ExposedBrick Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I've hit a real slump since I joined Match.com, jumping from OKCupid to try and improve the quality of the experience. I've toiled over the profile content but just don't really seem to get any responses. This seems odd as the two sites are somewhat similar in design. Anyway, with so many variables to alter, any tips on trying to figure out what's going wrong??
InnocentMan Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 The best advice I could give for success on OLD, is become physically attractive. Much the same as real life, but multiplied ten fold by the power of the internets. 1
Mo_Do Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Are you a typical guy with a few garbage pictures and a stupid write up that sends countless messages to girls way out of your league? That's 99.9% of most guys problem. 2
Philosopher Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Like what others have said, success on OLD boils down to the photos that you use on your profile. Each week try using a different photo as your main profile picture. Record which one of the photos generates the most views to your profile. Then stick with the photo that gets the most views to your profile as your main profile picture.
jothebo41 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Dude get off OLD. It is awful and almost a guaranteed confidence destroyer. It is not real life. Men and women join for different reasons. Men are mainly too serious, women mostly too casual. It only really 'works' for certain, older groups of people. Attraction is attempted over what someone can say without meeting you. It is not real life. Women have openly admitted to me to just have it as a back up, screening for a sexy prince charming. There is nothing wrong with that, OLD is not real life. Getting a response does not mean you are in a relationship, or even close to one. The online-into-real life thing is fraught with more hazards than you'd expect I can probably think of another bunch of reasons to get the hell off there. Its all a joke. Anyone who says differently either won the lottery they are selling or they enjoy the de-humanizing experience.
J21 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Have a decent write up and some decent pics (no shirtless selfies in front of mirrors) Stay positive. Have a thick skin. Be persistent. Be patient. Don't waiver one bit in your self confidence. Don't write a book or come off as rambling in your first message. Keep it short and sweet. Are you actively messaging people? Edited April 7, 2014 by J21 2
Targetlock Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 OLD has been endless frustration and disappointments for me i very rarely get responses to my messages or even profile views, I've had a couple of good conversations with people only for them to disappear. OLD seems to be all about the looks, if you got them then you win and if you are like joe average (like myself, not bad looking just not great) then you get left on the sidelines. or that is what I've worked out from my experiences, it might be different for other people.
deathandtaxes Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 It's having a decent profile picture and a few other decent pictures. I've had success getting views and responses using quirky and goofy profile pictures. And it also helps if you can string a few sentences together. Don't even bother with the "hi, you look interesting" bs. Read the profiles. Comment on them. Ask a question or two to get a conversation going. Keep it short. Keep it simple. The rest is timing. You might be sending a message when they've already received plenty that day and just don't give your message or your profile a serious view. Or they do read it and realize you're not what they're looking for. Sometimes my response rate is very low, about one in ten. Sometimes I'm firing on all cylinders and getting way more. OLD shouldn't be the end-all and be-all of your entry onto the dating scene. 2
FitChick Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I used a photo showing me reading the Christmas issue of a popular magazine to demonstrate it was a current photo. I hated having to do that but so many people post old photos that no one believes anything they see any more. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Dude get off OLD. It is awful and almost a guaranteed confidence destroyer. It is not real life. Men and women join for different reasons. Men are mainly too serious, women mostly too casual. It only really 'works' for certain, older groups of people. Attraction is attempted over what someone can say without meeting you. It is not real life. Women have openly admitted to me to just have it as a back up, screening for a sexy prince charming. There is nothing wrong with that, OLD is not real life. Getting a response does not mean you are in a relationship, or even close to one. The online-into-real life thing is fraught with more hazards than you'd expect I can probably think of another bunch of reasons to get the hell off there. Its all a joke. Anyone who says differently either won the lottery they are selling or they enjoy the de-humanizing experience. I've actually had decent success with it. I'm a 30 yo guy, relatively new in town, and don't know a lot of single people. I live in a huge metropolis but most young adults are ver focused on their careers, which is a double edged sword. If you have suggestions of an ideal location to meet women, I'm all ears! Thanks.
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 It's having a decent profile picture and a few other decent pictures. I've had success getting views and responses using quirky and goofy profile pictures. And it also helps if you can string a few sentences together. Don't even bother with the "hi, you look interesting" bs. Read the profiles. Comment on them. Ask a question or two to get a conversation going. Keep it short. Keep it simple. The rest is timing. You might be sending a message when they've already received plenty that day and just don't give your message or your profile a serious view. Or they do read it and realize you're not what they're looking for. Sometimes my response rate is very low, about one in ten. Sometimes I'm firing on all cylinders and getting way more. OLD shouldn't be the end-all and be-all of your entry onto the dating scene. My response rate has been lower than that. When I started with OKCupid my rate was very poor as well. Do you have any suggestions for improving? Is it really possible to be shooting out of your league in the online arena?
PegNosePete Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Maybe post your profile and we can have a look at it, and make some suggestions? Might want to batten down the hatches though, brutal honesty sometimes stings, even when it's for your own benefit
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Are you a typical guy with a few garbage pictures and a stupid write up that sends countless messages to girls way out of your league? That's 99.9% of most guys problem. How is anyone "out of your league" online? What elements constitute a poor message specifically?
PegNosePete Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Out of league? Well for example: unemployed, broke, smoking father of 3 messaging successful attractive career woman 20 years his junior. A poor message would be one word such as "hi" or "whats up"; any mention of looks, sex, money, exes; bad spelling/grammar; too long (don't repeat your profile in a message); going for a meeting too soon; looking like a scam message. Good messages are simple really, here's an example: "Nice profile, made me laugh! I see you like skiing, have you managed to get away this year?" If they speak another language that you do too, try writing in that, I've had very high response rates writing in Italian... you can even just write "ciao, come stai?" and they reply just because it's different to the norm and they get to practice. Message is the EASY bit. What gets you replies is your PROFILE and PICS.
Jethro Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 OLD is just like a pet store. You decide to go get a puppy, so you go to the pet store. You are going to buy the cutest puppy in the store, hands down. Everyone is the same, men and women both. 1
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Looks help in OLD, sure, but that isn't definitive. It's the way you present yourself that sets you apart. Having a fun profile versus a "This is who I am, what I like" will cause you to stand out. And sending a good message will help you stand out. I am no fan of OLD, because any remotely attractive woman receives 200+ messages a week, but when I went on it once I found humorous messages got more responses than "Hey there, how goes it". I don't know, OLD is useless in my opinion for the most part.
KathyM Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 It can be successful. I know couples who have met their LT partner through OLD, and it's not just the super attractive people that have been successful. Do put up some nice pictures, though. Get a nice haircut, buy some attractive clothes, and have someone take your picture at an interesting background. Seems to me a lot of men's pictures have them sitting in a dumpy apartment, which is certainly not appealing to most women. Be positive in your profile. No sour grapes. Have some interesting hobbies to talk about in your profile. People are attracted to interesting people. If you don't have any interesting hobbies, then start some. And as others said, the more attractive women on there will be getting lots of messages, so keep your expectations realistic, and don't just message the most attractive women on there. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Out of league? Well for example: unemployed, broke, smoking father of 3 messaging successful attractive career woman 20 years his junior. A poor message would be one word such as "hi" or "whats up"; any mention of looks, sex, money, exes; bad spelling/grammar; too long (don't repeat your profile in a message); going for a meeting too soon; looking like a scam message. Good messages are simple really, here's an example: "Nice profile, made me laugh! I see you like skiing, have you managed to get away this year?" If they speak another language that you do too, try writing in that, I've had very high response rates writing in Italian... you can even just write "ciao, come stai?" and they reply just because it's different to the norm and they get to practice. Message is the EASY bit. What gets you replies is your PROFILE and PICS. I don't think they are out of my league based on that. I'm. 30 yo professional making double the median income. I exercise regularly and cook. I haven't been married and have no kids. How do I describe myself as a social person without seeming like a party animal or alcoholic?
normal person Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I've been doing it for a while and I've had nothing but success so I might as well share what I've been doing. The first things to do are: 1). Present yourself in the most attractive, interesting, inviting, original way possible. No negativity. 2). Consider whatever everyone else is doing, why you doing it too would be ineffectual, and set yourself apart. When reading through profiles of girls, what sort of things do you get tired of reading and seeing? Do the opposite of that. - Have great pictures (at least 5), one face, one full body, one doing something exciting, etc. Not from far away, with 10 other people and wearing sunglasses. Make the captions hilarious. - When you write your profile, you can list the trivial stuff ("I like to play softball") but keep it concise because no one really cares about this either way. Write about you as an individual. How would your friends describe you? What makes you different than everyone else? What are your definitive character traits? Inject a lot of humor too. - Update your profile on Match often with new pictures and change up your profile. You'll be highlighted in searches and girls will take notice and you won't have to do much but respond. - Consider limiting your dating pool to just the girls who like/wink/message. You know they like something about you so you'll have a foot in the door already. When you message them, keep it succinct, funny, and almost act like you're doing them a favor by acknowledging their advance. "Hey, thank you so much for winking, that's sweet. I'll bite..." - If you want to branch out and message a girl, I would try keeping the message similarly short, funny, interesting, inquisitive, and certainly not pointless. "Hey" or "What's up" are cop outs meaning basically "please think of something and say it to me." Delete. She gets 50 of those a day. Ask her about whatever unique thing she has in her profile or how she feels about it. Let her know you'd like to get inside her head a little bit. Don't comment on looks. Best of luck. 2
Thegreatestthing Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 The best thing I can add for girls is to dress conservatively I put up pictures where I'm dressed really conservatively more than I am in real life and ever since only the highest calibre guys contact me.no what's up,no sleaze,no nothing.its the best way to remove them. Mostly on OLD I get messages telling me I look like this person or that person all the time,three guys all messaged me the same thing you look like Bruce Willis gf from pulp fiction. 1
PegNosePete Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I don't think they are out of my league based on that. I'm. 30 yo professional making double the median income. I exercise regularly and cook. I haven't been married and have no kids. How do I describe myself as a social person without seeming like a party animal or alcoholic? Well I'm balding, pushing 40, divorced and can get OLD dates quite easily. One lined up next week in fact. As I said it's all about the pics and the profile. It's a bit hard to comment or offer tips/advice without seeing what you have already but generally you want to make it interesting and exciting. Remember this is an advertisement for yourself, not a resume, facebook or a LinkedIn profile. Show, rather than say. Lists of adjectives are bad. Cliches are bad. Bad spelling/grammar is bad. Being too long or too short is bad. Negativity is bad. Not standing out from the crowd is bad. 1
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