greenfairie Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 If you ended on bad terms with an ex, especially one that was your first to experience love with… why does that ex still decide to ask mutual friends about how I'm doing if he could just reach out and ask me directly himself?
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 If you ended on bad terms with an ex, especially one that was your first to experience love with… why does that ex still decide to ask mutual friends about how I'm doing if he could just reach out and ask me directly himself? Because in life, they are nosey.....but not enough to talk to you. It's just for them to see if they are ahead of you in terms of healing and being better positioned in life. 4
iDrumKing Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 CHB, your profile picture hits me right in the childhood.
Author greenfairie Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Because in life, they are nosey.....but not enough to talk to you. It's just for them to see if they are ahead of you in terms of healing and being better positioned in life. Good point…. That's weird though. It almost feels like he wants me to fail life or he wants me to be doing horribly in life. I never ask any of our mutual friends about him just because I simply don't feel the need to. I'm just trying to understand why we do things like that differently with our mutual friends. This doesn't mean he still loves me or anything right? I need a new perspective…from someone that's not ME because I think I am driving myself crazy over thinking about this BS.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Good point…. That's weird though. It almost feels like he wants me to fail life or he wants me to be doing horribly in life. I never ask any of our mutual friends about him just because I simply don't feel the need to. I'm just trying to understand why we do things like that differently with our mutual friends. This doesn't mean he still loves me or anything right? I need a new perspective…from someone that's not ME because I think I am driving myself crazy over thinking about this BS. Its really stupid. I had my ex call me all kinds of names and whatever after the BU I didnt talk to her for almost a year. I created a VERY private blog that you had to REALLY dig deep to find since my name wasnt on it....she found that and AND googled me just to write me an e-mail saying how much better she was doing than me lol. It really means nothing honestly. If she wants you back in ANY way (which she probably doesnt), then I will promise you that she would let you know. 1
bluegreen Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Pure self centered I can't believe they are not slitting their wrists cause I dumped them narcissism. There is no trace of care compassion or respect toward the person they dumped don't believe me Break NC and see it for yourself ... 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Good point…. That's weird though. It almost feels like he wants me to fail life or he wants me to be doing horribly in life. I never ask any of our mutual friends about him just because I simply don't feel the need to. I'm just trying to understand why we do things like that differently with our mutual friends. This doesn't mean he still loves me or anything right? I need a new perspective…from someone that's not ME because I think I am driving myself crazy over thinking about this BS. He wants to make sure he made the right decision. If you are hurting and suffering, then it boosts his ego and makes him feel good about his decision. Conversely, if you are moved on and doing well, then that will bother him... He just wants to know, but doesn't want to contact you... 4
sooshi Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 If it were me doing that, it'd be because I care about the person and hope they're all right, but feel too scared/uncomfortable to reach out. But everyone's perspectives on here so far makes sense too.
BC1980 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 If you ended on bad terms with an ex, especially one that was your first to experience love with… why does that ex still decide to ask mutual friends about how I'm doing if he could just reach out and ask me directly himself? It's self serving. When I told my ex that I didn't want to speak to or see him again, he made the statement that he was upset because he would never find out what happened to me. That is such a selfish thing to say in my opinion, but it's simple human nature. They are curious. 1
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Pure self centered I can't believe they are not slitting their wrists cause I dumped them narcissism. There is no trace of care compassion or respect toward the person they dumped don't believe me Break NC and see it for yourself ... I've seen a lot of your posts, and no offense, but what is your primary language? Seriously, no offense, just wondering. Because in life, they are nosey.....but not enough to talk to you. It's just for them to see if they are ahead of you in terms of healing and being better positioned in life. But I don't think it's always selfish of them to ask how you're doing. I've asked people how my ex was doing, simply because I want to hear she's doing good. And she was. It was no competition. That is jaded...
KaliLove Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Because they want to know if you've moved on or if you're still pining over them. Not because they want you back. Hopefully you've moved on. 1
bluegreen Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I've seen a lot of your posts, and no offense, but what is your primary language? Seriously, no offense, just wondering. But I don't think it's always selfish of them to ask how you're doing. I've asked people how my ex was doing, simply because I want to hear she's doing good. And she was. It was no competition. That is jaded... Seriously no offense :rolleyes: I could really care less about opinion of "look at me without my shirt off " stranger. ( Its tacky and childish ) But seriously no offense really and if someone has something to say to me there is always private message option here or ignore option as well. Seriously no offense
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Seriously no offense :rolleyes: I could really care less about opinion of "look at me without my shirt off " stranger. ( Its tacky and childish ) But seriously no offense really and if someone has something to say to me there is always private message option here or ignore option as well. Seriously no offense Lmao yes it is quite tacky isn't it. I will change it here soon once I get a new pic. But I suggest you take a deep breath, I was being honest -- I am wondering what your primary language is. If you heard me ask it in person, you would know it wasn't meant offensively. I am being serious. And I don't want to put you on ignore, I am just wondering what your primary language is. Why is that so offensive? Plus, unfortunately, I cannot send PM's yet. Or I would.
bluegreen Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Well isn't that damn shame that you can't Well am glad we cleared that up and that you agree. As for what is my primary language and where am from sorry its not public information did you really expected it to be ? Oh and I know I miss ton't of dots and other annoying small grammar things But simply cause I either type to fast or find them 2 annoying. ( yeah we all are weird some way ) Fortunately there is nothing wrong with my reasoning or intellect so I can and plan on going back to actual reason for being here. Ta Ta ...
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Seriously no offense :rolleyes: I could really care less about opinion of "look at me without my shirt off " stranger. ( Its tacky and childish ) But seriously no offense really and if someone has something to say to me there is always private message option here or ignore option as well. Seriously no offense hahaha Jesus Christ. *Couldn't care less fwiw. Thomas: Perhaps you're correct with your question of asking how an ex is doing...for the most part, that is what it's like. I'm sure there are actual caring individuals.
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 hahaha Jesus Christ. *Couldn't care less fwiw. Thomas: Perhaps you're correct with your question of asking how an ex is doing...for the most part, that is what it's like. I'm sure there are actual caring individuals. I see where you're coming from... Sad world we live in. Well, I think it's more just America TBH. I don't blame the great nation, but rather the incredibly-lacking culture and society. Media has a lot to do with it, I think. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I see where you're coming from... Sad world we live in. Well, I think it's more just America TBH. I don't blame the great nation, but rather the incredibly-lacking culture and society. Media has a lot to do with it, I think. lol well as someone who thinks this country is heading to s***, I dont know if that is really the case. Its a basic human emotion to want to be successful and overall happy. When someone breaks up with someone, they are choosing to go in a different path. Many obviously care about their partner, but at the end of the day, still want to be ahead....you know how they always say there is always a winner and a loser in a BU? Same thing. The dumper wants to be farther ahead in healing, moving on, etc. Why do you think dumpers sometimes get dumpers remorse when they see their ex having such a great time without them? They think the y are doing better than them. In the OP's case, I think the ex was getting a general feel for what the ex was doing...but not wanting to get back together. Best way to do that? Ask the friends. Just my .02 1
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 What you say CHB makes sense, it just makes me sad. Reeks of narcissism which unfortunately is becoming all too prevalent these days... 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 What you say CHB makes sense, it just makes me sad. Reeks of narcissism which unfortunately is becoming all to prevalent these days... I can agree with that 100%.
Author greenfairie Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Its really stupid. I had my ex call me all kinds of names and whatever after the BU I didnt talk to her for almost a year. I created a VERY private blog that you had to REALLY dig deep to find since my name wasnt on it....she found that and AND googled me just to write me an e-mail saying how much better she was doing than me lol. It really means nothing honestly. If she wants you back in ANY way (which she probably doesnt), then I will promise you that she would let you know. Wow. Yeah, I thought it was strange when the first thing that he says to my friend after not seeing each other for months is, "Do you and Nicole (me) still talk?" First of all, she's one of my closest friends.. Has been for years so I found that odd he asked that… He stayed and partied with her and several other mutual friends. He also asked her how I was doing.. The same week, he asked another girl friend of mine how I was doing… Why two different people in the same week?
Sugarkane Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 If you ended on bad terms? They want to validate themselves that their decision was right. Makes me feel lucky I have zero mutual friends with exes. 1
Author greenfairie Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 If you ended on bad terms? They want to validate themselves that their decision was right. Makes me feel lucky I have zero mutual friends with exes. We ended on horrible terms. Never saw that coming. Lucky you. We have so many, it's tough at times..
bluegreen Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 He has nobody to ask to and I consider that blissful blessing.
Author greenfairie Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 He has nobody to ask to and I consider that blissful blessing. I wish my ex had nobody to ask. I still don't understand why an ex cares enough after ending on bad terms to ask about their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.
Survivor12 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 More importantly, why do your friends feel the need to tell you? Let them know that you don't need or want to hear it. 2
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