How long after meeting your partner/ex did you sleep together?

[JennHenn]

So I've been hearing a lot of different opinions lately on questions like how long you should wait to sleep with someone? How soon is 'too soon' to have sex? Can sex 'too soon' still lead to a relationship? etc.

 

So, I thought I'd ask this question - How long after being with your current partner/ex(s) did you have sex? It clearly still lead to a relationship, so would be interesting to know

[confidencestands]

It has been four months since I have been dating my SO and really I'm in no rush to have sex and neither is he. I like that about our relationship. No pressure and we get to enjoy each other on another intimate level. We are currently in the uncertainty phase of our relationship and had we had sex, it would feel more awkward then it does now. Also, we both made the decision that sex isn't an option until we both had the discussion that we want each other to fully commit too.

 

P.S. I must also say that we are in a long distance relationship.

[Phantom888]

I met my fiancee on Match. Corresponded for 2 weeks, and met last May. First date was fantastic and we were really sexually attracted to one another. But we decided to wait. 2nd date was even better, and we couldn't wait so we had the most amazing sex for 4 hours! We have been inseparable ever since!

 

We were both 38, divorced with small kids, so we didn't need to wait if we didn't want to. We knew what we were looking for. I fell in love with her the moment I met her, so for me it was a no-brainer. But still, I made sure we were exclusive before we went inside her bedroom. She made sure I was tested recently, which I was.

 

So basically, for me, it doesn't matter how long timing-wise. As long as we are exclusive, then we can have sex. I would not have sex with anyone I was not exclusive with.

[MissBee]

So I've been hearing a lot of different opinions lately on questions like how long you should wait to sleep with someone? How soon is 'too soon' to have sex? Can sex 'too soon' still lead to a relationship? etc.

 

So, I thought I'd ask this question - How long after being with your current partner/ex(s) did you have sex? It clearly still lead to a relationship, so would be interesting to know

 

There is no formula for it, but I do think generally that if you're serious about a relationship, chances are you'll wait and take things more slowly and having sex too soon can lead to decreased interest or the relationship not progressing to something more substantial and becoming more sexual. But not necessarily. It's just good to wait to make sure you know where you stand before you have sex.

 

With my current boyfriend we had sex sooner than I intended, it was on our third date. However, we had been talking and dating for 3 weeks, with some space in between. We talked for about 2 weeks before our first date, which lasted from noon to 5am! I then went out of town for a week and we kept talking and as soon as I came back from out of town we went out again on another long date that lasted from about 6pm to 6am the next day! Then a few days later we went out again and he spent the night and that's when we had sex. But we talked about it before and he had said of course he wants to have sex but isn't chasing it and he actually hadn't had sex since his last relationship which ended last summer and everything he showed me made it clear that he wasn't in it for that reason. After having sex, in the after glow lol, was when he actually asked for exclusivity. So it depends a lot on the context and several factors...we technically had sex on the third date but our previous dates were pretty long and the time between was spread out and we were talking a lot so it was a bit different than we met, went out 3 times in a week or something and had sex the same week. I also knew he wanted a gf and he had made it clear to me and told me frankly on our first date that he only dates women whom he feels there is at least the potential they could be his wife, so from the get go I felt secure in what he wanted and in his continued interest being because he saw me as more long term.

 

With my boyfriend before him we had sex on the second date, which I regretted at first, because I didn't intend on doing it so soon either, but we still ended up being in a relationship, and also with him, although it was the second date we had been talking for at least 3 weeks before that and had established what we wanted out of dating each other. I think that's really the key as well, as with my ex and my current boyfriend, we spent hours and hours talking and getting a sense of each other and what we wanted and both are the monogamous, looking for my wife types who didn't really make that many sexual innuendos or put sex on the forefront during the talking stage, so that also probably helped.

Edited April 7, 2014 by MissBee

[organizedchaos]

So I've been hearing a lot of different opinions lately on questions like how long you should wait to sleep with someone? How soon is 'too soon' to have sex? Can sex 'too soon' still lead to a relationship? etc.

 

So, I thought I'd ask this question - How long after being with your current partner/ex(s) did you have sex? It clearly still lead to a relationship, so would be interesting to know

 

1st date. Led to a 3 year relationship that ended 8 months ago.

[Michelle ma Belle]

The amount of time I've waited to have sex with my partners has always varied depending on the guy and things like attraction, chemistry, compatibility, motives etc.

 

With my current partner, we met online and immediately had a connection which lead to talking on the phone every night which later evolved into Skyping and all the other lovely tid bits that go along with a new LD romance.

 

After more than 4 months of talking and getting really close, we decided it was time to meet in person and see if what we had online worked as well in real life. As I'm sure you can appreciate, by this point, we had had plenty of phone sex/Skype sex so sexual chemistry was indeed alive and well. We talked at great length about what it would be like to meet in person and if we'd end up in bed together straight away or take things slow. In the end, we agreed to just let it unfold naturally good or not so good.

 

When I went to pick him up at the airport, it was like we knew each other forever. Everything felt intensely natural and as such, we ended up in bed together pretty much the moment I removed my key from my front door

 

We fell madly in love and have been together ever since.

Edited April 8, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[mortensorchid]

I don't think there is a limit. Usually a bad sign when you do IT on the first date, but then again ...

 

 

Last serious bf we did IT on our 2nd official date. If you like each other no reason why you shouldn't wait until your 3rd or 4th. However, word of warning ... I find that if you haven't done IT by a certain point, you won't. You might have 2 or 3 dates where you just limp along but then ... it doesn't happen.

[soccerrprp]

So I've been hearing a lot of different opinions lately on questions like how long you should wait to sleep with someone? How soon is 'too soon' to have sex? Can sex 'too soon' still lead to a relationship? etc.

 

So, I thought I'd ask this question - How long after being with your current partner/ex(s) did you have sex? It clearly still lead to a relationship, so would be interesting to know

 

JennHenn,

 

YOU really need to decide what is good for you. People have slept with someone on the first date, some on the 3rd, some on the 5th, some after a month, after six months. etc. There is a wide range of experiences. But, I will say that if you are a twenty-something or a woman, you risk much more and often, if too soon, you play in the hands of guys who are seeking sex first, relationship later. Are there examples of couples who slept together the first date and ended up in a LTR, of course. But not nearly as common.

 

In the end, the timing is all a risk in one way or another. You have to decide what is good, best for YOU.

 

Frankly, questions like this bring no one any closer to an answer or clarity in a world full of people who have different, hidden, agendas and circumstances that are as varied as the number sand grains on a beach.

Edited April 8, 2014 by soccerrprp

[Raena]

With my most recent ex... we met one night out playing darts and chatted. A week went by and we didn't see each other, just happened to run into each other again at the same place we met the first time. From that night forward we were together every night. The first night we went skinny dipping together and he stayed at my place until 5 am talking. The next night he spent the night. We showered together and slept together in the same bed for 2 weeks straight like that with no sex but non stop talking. Then it was finally too much for either of us to handle and we became intimate. We stayed together for 11 years. For the first 6-8 months or so we were inseparable... couldn't get enough of each other. Then the drama started and it was a slow death for 11 years after that. That first initial intense attraction kept us hanging onto something that was dead and gone long before we actually walked away from each other... although I didn't see it like that until after we split up. When it was still going on, I was still hanging on. Now I realize that what we had wasn't at all what I thought it was. Had I waited to let him spend the night those first couple of weeks, things would have been so completely different.

 

It was intense but it burned out. That kind of intensity isn't meant to last.

[Keenly]

Last girlfriend was about 2 weeks. Before that, a few days, before that 6 months.

 

 

My next relationship I'm going to hold out probably around 3 months.

[nescafe1982]

My SO and I waited around 2.5 months. We had the exclusivity talk shortly before having sex. We're going on 3 years together now.

[melell]

In my experience/observations it makes no difference to how the relationship will pan out.

 

My first I waited a year with a high school boyfriend.

 

Second, was my first/only boozed experience (had been friends prior though), a typical ladies man, felt disgusting for doing it at first, but we ended up living together/in a relationship for over a year.

 

My third was most recent ex, waited 4 months, ended up together for 7 years.

[veggirl]

My bf and I had sex on the 3rd date. It was 8 days after we met. We have been together almost 3 years now. I don't know if I'd advocate 3rd date sex, necessarily......esp to serial daters, those who date and date and date and date, but it worked out for us.

 

I will honestly tell you though, after we had sex he admitted (like 2 yrs later) that he wasn't sure if he was gonna call me again! He didn't "get me" (my personality). And here I thought we'd had the most amazing connection since day one

 

Alls well that ends well

[jay1983]

Try to go a month if you can, but no longer than that.

[Do_The_Herp]

Personally, I think that it's silly to make a minor distinction of, say, the first or fourth date.. I don't see why a difference of three days matters.. Whether it's a total stranger or someone you've gotten to know and are now "officially" dating.. It doesn't matter either way.

 

Either you both agree to see each other and not force it initially, or just let things happen naturally but choose to see each other exclusively for awhile and see if anything develops.

 

As a guy, sleeping with someone too soon wouldn't turn me off from them, but I'm not sure if I'd still be totally comfortable about it if I was still getting to know them.. I don't know.. I KNOW that I'd NEVER pull a "hit-and-run" in my life.. That's not something I aspire to do to someone.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Makes no difference. In fact, my relationships tend to last longer if I sleep with a guy on 2nd-3rd date. Could be a coincidence.

 

But my longest relationship; I slept with a guy 6 weeks after we started dating. It wasn't a strategy, I just wasn't that hot for him.

 

I just go with what feels right.

[carhill]

How long after meeting your partner/ex did you sleep together?

 

Consistently between four and eight weeks. With my exW, lovemaking started at around six weeks of weekly dating and after a few weekends together (a bit of distance so a lot of time spent on each date). I doubt that will change for me.