Lifegoezon Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Added to all the reasons people have given: They don't want your mutual friends to think they're uncaring about how hurt you are. They're worried you may have said something to make your mutual friends think badly of them. They know they've hurt you and want to hear that you're ok but can't ask you as it would give you false hope. NOT the one you want to hear: He wants you back. If that were true you would know about it for sure.
Sugarkane Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I'm a bit surprised mutual friends care this much.
Author greenfairie Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 I'm a bit surprised mutual friends care this much. Well, some of my mutual friends are SUPER close with both my ex and I so it's hard not to be involved sometimes.
Author greenfairie Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 Enough time has passed for me to heal... I have not seen or talked to him in a year... Only thing I got from him was a birthday text.. After that, his number was blocked.. STILL is.. I still HEAR about him from my mutual friends. It's hard not to feel anything but I do feel a mix of weird feelings. I almost wish I had no emotions or didn't care but I do. He called my best friend on FaceTime while I was on vacation and was venting out about how he felt bad/disgusted about everything that has happened. Long story short, but he dated my best friend after we broke up. I don't blame him but they kept it a secret from me and this all happened a MONTH after we went "on a break".... I was the last person to find out about them which was super embarrassing... Really? The post-breakup drama caused a few friendships to go sour, because he wasn't totally honest with me so that caused me to stay away from a lot of mutual friends. Now they're not so mutual since I have a new life and moved on.. but the fact he called my best friend ( they don't even talk ) and told her all this.... I don't understand why he had to call my best girl friend whom I talk and hang out with frequently. Why can't he just keep his mouth shut and vent out to his guy friends?! I feel like it's like an emotional setback for me in a way.... I hope this post makes sense! Please ask me questions to fill in the blanks if you are confused with what the story is all about....
yorkie Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 wow that is tough be honest do you still have hope he returns? only reason i ask is cos if you do then you might need to act on that by getting counselling. i am 8 months down the line and its still tough for me so god knows how you must be feeling and i hope you are ok. are you dating or seeing someone else? 1
smileforelena Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 you mentioned that you have a new life and you have 1 year under your belt ..thats an accomplishment. it proves that you can live without him in your life. maybe you can take it to the next level and try not to be in the know of his business. he contacted your best friend and vented you could not have anticipated that. we cannot control other people's actions but we can control our reaction. i understand how this can set you back but dont let it take away what you achieved in the 1 year. 1
KaliLove Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 So just tell your friends that you don't want to know. He probably just feels guilty and wants to absolve himself of that guilt. Doesn't mean anything important. Ignore it.
Author greenfairie Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 wow that is tough be honest do you still have hope he returns? only reason i ask is cos if you do then you might need to act on that by getting counselling. i am 8 months down the line and its still tough for me so god knows how you must be feeling and i hope you are ok. are you dating or seeing someone else? I don't have any hope that he returns honestly. At times, I do miss him but do I want to go back there? No. 1
Author greenfairie Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 you mentioned that you have a new life and you have 1 year under your belt ..thats an accomplishment. it proves that you can live without him in your life. maybe you can take it to the next level and try not to be in the know of his business. he contacted your best friend and vented you could not have anticipated that. we cannot control other people's actions but we can control our reaction. i understand how this can set you back but dont let it take away what you achieved in the 1 year. Yeah.. you're right I can definitely live without him... I proved that to myself in the last year for sure. I know I can't control his actions.. I'm not trying to control his actions, nor do I want to. My point is.... I'm just trying to understand his mind, why he felt the need to call MY best friend. Have any of you guys done this before?!?
Author greenfairie Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 I'd definitely like to understand the ex's mind a bit better so if someone could explain... that'd be great
learning_slowly Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 They're only human like you and me. It might not make sense to you, but maybe if you looked at it from his perspective you could. But in my experience, there is little point. Try to think about them as little as possible would be my advice. If you start thinking about them, do something or think about something else immediately. Do you have an interest? Look on Udemy.com. Maybe there's a course in it. Get a 75% off voucher that they usually do. Then when you think about your ex, do your course. It will either make you do the course or not want to think about your ex, depending on whether you appreciate what you are learning. Good luck. I know it can twist you up. Just try to find techniques to reduce it.
smileforelena Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 in my previous relationship i was the dumper. i knew i needed to leave because we were both unhappy and it felt like we were hindering each other from living the life each of us wanted. he said he wanted to end it but i was the one who actually left. after 2 years, i felt that we needed to settle all the leftover anger and whatever other emotions and see if we could at least be civil with each other. thats what was in my head. i was over the relationship and i thought that he was too. i felt guilty for hurting him and it spillled over the other areas of his life. so i knew i needed to apologize make him understand that i hurt too when it happened. i wanted to assure him that he had alot of good in him and there are alot of good memories too. i needed him to know that what we had wasnt all bad. being the dumpee now i actually understand my previous ex's reaction. he wasnt ready for that from me. i hope that gave u an idea greenfairie.
Author greenfairie Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 in my previous relationship i was the dumper. i knew i needed to leave because we were both unhappy and it felt like we were hindering each other from living the life each of us wanted. he said he wanted to end it but i was the one who actually left. after 2 years, i felt that we needed to settle all the leftover anger and whatever other emotions and see if we could at least be civil with each other. thats what was in my head. i was over the relationship and i thought that he was too. i felt guilty for hurting him and it spillled over the other areas of his life. so i knew i needed to apologize make him understand that i hurt too when it happened. i wanted to assure him that he had alot of good in him and there are alot of good memories too. i needed him to know that what we had wasnt all bad. being the dumpee now i actually understand my previous ex's reaction. he wasnt ready for that from me. i hope that gave u an idea greenfairie. omg. this sounds exactly like how it went down for me.... we had a few talks about breaking up during the relationship but i think when I actually left and showed all the signs of i wanted this to be over he wasn't able to process that all.... I still remember to this day, he asked me several months later at a friends house.. "Are we still together or what?" All i said was "yes. we're over." without a real long explanation or talk... i mean we were with other mutual friends... Wrong place.. wrong time to ask me that... Looking back on it all, I can see why he reacted the way he did... I do to this day feel badly about it all and wish we could meet one day to assure each other, what we had was good.... but it does not mean I have ANY hope of getting back together.... He was important to me at one point in my lifetime.... a huge part of my life and what we had was great... not all that bad... The breakup JUST had to happen....
Chi townD Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 If you ended on bad terms with an ex, especially one that was your first to experience love with… why does that ex still decide to ask mutual friends about how I'm doing if he could just reach out and ask me directly himself? Because if you stick to a strict NC, you won't answer. So, he has to ask someone else. Now, if he's asking other people; hopefully, they're able to tell them that you're doing fantastic with all of the positive changes you're making in your life.
Author greenfairie Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Because if you stick to a strict NC, you won't answer. So, he has to ask someone else. Now, if he's asking other people; hopefully, they're able to tell them that you're doing fantastic with all of the positive changes you're making in your life. Hope so. I just wonder about his motives.
elseaacych Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Hope so. I just wonder about his motives. The motives aren't worth wondering about unless he spells them out to you. "I am so sorry. I want to get back together. That was the stupidest thing I ever did." Or years later: "I want to be friends, or more than friends." (Don't expect an apology.) Anything else should be treated as frequency blips in a never ending sea of radio static. 2
Elle1975 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 If you ended on bad terms with an ex, especially one that was your first to experience love with… why does that ex still decide to ask mutual friends about how I'm doing if he could just reach out and ask me directly himself? Curiosity. Some people hate to be ignored. 1
Author greenfairie Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 I'm about to see him again for sure next week at a friend's gathering and I'm afraid of what he's gonna say or do or what will he think when he sees me? I havent been worried or anything until time got closer.... Ugh. Why do I still care?
yorkie Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 greenfairie can i be honest with you. he hurt you and your are still wondering like i do what my ex thinks and trying to see it from there perspective! we arent over them because we should not be bothered about that and yes i to say i dont want her back as in my ex as she cheated on me. but we have to stop that. tbh if someone did you wrong in the past as someone who **** stirred about you and an enemy who hurt you you wouldnt talk to them i believe an ex falls into that category. we need to get to a point where we aint bothered about them as a person ie what they are up to and what they are thinking cos underneath your hurt and anger and also thought we still love our exes! if you know you are seeing him soon then you need a close mate with you who knows how you feel. moral support etc someone who can help you take your mind off things. i feel for you! i do and wish you the best of luck! keep your chin up! and focus on yourself and not them! thats what im still trying to do lol easier said than done!
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