Shreddedbrah Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 So my ex girlfriend and I dated for 11 months. Within those 11 months we spent everyday together at the gym and even got accepted into the same universities. We took a break which eventually lead to a break up. I asked her to meet me so that I'd know it's over between us but instead of her coming out it was her dad that came to meet me. He was cool and all, gave me a few life advices and wished me luck with my future endeavors. A few hours after that I got a text from her telling me that she wished me luck and hopes that I improve myself so that one day we could meet again. I called her and she basically told me that I need time to figure things out and she needs time for herself as well. I told her that I'd rather break it off than have strings attached so that we know it's truly over. The conversation was quite peaceful but all of a sudden she exploded and brought out every flaw that she saw in me. Saying I'd regret this and I'll never be able to improve myself. I didn't bother replying and ended the conversation. I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice regarding my situation. I would like it if she remained a part of my life but I also know that I can live with or without her.
somegoodman Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 You're going to be in pain but in time you'll realize you're better off without her and soon after that you'll praise the lord that you dodged this bullet. The way she exploded at you on the phone gives away two things: 1) She's crazy and not relationship material 2) She still has some feelings for you, but that doesn't matter Don't contact her, just disappear from her life. Don't explain yourself, don't send a message like "I need to have no contact with you now", that's totally lame. You want to leave her questioning herself and why you're not chasing anymore. Give her absolutely nothing. You'll hear from her again. 3
Author Shreddedbrah Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Thanks man those were my thoughts exactly, I just needed to hear them from someone with much more experience. I thought that she was stringing me along so that she knows I'm still in the corner improving myself making it easy for her to move on in life. I already went no contact and changed my number. Blocked her from everything. I've got a date set with a girl less attractive than her though I thought it'd give my ego a boost but I'm afraid that I'll start comparing her to my ex.
chados Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I maybe you can explain what she told you and why you broke up. What happened before the breakup etc. her dad talking to you seems kinda weird but hey I don't know the story. Seems like a first girlfriend relationship. Girls wants the guys to know how they feel before they even say anything. They want you to improve yourself and fix your flaws without knowing you have them. When you learn about this you will see flaws in them too and you will point it out just as much as they will and that is actually a good relationship. Don't be afraid to disagree or tell them to stop being messy. Just don't be cruel. We all do mistakes. And it's good to hear about them sometimes so we can better ourselves. Attraction is built when you respect yourself just as much as you respect her.
Author Shreddedbrah Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I maybe you can explain what she told you and why you broke up. What happened before the breakup etc. her dad talking to you seems kinda weird but hey I don't know the story. Seems like a first girlfriend relationship. Girls wants the guys to know how they feel before they even say anything. They want you to improve yourself and fix your flaws without knowing you have them. When you learn about this you will see flaws in them too and you will point it out just as much as they will and that is actually a good relationship. Don't be afraid to disagree or tell them to stop being messy. Just don't be cruel. We all do mistakes. And it's good to hear about them sometimes so we can better ourselves. Attraction is built when you respect yourself just as much as you respect her. Well basically before our break up we were suppose to go on a cruise but she told me she lost feelings for me a two days before. As a result, her mom went with her instead and I had to pay the cancellation fee which was no big deal. During the trip she asked me to come while she was in Orlando so we could go to Disneyworld after the cruise. I told her no and stood my ground. During the trip she kept telling me she missed and when she came back she told me she wanted a break just because she doesn't feel like her feelings are there anymore. I told her I just wanted to break up but I kept going back and forth with my decision because I was insecure. So we went on a two week break and still showed a lot of signs of insecurity and trust issues. She told me she gets angry everytime she hears from me and just doesn't want anything to do with me at all. So I told her okay let's just leave it at that. Then I wanted to fight for her and what not and that's how I ended up meeting up with her dad than meeting up with her.
chados Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 It's still hard to know what you were insecure about. Did you accuse her of cheating for example?. I feel like you brought this on yourself a little. She might be far from perfect and not putting any blame on you. It's never your fault that someone breaks up. You're not there because they need you but because they want you. And if they know they want you then you wouldn't have this problem. This is how I see it. I was once insecure and maybe I still Am from time to time. But I know that I need to be cool about it. If they want to cheat they will whatever you say or do isn't gonna change that. Being scared that you're not worthy of her is not your job to decide. You don't have to change for anyone. You can better yourself as a person if you feel that you're to jealous or to insecure. I'm not scared about anything anymore because I know I can't control it. As long as I show I trust the person and that I'm not insecure shows her that I see value in myself. If that won't prevent her from Breaking up or cheating on me nothing will.
Priv Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 -Not sure what she told her parents but her dead showing up teaching you life lessons is plain weird. -She has the nerve to break off the cruise with you AND let you pay for the cancellation?!?. -Don't you realise how incredibly condescending it is to let her tell you you need to improve to be with her because her feelings changed but she would like to be with the improved you. As she dumped you there is a 99% chance you actually put more in the relationship and cared more than she ever did. But I don't see a lot of mixed signals tbh. Probably for the best seeing the above, though you won't feel like that for awhile. GL to you man
Author Shreddedbrah Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 It's still hard to know what you were insecure about. Did you accuse her of cheating for example?. I feel like you brought this on yourself a little. She might be far from perfect and not putting any blame on you. It's never your fault that someone breaks up. You're not there because they need you but because they want you. And if they know they want you then you wouldn't have this problem. This is how I see it. I was once insecure and maybe I still Am from time to time. But I know that I need to be cool about it. If they want to cheat they will whatever you say or do isn't gonna change that. Being scared that you're not worthy of her is not your job to decide. You don't have to change for anyone. You can better yourself as a person if you feel that you're to jealous or to insecure. I'm not scared about anything anymore because I know I can't control it. As long as I show I trust the person and that I'm not insecure shows her that I see value in myself. If that won't prevent her from Breaking up or cheating on me nothing will. Thats exaxtly what I was insecure about. That there was another man in the picture since she lost feelings for me and I thought her asking for a break was a way for her to put me on the side while she tries things out with this guy but that was not the case. I got these fears because of my first relationship, my first ex cheated on me multiple times. Since then I've had issues trusting girlfriends. I do want her back though, do you think theres a way for me to fix things? As of right now I'm doing no contact and just working on myself. When I asked her to meet me a day after we broke up she ridiculed the idea and told me that she could do better than me and that I should ruin someone else's life with my insecurities. She also told me that I was in no position to negotiate with her since she was the one that lost feelings. Should I let things cool off for a month and see if I still feel the same way about her after?
Author Shreddedbrah Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 -Not sure what she told her parents but her dead showing up teaching you life lessons is plain weird. -She has the nerve to break off the cruise with you AND let you pay for the cancellation?!?. -Don't you realise how incredibly condescending it is to let her tell you you need to improve to be with her because her feelings changed but she would like to be with the improved you. As she dumped you there is a 99% chance you actually put more in the relationship and cared more than she ever did. But I don't see a lot of mixed signals tbh. Probably for the best seeing the above, though you won't feel like that for awhile. GL to you man Well she just kept telling me that she was willing to give it another shot if I improve my insecurities and trust issues which was very peculiar. It was almost as if that she was willing to wait for me to improve myself but I wasn't willing to give myself that false hope. When I told her that she lashed out at me and said all these things to basically screw with my head. She said that this was another chance for me to improve but was dumb enough to decline it. I played it cool though and acted as if I didn't want it to show her that she has no power over me. What I dont get is why she would lash out after I told her its best that we just cut all ties and not give each other false hopes. She even threatened to block my number and everything (not sure if she has, I havent contacted her since). The way I'm trying to fix things is by going no contact and improve myself. Go on a few dates to see if I'd still be attracted to her and go from there.
flightplan Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I'm a dad of a teenage girl. From my perspective, any dad that has to front run for his daughter and not let her handle her own life situations, is not teaching a very good lesson. Not only that, this probably isn't the first time, so this girl probably hasn't developed skills necessary to deal with difficult relationships. Daddy does her dirty work. She's clueless and it's only going to hurt you in the long run. Your the one thats going to be left holding the bag dealing with her inability to deal with life. As a guy, it's a HUGE red flag if my significant other has her dad show up to assist with a breakup. The only time I can think that it would be necessary is if there is abusive behavior and boundaries are laid down. But this doesn't sound like that. 1
M30USA Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Her push-and-pull behavior will send you to a loony asylum before too long.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I agree that I'm not seeing much in the way of mixed signals here.
M30USA Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 (edited) I'm a dad of a teenage girl. From my perspective, any dad that has to front run for his daughter and not let her handle her own life situations, is not teaching a very good lesson. Not only that, this probably isn't the first time, so this girl probably hasn't developed skills necessary to deal with difficult relationships. Daddy does her dirty work. She's clueless and it's only going to hurt you in the long run. Your the one thats going to be left holding the bag dealing with her inability to deal with life. As a guy, it's a HUGE red flag if my significant other has her dad show up to assist with a breakup. The only time I can think that it would be necessary is if there is abusive behavior and boundaries are laid down. But this doesn't sound like that. +100000000000000000000 You have no idea how right you are. Well, obviously you do. What you are doing will save your future son in law a life of misery. You're a good father. Edited April 8, 2014 by M30USA
Author Shreddedbrah Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 So as far as my chances for reconciliation goes, how can I maximize it? Would no contact anf living my life be the best way?
chados Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Thats exaxtly what I was insecure about. That there was another man in the picture since she lost feelings for me and I thought her asking for a break was a way for her to put me on the side while she tries things out with this guy but that was not the case. I do want her back though, do you think theres a way for me to fix things? I could figure. Normally a person who accuses someone of cheating has been cheating himself. Not saying you did but you're putting yourself down by doing that. I don't know if you can fix this. It's hard to say of she was honest the whole time. Normally when you break up you say things that sounds good to the other person cause you don't want to hurt them. That's why some many people think they still have a chance. I don't think the attraction must be hard to build up again. But can you keep it? Also how are you doing it? Are you gonna call her up later on and ask her out? Or are you gonna let her contact you? I would choose the second option. Like I said earlier. You cannot make someone not cheat on you by not trusting them. It's gonna have an opposite effect. You need to understand that the more you show you aren't worried, the more you're gonna come out as a guy that feels secure with himself
Simon Phoenix Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 So as far as my chances for reconciliation goes, how can I maximize it? Would no contact anf living my life be the best way? Do nothing. Say nothing. Just disappear. There's nothing you can do to "make" her come back to you and even if there was, relationships built on manipulation and tricks don't stand up. It's up to her, and all you can do by contact is screw it up. So it's time for you to be a ghost.
Author Shreddedbrah Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Thats exaxtly what I was insecure about. That there was another man in the picture since she lost feelings for me and I thought her asking for a break was a way for her to put me on the side while she tries things out with this guy but that was not the case. I do want her back though, do you think theres a way for me to fix things? I could figure. Normally a person who accuses someone of cheating has been cheating himself. Not saying you did but you're putting yourself down by doing that. I don't know if you can fix this. It's hard to say of she was honest the whole time. Normally when you break up you say things that sounds good to the other person cause you don't want to hurt them. That's why some many people think they still have a chance. I don't think the attraction must be hard to build up again. But can you keep it? Also how are you doing it? Are you gonna call her up later on and ask her out? Or are you gonna let her contact you? I would choose the second option. Like I said earlier. You cannot make someone not cheat on you by not trusting them. It's gonna have an opposite effect. You need to understand that the more you show you aren't worried, the more you're gonna come out as a guy that feels secure with himself So for the mean time I should live my life and try my best to move on? How do I know if she'll contact me? She did day that she was going to block my number and I suggested that we both move on I'm afraid she might call my bluff.
Author Shreddedbrah Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Do nothing. Say nothing. Just disappear. There's nothing you can do to "make" her come back to you and even if there was, relationships built on manipulation and tricks don't stand up. It's up to her, and all you can do by contact is screw it up. So it's time for you to be a ghost. Well she did say she was willing to give it another shot in the future perhaps when the heat dies down. Thats what I'm confused about, is it a manipulation trick or the truth?
Simon Phoenix Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Well she did say she was willing to give it another shot in the future perhaps when the heat dies down. Thats what I'm confused about, is it a manipulation trick or the truth? It's her giving herself a safety net. If she truly valued the relationship as it stood, she wouldn't willingly let you go. A lot of dumpers say what she said, but it doesn't mean a thing. Until she proves otherwise beyond a reasonable doubt, all you need to know is that she's done with you. You are hanging on to straws. That's not remotely attractive behavior.
chados Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 So for the mean time I should live my life and try my best to move on? How do I know if she'll contact me? She did day that she was going to block my number and I suggested that we both move on I'm afraid she might call my bluff. Yes exactly. Like Phoenix said. Until she proves otherwise. Most times it's better not to go back. I know you don't wanna hear it but there are other out there. Why would she call your bluff? And why bluff? You do this for yourself only. Time to be selfish. She was only thinking about her self breaking up with you, so why think about her after she did? Look we are humans. If she wants to get in touch with you a blocked phone won't stop her. I'm guessing you've been chasing her pretty bad since she was gonna block?. You don't have to block her number cause I don't see why she would just text you after wanting to block. If she does and you have to answer then she's just a familiar face. Nothing more. Don't talk like you're together or ever was. It's her job getting you back if she wants.
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