DollyRocker Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I broke up with my ex a month ago. Long story short I have had to be in touch with my ex to get my stuff back and it's sent my fairly good recovery back in reverse. I keep wishing that things could have been different. But I know he can't give me the type of loving long term relationship that I want. I just wished I hadn't spent 2 years on him and took note of his emotionally immaturity before. I interpreted it as youthfulness. I've realised that I keep going for the same type of emotionally remote / commitment shy person. Is it because I am emotionally unavailable myself in some way? On the outside I'm very kind and loving but have not had a man in my 34 years be 'in love' with me although they say they love me their own way. Ps I didn't know they my ex wasn't in love with me til we broke up.
KaliLove Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I broke up with my ex a month ago. Long story short I have had to be in touch with my ex to get my stuff back and it's sent my fairly good recovery back in reverse. I keep wishing that things could have been different. But I know he can't give me the type of loving long term relationship that I want. I just wished I hadn't spent 2 years on him and took note of his emotionally immaturity before. I interpreted it as youthfulness. I've realised that I keep going for the same type of emotionally remote / commitment shy person. Is it because I am emotionally unavailable myself in some way? On the outside I'm very kind and loving but have not had a man in my 34 years be 'in love' with me although they say they love me their own way. Ps I didn't know they my ex wasn't in love with me til we broke up. I feel ya sister. I wasted 4 years on mine. Have you considered therapy to try to figure out why you keep going for unavailable men?
Author DollyRocker Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I'm British so we don't usually go into therapy here although there is relationship counselling.
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Britain has no therapists? How about psychologists?
smileforelena Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Hey DollyRocker I am not in the position to say whether you are emotionally unavailable or not. And definitely unable to answer why your relationships turned out that way. One thing I learned after 2 major break ups we must love ourselves first before we can love anybody. When we learn to love ourselves inside and out and we feel whole just being on our own it tends to attract the right sort of people into our lives. I know how it is to be on the right track to recovery and then crashing the one day the moment your ex enters your space (mentally, emotionally and/or physically). Whether we admit it or not, when people walk away from us it leaves us on a limbo. Not sure how to move forward, cant exactly go back and just too dang sad to go anywhere. For those who leave they had time to prepare so they can turn off just like that. At the end of the day, we must make a choice. If we have to drag ourselves out of the rut then thats what we must do. Force ourselves to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel. And there is light. We know that. Its tough but we just have to exert effort to go forward and see it get bigger.
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