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Ex is now with someone else but she still wants to be friends?

brokensoul31

By brokensoul31
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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brokensoul31 New Member

brokensoul31

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My partner for nearly 6 years wanted to break up with me 2 months ago because she said she didn't know what she wanted. She became distant and cold and her reason was she has personal issues and baggage from her previous marriage. I didn't agree to the breakup. Three weeks ago I found out that she was dating my boss. I was devastated because all along my intuition was right but she keeps on insisting that the new guy was not the only reason she wanted a break up.

 

Now, they are officially together but we still live together in a house that we bought a year ago. It's very hard because we cannot sell the house straight away. I can't bear to see the two of them at work going out, having lunch and coffee together. I know that if she's not at home they are together which is killing me.

 

She wants us to stay friends just like before but I told her I can't give that to her. How can I be friends with her when I still want her so much? I love her to death eventhough she cheated and betrayed me. I just want to forget my feelings for her but I can't seem to instill that in my brain. She's on my mind all the time and all the things that happened keep on replaying in my mind. I don't want to be like this. I can't focus at work because I see them all the time.

 

I don't know what to do. She asked me, if she's not with someone else, would it make a difference, would I let her go and be friends with her. I told her I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know what game she is playing. I want her back so badly but I know she's no longer in love with me.

 

Please help..I am so desperate to get out of this misery..

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted
My partner for nearly 6 years wanted to break up with me 2 months ago because she said she didn't know what she wanted. She became distant and cold and her reason was she has personal issues and baggage from her previous marriage. I didn't agree to the breakup. Three weeks ago I found out that she was dating my boss. I was devastated because all along my intuition was right but she keeps on insisting that the new guy was not the only reason she wanted a break up.

 

Now, they are officially together but we still live together in a house that we bought a year ago. It's very hard because we cannot sell the house straight away. I can't bear to see the two of them at work going out, having lunch and coffee together. I know that if she's not at home they are together which is killing me.

 

She wants us to stay friends just like before but I told her I can't give that to her. How can I be friends with her when I still want her so much? I love her to death eventhough she cheated and betrayed me. I just want to forget my feelings for her but I can't seem to instill that in my brain. She's on my mind all the time and all the things that happened keep on replaying in my mind. I don't want to be like this. I can't focus at work because I see them all the time.

 

I don't know what to do. She asked me, if she's not with someone else, would it make a difference, would I let her go and be friends with her. I told her I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know what game she is playing. I want her back so badly but I know she's no longer in love with me.

 

Please help..I am so desperate to get out of this misery..

 

You can NEVER be 'just friends' with an ex providing you still for even the slightest bit of love for them.

 

quite frankly, her asking you to be 'just friends' is selfish, because if she was smart and cared about you in the slightest she would realise you need to be away from her to heal.

 

ignore her. don't reach out to her. if she contacts you at all simply respond by text with

 

"Hey, sorry but the just friends thing won't work with me, and I respect your decision to break up with me, so please respect my decision and leave me alone to heal. I ask that you dont contact me unless it is to say you want to reconcile".

 

then you IGNORE ANY AND ALL CONTACT FROM HER unless it expressly says she wants you back. Anything else, and I mean ANYTHING ELSE WHATSOEVER is just a breadcrumb.

  • Like 2
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted (edited)

Wow, she's with your boss?!?! AND your still in the same house AND EXPECTS YOU TO BE FRIENDS!!!!! What a deluded BITCH!! Dude you need to move out. Only a matter of time before she starts inviting him over. All you need to do is piss her off once and she'll be sneaking him in sometime during the night.

 

 

What has your boss said to you about this? And how the hell aren't you in jail for kicking his ass?

 

 

Dude, you need to quit that job for your own sanity. You stated that it's driving you insane seeing them leave together, going to lunch together. So, why do you subjugate yourself to that! There are other jobs out there! You might have to look and it might take awhile. But, if I were you, I would just quit. If the asshat asks why? Just tell the SOB to get the hell away from you if he knows what's good for him.

 

 

Ignore your Ex. Block her from all social media and leave.

Edited by Chi townD
  • Like 2
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

OP, I'm so sorry to hear you stuck in such a horrible situation.

 

If you can't escape her from your own home because you both own the home together, the next best thing to do is start looking for another job.

 

You're getting bashed from both corners. You need some relief from her and you can't get it from having to see her at work and then having to see her in the home.

 

And do not entertain anymore contact. There is no possible way "friends" should ever be discussed or entertained.

KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted

I agree 100% with Chi. She's completely deluded and very selfish and cruel. Ugh, what a c u next tuesday!

  • Like 1
Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
My partner for nearly 6 years wanted to break up with me 2 months ago because she said she didn't know what she wanted. She became distant and cold and her reason was she has personal issues and baggage from her previous marriage. I didn't agree to the breakup. Three weeks ago I found out that she was dating my boss. I was devastated because all along my intuition was right but she keeps on insisting that the new guy was not the only reason she wanted a break up.

 

Now, they are officially together but we still live together in a house that we bought a year ago. It's very hard because we cannot sell the house straight away. I can't bear to see the two of them at work going out, having lunch and coffee together. I know that if she's not at home they are together which is killing me.

 

She wants us to stay friends just like before but I told her I can't give that to her. How can I be friends with her when I still want her so much? I love her to death eventhough she cheated and betrayed me. I just want to forget my feelings for her but I can't seem to instill that in my brain. She's on my mind all the time and all the things that happened keep on replaying in my mind. I don't want to be like this. I can't focus at work because I see them all the time.

 

I don't know what to do. She asked me, if she's not with someone else, would it make a difference, would I let her go and be friends with her. I told her I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know what game she is playing. I want her back so badly but I know she's no longer in love with me.

 

Please help..I am so desperate to get out of this misery..

 

Yikes, this is a mess. My #1 focus right now would be how to get me or her out of the house and into my own place. Don't think about "we" have to sell the house, think about YOUR health.

 

Make it happen if finances allow. Then, no contact, no friends.

  • Like 1
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Yeah dude, it's nuts. You have to see it at work AND at home? Never getting a break from it? Even when she's at home with you and you see her texting or talking on the phone, you pretty much know who's on the other end.

 

 

I don't know how you're doing it.

 

 

Dude, just move out. I wouldn't even tell her. As soon as she leaves on a date, just get a truck, pack your sh*t and go. Chances are it will take her a little bit to even realize that you're gone.

 

 

Dude, I'm so spun up about this.......

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
Yeah dude, it's nuts. You have to see it at work AND at home? Never getting a break from it? Even when she's at home with you and you see her texting or talking on the phone, you pretty much know who's on the other end.

 

 

I don't know how you're doing it.

 

 

Dude, just move out. I wouldn't even tell her. As soon as she leaves on a date, just get a truck, pack your sh*t and go. Chances are it will take her a little bit to even realize that you're gone.

 

 

Dude, I'm so spun up about this.......

 

Agreed soooo much. And OP, don't turn this into a "I can't move out because of the house" thing. You can, be resourceful. You will probably be using this "excuse" so you can keep her around, maybe win her back. DON'T!

 

I lived with my partying drug crazy sex crazy brother for 2 months when I moved out of the house (when I initially seperated from my ex-wife) to save $$$. I hated it, but I did it because I needed to.

  • Like 3
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted

OP, maybe you can get someone to rent/move-in and pay your portion or at least most of what your part of the mortgage would be. You then find another place to live.

 

Have you exhausted all efforts to sell the place or have her buy you out? At the end of the day, it's just a house. Your mental and emotional health isn't worth it.

  • Like 2
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brokensoul31 New Member

brokensoul31

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Yeah dude, it's nuts. You have to see it at work AND at home? Never getting a break from it? Even when she's at home with you and you see her texting or talking on the phone, you pretty much know who's on the other end.

 

 

I don't know how you're doing it.

 

 

Dude, just move out. I wouldn't even tell her. As soon as she leaves on a date, just get a truck, pack your sh*t and go. Chances are it will take her a little bit to even realize that you're gone.

 

 

Dude, I'm so spun up about this.......

 

I know it's crazy and it's really affecting me big time. We still go to work together for practicality and she always silently cries in the car (I dont know why maybe she's feeling the guilt). Now, she's making me feel that it's my fault that I am not talking to her and not wanting to have lunch with her or even be with her. Why can't she f***ing understand that I'm hurting..

somecamel Established Member

somecamel

Posted
Posted
I know it's crazy and it's really affecting me big time. We still go to work together for practicality and she always silently cries in the car (I dont know why maybe she's feeling the guilt). Now, she's making me feel that it's my fault that I am not talking to her and not wanting to have lunch with her or even be with her. Why can't she f***ing understand that I'm hurting..

 

WoW!!

 

Well firstly you've come to right place for advice, now you need to get your head into a place where you take the advice being given to you and stop with the excuses.

 

You were with this woman for 6 years in a relationship, how many more years are you going to waste still living with her not in a relationship?

 

All of us here have been in the low place you are at the moment and it's really hard to see the way out, believe that you are the only person that can do this now, you need to start looking after yourself, you are no longer a couple so need to stop living together and stop taking her to work!

 

What are 'you' going to do to resolve this situation?

  • Like 2
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Somecamel is right! I mean come on dude! Why haven't you left yet? How long are you going to endure her rubbing the fact that she's screwing your boss in your face?

 

 

You need to get out for your own good! Will it be tough? Yep! Is it gonna hurt? Yep, but not as much as witnessing the amount of disrespect and pain she's showing you day in and day out.

  • Like 1
smileforelena Established Member

smileforelena

Posted
Posted

R U serious? Really?

 

You need to make a conscious decision to get out of that situation at least physically for now. I work with my ex and and it will be almost a year but there are still days when its a challenge even when I barely have to speak to him. So for your own sanity. Put some distance between you, her and the situation.

AtTheStart Member

AtTheStart

Posted
Posted

You need to tell her "that just being friends doesn't work for YOU" In an assertive, confident tone you say this...

 

"Baby you know I love you and adore you but if you don't want to work on things then Im out. Im not going to be your friend when I want to hold you, touch you, taste you, and kiss you. So Ill move on. Let me know if you ever change your mind!" Confident but like you're already fine as you've got something enticing lined up but do it with hungry eyes...you've already pussed (sorry!!! but true) about this relationship long enough and need to man up and not apologize for your love.

 

Then you walk away and F'N MEAN IT!!!!!! Don't ever look back. You've created passionate doubt in her mind so when this idiot boss screws up, (and guys always do), she's thinking, "oh ****, I've totally f'd up some sensual and exciting situation I could've had over there."

 

At that point you see where you're at if she ever contacts....hopefully dating a girl who has integrity and values you. Bottom line is this girl has no sense of loyalty so should never be considered girlfriend material again. Sure she could be a good f*ck buddy or friend with benefits but is not the type of girl you ever want to be sharing your emotions with again. She disqualified herself from that when she left.

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brokensoul31 New Member

brokensoul31

Posted
  • Author
Posted
WoW!!

 

Well firstly you've come to right place for advice, now you need to get your head into a place where you take the advice being given to you and stop with the excuses.

 

You were with this woman for 6 years in a relationship, how many more years are you going to waste still living with her not in a relationship?

 

All of us here have been in the low place you are at the moment and it's really hard to see the way out, believe that you are the only person that can do this now, you need to start looking after yourself, you are no longer a couple so need to stop living together and stop taking her to work!

 

What are 'you' going to do to resolve this situation?

 

 

I told her last night i could't live with her anymore.that i cant stand the pain any longer.she asked me to give her until june so we can settle the finances.she said that i am not the only one hurting-that she too cries often out of the blue.she said she'll break up with my boss to make me feel better.that she still want to be near me and misses me so much, that there isnt a day gone by that she wishes we were back to what we used to be but she knows that it will never happen.i dont want to fall for her words anymore.we wouldnt be in this position anyway if she didnt screw up my boss.i should really be done with her..

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Dude, don't buy that crap. She's not going to break up with your boss. She going to hide their relationship better to try and spare your feelings. Do you know why she won't break up with him? Because you're leaving regardless, so why have you leave and her give up something she already has? Why would she leave herself with absolutely nothing? She wouldn't. So, she not going to break up with him but she will tell him that they need to cool it for a little bit. But, she'll still need to run to the grocery store for 4 hours to get a gallon of milk once or twice a week.

 

 

Yeah, sure she's in "pain", my ass! Not a day goes by that she doesn't wish you two weren't back together. Yeah, I wonder if she thinking of that when she's skipping out the door to go screw him.

 

 

Dude, start looking for an apartment now and move out! Don't bow down to her demands of waiting for June! Get a place and then, one day, start packing. If she get mad and says, "I though you were giving me till June?!!" Just respond, "Yeah, well I thought you were going to love me forever. I guess we don't always get what we want." And then leave!

 

 

Get out! AND I hope you're actively looking for another job! Please tell me you are!

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