Chezecaek Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 (edited) *thread title is meant to say I could use some advice, whoops. So a while ago I was in a class with this woman, and at the same time we were (and still are) attending the university's weekly anime club together, and I became interested in her. But I let myself be a slave to my anxiety and didn't do anything about it. Cut to a little while later and after years of letting anxiety control many aspects of my life I hit a breaking point and decided I didn't want to let myself be lonely and miserable any more. Fortunately, I may still be able to seize the opportunity that I missed out on before. Anyway, I only see her once a week and she's always with this guy. I'm 99% sure they're just good friends and not actually together, but you could say he's an obstacle in a different way (although he could also be a potential ally for me). See, I may not be letting social anxiety control me anymore, but it's still there. I'm a really, really awkward person. So there's the problem: she and this guy have a great chemistry going on, and I can't match their pace. That means that to them I'm just this quiet, awkward guy who keeps wanting to hang out with them for some reason. And if I continue to give off that impression for too long, then I'm probably screwed. I only really talked to her for the first time last week, and needless to say I doubt I made a great first impression. It's just really hard to try to fit myself into any conversation between two people who already know each other so well. I asked her if she ever hangs out with anyone outside the club and she said she's too busy most of the time (also not a good sign for me, I'll admit.). So I'm not gonna find substantial time with her alone, beyond a few minutes at a time, which I can take advantage of for confessing but otherwise doesn't do me a lot of good. That leaves me, the way I see it, with the following conundrum. From her perspective (I'm not positive she actually remembers me from that class), we just met each other last week. Which I think means it's way too early to confess my interest. However, as I said before, I doubt I can shirk the impression of being the quiet guy who just kind of keeps showing up, and that can't be a good place to stay for long. To sum it up as simply as possible, I don't wanna do it too soon and I don't wanna wait too long. But what do you think I should do? Think there's a sweet spot in there somewhere between not too soon and not too late, or should I just go ahead and do it at the soonest opportunity? Too soon would have to be better than too late, I think. I mean, I've already waited a long time, and it's great that I may still have the chance. Who knows what might come up if I don't take it? Edited April 8, 2014 by Chezecaek making note of mistake in thread title
tekkenfan2 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 (edited) Okay check this out, I was like you when I was younger so I think I know how you feel. I think you should wait and let her get to know you. If you tell her you like her before even getting to know her it will automatically go badly since she won't really know you, let alone like you yet. You have to conquer your awkwardness. First of all one of the reasons I was awkward was I doubted myself or wondered if things I did or said sounded or looked awkward. When you do or say something fully believe it and put 100% into things you do or say. "If you say or do something then its was correct", this is a form of thinking you have to adopt. If you do make mistakes and do or say the wrong thing your can play if off as a joke or apologize if need be. But remember there is no reason to doubt yourself, pretend you are confident, this will allow you to see how people respond to a confident you (this doesn't mean act like a jerk, but be sure of yourself and present yourself like you are the ****.) This will help you get real confidence trust me. Another important thing for you to do is work on your conversation skills. I'm sure there are guides/videos that may give you some tips on this. Just make sure overall in your life you start talking more, in class, with your parents, with friends etc. When something is said analyze it and relate it to your own similar experiences/things you have heard that are in someway relevant to what is being said. If you aren't experienced with what is being said then say that you haven't heard of that before, with a short explanation if you have one. If you can become a good conversationalist you can get to know this girl better and assert yourself as a potential boyfriend if you play your cards right. Get to know the other guy and get him to be your friend, if he isn't involved with the girl this will also help. This was a lot but I think it will help Good luck man, I'll be checking back here for updates haha Edited April 8, 2014 by tekkenfan2 Added more advice
Author Chezecaek Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Haven't done such a good job of making friends with the guy. That part should be easy--I'm likable and all--but I've been...stupid about it. I'm not so good at this "people" thing. I don't get them, I don't fit in with them...but anyway. Situation's not unsalvageable yet.
Guitarisgood Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 NEVER CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS TO A GIRL. It is the fastest way to getting rejected - take it from past experience. First up you have to get to know her better. Secondly, you have to stop focussing on her! She could be the one or she could be the any millions of woman out there - the latter most likely hence why you need to work on yourself and getting yourself in the good. 1) At this stage you should be trying to make friends, make connections with as many people at university 2) Make friends with a group of guy friends. Even better if you know a guy who is good with woman as many would happily give you tips and help you out. 3) Start looking after yourself and build that confidence!
Author Chezecaek Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 If I wanted to surround myself with strong friends in college I should have made better use of my time five years ago. It's been a long time since I've had any engagement with the university besides showing up to my classes (and going to the club I mentioned), and half the time I don't even do that. But now's a time for moving forward, not regrets. I still have my high school friends who are all in town, but nobody who's good with women. We're just a bunch of autistic nerds.
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