kwt Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 My boyfriend dumped me saying it's not going anywhere and added that I am getting obsessed with the relationship. We met like 2-3 times a week, I never asked for more; there were times that he wanted to hang out but I was busy with my work/family and there were also times I suggested hanging out and he got plans with friends but I didnt bicker about it; we usually messaged each other everyday, but I never bombed his phone. We've both taken the initiative to text the other or initiate hang outs. Even when he got distant during the final two weeks and stopped finding me first, I texted him at most once a day. If he didnt reply, i didnt push him. What did he mean by getting obsessed?
David87 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 You weren't obsessed by what you wrote, but obviously there must be more to this story. Anyway he bailed, it doesn't matter anymore. Sorry for your pain. 1
zen2475 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Sorry to hear you are going through this. I agree with the other poster that it doesn't sound like you were obsessive; however, I would pay more attention to the first part of what he said. He doesn't see it going anywhere, so he let you go. Also, because of that, he may have felt you were more invested in the relationship, so that's probably why he called you "obsessed". Time to go NC. 1
faithfully Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 he used the texting as an excuse as he didn't want to be with you any more. I agree with the previous just got NC and ignore his ass
Tressugar Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Based on what you wrote I don't see you as being obsessed...I believe he was done with the relationship and this was his way of checking out.
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Yeah I'd have to lean towards he was just making up an excuse... it's quite common. Keep your head up
Itspointless Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Is this about the same guy you were talking in your first post? Because that guy sounded really immature to me. if it is the same guy, Pointing out his disrespect for you the way he did was the right thing to do. Saying that makes you obsessed is kind of low. Sounds in all honesty like a cheap lie to get out because his to big ego was hurt.
Zahara Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I think he used that excuse as his way to get out of the relationship. Rather than point at himself, it was easier for him to blame you for it. 1
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Based on what you have said, it probably meant he believed you were more serious / wanted more from the relationship than he did.
sooshi Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 It also sounds to me like he was making an excuse to end the relationship, and that it was easier to put the blame on you than for him to carry it himself. From what you said, you don't sound like you were obsessed with it at all. He wasn't into the relationship as much as you were. He doesn't come across as a very mature person though; someone more confident and accountable would be honest with you about how he's feeling rather than make up an excuse. I know it hurts, but you deserve better treatment than this.
bluegreen Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Hm you did not put out ( maybe ) You did not put up with his crap ( very possible ) You were smarter much mature in better place in life had better job. He liked a chase much more then he liked being in relationship. Or he met someone who is as easy shallow empty headed and immature as he is. All in all he does not even deserve to be mentioned as bf much less remembered as one and you lost nothing doll nothing at all.
Author kwt Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 I don't know if it's because if he's said or done something to me that made me feel not being respected or, I sometimes would voice it out, but it never last longer than a couple of replies during texting. And he would say I am overreacting that I need to relax or call me names (not rude ones but still..) or be sarcastic about it. Everything's back to normal right away. One time I talked about it face to face, he was defensive when I mentioned to him I want to talk about sth w him, that he didnt want to talk. eventually I did and he got pissed and said I was being emotional ruining his weekend and he could do what he want and I shouldnt date and it's not fun. I was so scared because I felt like he's gonna break up w me but it wasnt my intention when I brought that matter up, I just wanted him to understand why I was so upset about it, and hopefully if it went well I could bring up some other issues I was insecured about. But he obviously didnt want to talk and I didnt want to make it worse to a point he would actually break up with me right there so I just said I wouldnt talk about it again. and things went back to normal the next day There are things he's been doing that I am not a big fan of, like him drunk calling and waking me up at 4, from time to time play with his phone when we hang out (and I am always the one traveling to his place); or him sometimes being too spontaneous with plans and expecting me to be there and when I cant he sometimes be passive aggressive about it. I have mentioned it to him before, and he'd still do it sometimes, I started accepting it but I sometimes may have shown a bit of annoyance/passive aggressiveness in how I reply the text; 1-2 times I'd be like "I thought you mean it when you blah blah blah blah (being affectionate when he seldom did it anymore when sober) but you were just drunk" or "you're the one who drinks for that long, you cant call me an alcoholic" and then I needed to "relax" according to him I don't know if he's thinking that if I am not happy with him doing this or that to me, at least to the point of voicing it out or having him to hear about my drama, why I am still dating him?? Like he prob not going to change those and yet I still date him and got upset when he crazy drunk text me or with his phone playing? But of course everyone's got something that the other person won't like, there will always be things one doesn't like about someone. There are probably things he doesn't like about me, like I can be upset by things he did (maybe trivial things, to him at least or I read into things too much.) and then tell him that and he thought I am a drama queen or crazy. Now I look back at the stuff that I reacted to, then I realized they're probably not that big of a deal. I dont know if it's because now that he dumped me, I kept thinking he's right and I probably read into the stuff he said/did the wrong way or too much, that he probably wasnt that "ungrateful" or "uncaring" I made it to be. I mean we are pretty fine when we are talking face to face, he's usually not that sarcastic; but when we are texting, he's way more sarcastic and there're more names going around, and I would easily feel the urge to "fight back" (because I read into it too much). Most of the time I held it, sometimes I just didn't especially when I wasnt in a good moood to begin with (but it shouldnt be an excuse...) I don't know if thats the meaning of "not going anywhere" and me being obsessed.
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