Evandar Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 I dont have a diary but I needed to get this off my chest.. Writing about it makes me feel better and helps me cope and see everything from an outside perspective. I hope this either entertains you or helps you spot any potential problems in your relationship. I had been seeing this girl for six months.. Beautiful, smart, funny - ment the world to me. The first four months or so were bliss.. Although there were a few little things that annoyed each other we were generally happy. The last two months things began to change... she wasnt as enthusiastic about sex, she lost all interest in going out to dinner/movies whatever together, she started to complain about more things and she wouldnt do things that she used to do (lend books, burn cds, etc) - all of these things i was willing to do for her and more. She has several guy friends and thats cool with me - i'm not a very jealous person and I gave her my complete trust and confidence. The past two months shes been talking about this friend shes met and how much she likes him etc.. so the last two weeks of our relationship we have arguments about little things and it really starts to fall apart. She calls me last week and lists all of my little faults, tells me that her friends and family dont like me and says that she thinks we should have a break up (I wouldnt list her faults, i'm not like that) - I agree. So we get in touch generally over the last week, organising the return of items we owe each other. She calls me to tell me that shes gotten together with this other friend of hers.. and that shes gotten together with him about a day after we broke up. Now i'm pretty upset.. not for the fact that we broke up.. it really wasnt working out anyway, but i'm actually angry that as you can see from an outside perspective shes basically broken up with me for another guy, listing my faults as the cause to lessen her guilt. I hate her guts right now. Unless this has happened to you I cant expect you to fully understand the depth of the anger and sadness that I am experiencing. This is the first time its happened to me and I wouldnt have understood without it happening to me... I just wanted to get this off my chest and look at it from an outside perspective.. Also, if your girlfriend or boyfriend starts acting less interested and more critical of you there is a good chance he or she is interested in someone else. I cant really explain the mind games on text because I dont do them but chances are you wont see whats going on until its too late. Thanks for listening.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by Evandar 1. The last two months things began to change... she wasnt as enthusiastic about sex, she lost all interest in going out to dinner/movies whatever together, she started to complain about more things and she wouldnt do things that she used to do (lend books, burn cds, etc) - all of these things i was willing to do for her and more. 2. ...shes basically broken up with me for another guy, listing my faults as the cause to lessen her guilt. 3. Unless this has happened to you... 4. Also, if your girlfriend or boyfriend starts acting less interested and more critical of you there is a good chance he or she is interested in someone else 5. ...chances are you wont see whats going on until its too late. 1. Very typical - she was getting to know you the first three months, weighing her options the fourth month and decided that she did not want to continue the relationship. Then, the long slow "falling out of love" death as she was slowly building a foundation with the new guy during those two months. Thankfully it was only two months. Some people have the crap drag out for much, much longer. 2. Again, typical. The dumper never wants to add more self-guilt in a situation where they already feel pretty helpless and guilty for not having the feelings that they know you want them to have. Turning it on the dumpee is a way to try to keep themselves from looking like they dumped you for no other reason than the fact that they just didn't want to be with you anymore. They don't want to look like the bitch or bastard in the situation. 3. It did. I will never forget that night: midnight, softly falling snow on some historic bridge in Concorde, Mass - he was going to propose - this was the big moment. He looked right into my eyes and said "I don't love you". At the time I was shocked, but in hindsight I really should have seen it coming. He was cold and distant and I was blinded by my own frantic need not to lose him so I wasn't picking up the clues as I should have. I've also been the 'dumper' too. Equally painful. 4. Generally speaking, yes indeed. They are creating justifications by goading you into arguments or turning you into an obligation which they then in turn resent. Then they get angry with you for causing themselves to feel so much guilt. Its a twisted, convoluted thing - but basically its the perpetrator blaming the victim for causing him/her to commit a crime. 5. Yes. Absolutely. To successfully fall out of love, you have to hide the process from your partner until you reach a point where you are emotionally detached enough to make the break. Pair that with blind hope and blissful ignorance on the victim's part and the process completes nearly seamlessly. By the time you realize what is happening, you try to hold on - but its too late. There can be moments of weakness where the perpetrator will remember the good things and come back and it will be "just like before" (which can be confusing as hell - you delude yourself into thinking they still love you as much as they did as they run hot and cold) - but before you know it, this person whom you loved and cared for and cared for you has become a cold, unfeeling statue. Its especially painful to see the emotional investment you had being given to someone else. Its good that you are writing. I find that writing it out really does help.
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