firsttracks Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I realized something this morning. I easily attract and interest women I'm trying to pickup or date. I'm a nice, fun, genuine guy with lots of hobbies and a solid career. At first it's effortless, they come to me. Then as soon as we get intimate or develop feelings I get all soft and have to seriously try to not be too needy or cuddly. This is the point I push them away. I do stuff I don't even realize, the last girl like 3 weeks in came over after work to sleep over and she used my shower. I gave her crap saying it kind of feels like I have a girlfriend. Ugh, no wonder she bailed. The last 4 girls I've been with this past year have all been incredibly experienced. In sex, relationships, dating, manipulation, phasing out, and ending things. Me on the other hand, I'm experienced in sex that's about it. By experienced I mean I'm good at it but have only had a handful of partners. What I suck at is sustaining things, I'm terrible at dating after we start having sex because I develop feelings that are irrational and I'm terrible at relationships and holding my own, I hate drama and hate having to call the girl I'm into out on her own BS. So is the issue me and that I need to be more secure with myself when I get to this point? I hate doing that, I live with passion. If the girl I'm with is pretty in the morning sun I'll tell her, I'll shower and come back and cuddle and be 5 minutes late to work. I think these girls are so experienced that 98% of the 50 guys they've slept with never did that so they see it as I have issues or are clingy when really I just like affection and like to be sweet. Or is the issue that the playing field isn't level? Am I dating women who are TOO experienced? I feel like they seem nice at first and then just walk all over me and yeah I need to not let that happen but I don't want to be with someone who is capable of taking advantage with me and being ok with that. It kind of feels like I'm a minor league team playing in a game with a professional team and then when I get burned or lose I'm wondering what I did wrong when in reality the other team has been to the world series and we haven't even made the playoffs. Sorry it's baseball season.
Gaeta Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I realized something this morning. I easily attract and interest women I'm trying to pickup or date. I'm a nice, fun, genuine guy with lots of hobbies and a solid career. At first it's effortless, they come to me. Then as soon as we get intimate or develop feelings I get all soft and have to seriously try to not be too needy or cuddly. This is the point I push them away. I do stuff I don't even realize, the last girl like 3 weeks in came over after work to sleep over and she used my shower. I gave her crap saying it kind of feels like I have a girlfriend. Ugh, no wonder she bailed. You're kind of hard to follow here. So you attract the ladies no problem, then after intimacy you get a little cligny and it pushes the ladies away BUT then you give an example where you were FAR from being needy and cuddly, you were flat out rude and inconsiderate. So what are you? cligny or an @ss? The last 4 girls I've been with this past year have all been incredibly experienced. In sex, relationships, dating, manipulation, phasing out, and ending things. Me on the other hand, I'm experienced in sex that's about it. By experienced I mean I'm good at it but have only had a handful of partners. What I suck at is sustaining things, I'm terrible at dating after we start having sex because I develop feelings that are irrational and I'm terrible at relationships and holding my own, I hate drama and hate having to call the girl I'm into out on her own BS. Ok so, if I understand well when you feel cligny and needy you turn into an insensitive jerk? So is the issue me and that I need to be more secure with myself when I get to this point? I hate doing that, I live with passion. If the girl I'm with is pretty in the morning sun I'll tell her, I'll shower and come back and cuddle and be 5 minutes late to work. I think these girls are so experienced that 98% of the 50 guys they've slept with never did that so they see it as I have issues or are clingy when really I just like affection and like to be sweet. No they are not experienced because an experienced woman knows guys love morning sex to the point of getting to work late. She would also know that cuddling is something men enjoy and he does not need emotional attachment to enjoy it. Or is the issue that the playing field isn't level? Am I dating women who are TOO experienced? I feel like they seem nice at first and then just walk all over me and yeah I need to not let that happen but I don't want to be with someone who is capable of taking advantage with me and being ok with that. I don't understand this part. How can women take advantage of you when after a couple of weeks you turn into a jerk and they bail? How do they walk all over you? 1
hackney Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Ah - I relate. I'm very much like you and know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I think it has something to do with connecting and bonding easier- as in, we do that easily and enjoy it. Most males are not as quick about it. Confuses the female. Confusion leads to slight irritation. The irritation grow and things fall apart.
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Lol I used to be this way. It's about realizing you're doing it before you're about to do it, and re-word it or not say it at all. I began talking with multiple girls at a time and that helped, as you always had a sense of being "unavailable", but then once you make it official with one, you drop the rest. That's what I did. I'm with a girl now whom I care about deeply, and we always are affectionate. It would probably make most people vomit if they witnessed it. Cracks me up
Jethro Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 You've had 4 girls in the last year? Well stop complaining buddy and also stop wearing your heart on your sleeve so much. What are you looking for anyway? A fwb, steady girlfriend or a wife/mother of your children?
SJC2008 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Most women are chasers. Once you chase them more than they chase you it's over. It shouldn't be that way but it is and it's that way enough for it to be a rule of thumb. A woman I dated about a year and a half ago started to pull away after about a month and a half into things ans said I was too invested and tbat she wanted to be friends. I went NC on her and take a wild guess who broke first? She did. Funny she broke first when I was the one more invested.
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Most women are chasers. Once you chase them more than they chase you it's over. It shouldn't be that way but it is and it's that way enough for it to be a rule of thumb. A woman I dated about a year and a half ago started to pull away after about a month and a half into things ans said I was too invested and tbat she wanted to be friends. I went NC on her and take a wild guess who broke first? She did. Funny she broke first when I was the one more invested. Lol that's funny. I feel you. Though it's more along the lines of, men are perceived in our culture as being independent, not needy, so if we display traits that would point us as such, it is considered anti-masculine, which is a turn off by default. Silly? Sure. Realistic? Unfortunately. It's what our skewed culture bred.
slizl Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 The most "experienced" women that I have been with had slept with relatively few men, BUT they had all been in LTR's. You don't learn much by banging a ton of people once or twice, the real learning comes from being comfortable with someone (LTR) and experimenting and honing your skillz
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