riokid180 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Fiance left me on March 19. I still feel miserable everyday, though i go to a therapist twice a week, work out religiously, surf at least one weekend morning each week and started learning a musical instrument. I instituted NC a couple of weeks ago. Is it ok for me to start seeing other people now? If not, when?
mammasita Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Thats not for anyone to decide for you, but I can say that it hasnt even been a month yet. Take some time for yourself, why do you want to rush? Can you think about your ex moving on and feel indifferent? Can you see your ex with another partner and feel nothing? Untill the answer is that you don't care what your ex is doing, you're not ready. 1
Author riokid180 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Thats not for anyone to decide for you, but I can say that it hasnt even been a month yet. Take some time for yourself, why do you want to rush? Because I'm hopeful (though not sure) it would make me feel better? Or at least desirable again? Because I am fearful of the day I run into my ex with some new guy or hear about it through mutual friends or see it on a Facebook or Instagram feed of mutual friends? Because I have always been a serial monogamous but maybe now it's time for a change?
mammasita Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Because I'm hopeful (though not sure) it would make me feel better? Or at least desirable again? Because I am fearful of the day I run into my ex with some new guy or hear about it through mutual friends or see it on a Facebook or Instagram feed of mutual friends? Because I have always been a serial monogamous but maybe now it's time for a change? Well, this is cliche but its true - you will never be happy until you find peace within. Hang out with friends, family, find hobbies to fill your time. Don't focus on dating. Nobody else is going to make you feel good, only YOU can. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 It's not measured on a calendar. However the fact that you are still miserable tells me you are not ready to date again. You haven't finished grieving & anybody you meet will be a rebound at best. What I mean by that is the new person will be a filler, there because there is a void in your life & you will fill it with anything just to plug up the hole.
Author riokid180 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Well, this is cliche but its true - you will never be happy until you find peace within. Hang out with friends, family, find hobbies to fill your time. Don't focus on dating. Nobody else is going to make you feel good, only YOU can. How am I supposed to find peace from within?
freebird31 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 How am I supposed to find peace from within? Forgiving yourself. Forgiving your ex. Forgive but don't forget. That's one if the first few steps. Finding peace is a journey. It doesn't happen over night. It may take some time and that's okay.
Itspointless Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 How am I supposed to find peace from within? By going through the pain, again and again and again, until you reach the point that it is just not there any more. 1
robbysurfs Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 You will know when its time it took me a 1yr. When you dont feel that connection and you feel whole again is when your ready. When you are happy,joyous,and free then that stuff will come to you. You will not have to look just keep living your life. It is natural to want to bond with another but understand you dont need another to feel good and whole.... “Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. ” ― Anthony Robbins 1
Lokie Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 My opinion is that many relationships would not lose steam so quickly if people took time after breakups to grieve, reflect, learn and heal. If you are not capable of bringing your whole, healthy self to a new relationship, you are using someone to help you cover the pain you are feeling, which is selfish. The other person deserves more. You are at a great time in your life if you really are interested in finding peace within. It is through pain that we learn our strength and gain confidence and self esteem through facing it… alone. Getting in a new relationship is the easy road. Doing the work on yourself is harder, but trust me, pays off far more in the end. Good luck to you. L. 1
freebird31 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 My opinion is that many relationships would not lose steam so quickly if people took time after breakups to grieve, reflect, learn and heal. If you are not capable of bringing your whole, healthy self to a new relationship, you are using someone to help you cover the pain you are feeling, which is selfish. The other person deserves more. You are at a great time in your life if you really are interested in finding peace within. It is through pain that we learn our strength and gain confidence and self esteem through facing it… alone. Getting in a new relationship is the easy road. Doing the work on yourself is harder, but trust me, pays off far more in the end. Good luck to you. L. I agreee! Getting through this on my own this past year, alone without dating or turning to unhealthy ways to cover the pain, has taught me a lot about myself! It made me realize how strong I can be, and in the end has given mountains of confidence in myself. Who would have thought that pain can mold you into a better person. 1
rubberman Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I started dating again, 2 weeks ago. Almost a month had passed since my breakup. But I'm nowhere ready for a relationship. I'm just enjoying myself sleeping with other girls. But it's really individual when starting dating again. Just because I was able to do it, doesn't mean you are.
lamis Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I am in a pretty similar situation and timeframe, OP. My fiancée left me on March 15th. I was with her for 2.5 years total and engaged to her for 10 months. I still feel pretty sad about the whole thing, and don't really have a day go by where I don't have a period of the day where I feel completely awful. My philosophy about the whole thing is that I am not going to date anyone until I am no longer upset about the whole thing. This is partly for myself, but also for future women I might date -- it is really not fair to them if I am still so damaged. You mention in your post that you are "devastated," and while I understand the urge to get with someone new to sort of erase your ex from your mind, because I have had it too, I don't think it is the best idea until you are happy alone, as other posters have mentioned. You can be the best partner possible once you are happy alone and don't feel like you need someone else.
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