes. Not even that really, just "in shape" girls.
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