laylay305 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 i met this guy online. so far we've been out on two dates. the last date was last friday. he took me out, we went dancing, then we went back to his place and talked for a while. eventually, we started kissing, and fooling around a bit. we didn't have sex though as i told him i wasn't ready. somewhat in the middle of it, we stopped and he said he wanted me to promise him something and admitted that it was a bit ridiculous. he told me to promise him that we would do this again and that it wouldn't be the last time he saw me. i told him that of course i wanted to see him again, and asked if he was scared that i was going to run or that he was scaring me off (when the conversation between us has gotten pretty personal, he's mentioned "i hope i'm not scaring you off"). he said somewhat, mentioned that i almost seem too good to be true, and that for all he knows i could also be dating the prince of wherever. not exactly sure why i revealed this, but i told him that i was only dating him currently. he said "i don't know that we're there yet", which kind of surprised me. i mean, i guess if i were dating multiple people, i wouldn't have said anything, but the fact is that it's just him right now. we continued to kiss and fool around a bit. at one point he stopped and told me that he liked me. he asked me to spend the night as he was worried about me driving home, so i did. we cuddled, chatted, made out for a bit in the morning. he told me we have to do this again. i left early cause i had a lot going on that day, and texted him to let him know i made it home safely. he texted back saying thanks for letting him know and thanks for a wonderful night. i didn't hear from him again until yesterday morning. apparently he was sick all day saturday, and sunday he was busy. we chatted for a while yesterday, he asked how my weekend was (i went to my brother's college to celebrate his birthday), and he asked how it was, aside from young dudes hitting on me. at one point, i also mentioned something he's really fond of and he said we would have to do it together when the weather is nice. i'm just kind of confused. sometimes he comes on very strong, but then he makes comments that confuse me. is he really into me? thanks for the help
Secret Advisor Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Yes he's into you. But it doesn't seem like you are into him.
Kernal Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I think he is into you.. I think he's playing the age old dating games.. He doesn't want to scare you off.. you know.. the three day rule.. etc..
mammasita Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 He seems kind of... *Gasp* normal! LOL! yes, he seems rather normal to me too. Go with the flow and don't read too much into it. I know how you feel though, its hard navigating early stages. I did the same thing - wondering what every little move meant or didn't mean. The more you relax, the better things flow, I promise.
HappyLove Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I say be careful. Sounds like he's saying all the right things to get you to put your guard down. What really jumped out was the we're not there yet comment. He's making sure you know you two are not exclusive. So don't invest too much until you are exclusive. Sounds like he has other options. Remember ACTIONS is what you pay attention to NOT WORDS! Be especially careful with men you meet online they know all the right things to say then disappear on you. Two dates with a stranger and you stayed overnight?! Not wise, please be careful you don't know this man and they will feed you a bunch of BS. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if this guy goes poof as soon as you give it up. 2
Valen Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Red flags. He just want sex. He's not really into you. He's playing mind games. The things he said was to tear down your defense. He tried to get sex but you stop him. So to diffuse the situation he play it like he is the one who is scared you will not see him again. He knows you probably wondering if this guy is in it for sex or in it for me. So he said those things so to make you think he really likes you. Notice his actions after the date conflicts with the flow. All red flags to me. Reason you're confused is because your gut is trying to warn you about him. Trust it. PS I doubt he was sick over the weekend. He was probably out with another girl. Try and take it real slow with this one. Go at least 6 dates with no sex. If he likes you, he doesn't mind waiting. My instinct is telling me however that once he get what he wants, you won't hear from him much. 3
Valen Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Looks like HappyLove and I have the same Player-detector. It's not surprising we both made the same conclusions. 1
HappyLove Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Looks like HappyLove and I have the same Player-detector. It's not surprising we both made the same conclusions. We see this posted here weekly don't we? And it usually starts with...I met him online. Usually by women who have already been used and cast aside. I'm glad OP got here before all that.
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Valen may have a point, but maybe he is a good guy, too. I think this is too little information to go on in one direction or the other...
Author laylay305 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I think you all make excellent points. And I've been with a few men who have done exactly as Valen and HappyLove have pointed out. I know not to give it up too soon and subscribe to the no sex before exclusivity belief. That being said, it is possible he's a player and that's all he wants. However, I told him that I didn't want to have sex and he didn't try to push it. He acknowledged my limits and stayed within them. I do feel like there is more to it than sex, but I know to be cautious. I guess only time will tell.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I say be careful. Sounds like he's saying all the right things to get you to put your guard down. What really jumped out was the we're not there yet comment. He's making sure you know you two are not exclusive. So don't invest too much until you are exclusive. Sounds like he has other options. Remember ACTIONS is what you pay attention to NOT WORDS! Be especially careful with men you meet online they know all the right things to say then disappear on you. Two dates with a stranger and you stayed overnight?! Not wise, please be careful you don't know this man and they will feed you a bunch of BS. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if this guy goes poof as soon as you give it up. I was about to post the same thing. He could genuinely be a good guy, but I'd keep your guard up OP.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Kind of a shame that when the guy does everything decently, it gets categorized as a "red flag" for player-like. Guys are damned if they do and damed if they don't lol! That's not to say I disagree with those making that observation. Good to be cautious. But some healthy caution should occur in the early stages of any new relationship regardless, soo..
HappyLove Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Kind of a shame that when the guy does everything decently, it gets categorized as a "red flag" for player-like. Guys are damned if they do and damed if they don't lol! That's not to say I disagree with those making that observation. Good to be cautious. But some healthy caution should occur in the early stages of any new relationship regardless, soo.. Well the facts are that this was only 2 dates. He could be telling her anything at this point. Then the contact trailed off after the second date. He just displays some characteristics that bad guys do. I think a good guy after a couple dates would make more contact. Good guys don't lay it on so THICK...oh promise you'll never leave me, your too good to be true, you could be dating a prince
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Well the facts are that this was only 2 dates. He could be telling her anything at this point. Then the contact trailed off after the second date. He just displays some characteristics that bad guys do. I think a good guy after a couple dates would make more contact. Good guys don't lay it on so THICK...oh promise you'll never leave me, your too good to be true, you could be dating a prince Could be. But also could be is he's scared of overwhelming her and he's trying to back off a bit. Too early to say. Could he be a player? Yes. Could he be a decent guy? Yes.
Author laylay305 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I wouldn't say that the contact trailed off. We don't always talk daily. Regardless, his intentions aren't exactly clear. He seems like a genuinely good guy, but I know I should be cautious. Thanks for all of the replies.
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