spiderowl Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Hoping for some advice and insights here. A younger guy (10 year difference) from my office (big office) is on the same online dating site as me. I've only just noticed. We've talked briefly at the office and we have a lot in common but although that was a surprise, I never thought anything of it. Now he's on the site and listed as a very good match for me. This is awkward. I haven't said anything and neither has he. He might not even know I'm on there if his filters are set differently. So, what do I do? Ignore it? Say hello on the site to be friendly and hopefully disperse any possible awkardness? Assume he would say hi if he wanted to? What would a guy in his situation do? I don't want to embarass him, nor do I want him to think I'm some creepy older woman approaching him in any way. Is ignore and carry on the best course of action?
Leegh Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Yes, it is awkward, since you work in the same office, even though it is a big office. Speaking for myself, I probably would not contact him on the online dating site. Perhaps since you know he is single, you could flirt with him a little, and see what happens.
Author spiderowl Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) I really appreciate you replying. I don't flirt anyway so that's not going to happen. Just feels a bit strange not saying anything, but then there are all sorts of potential pitfalls at work. What I might consider being friendly and acknowledging that we are both on there might be taken as some creepy sexual approach on his part. I'm hoping he'll say something but maybe he's not noticed, prefers to avoid me, or would be afraid it would be taken the wrong way too. Has anyone ever been in this situation and actually said something or contacted the other person? Edited April 7, 2014 by spiderowl
JourneyLady Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Twice with different actions. In one case, I noticed one of my male friends was on it, but I figured he probably saw me (small area with fewer in our age group) and wasn't "that kind" of attracted. So I didn't say anything. The other was another male friend I am doing some part time work for, and I did happen to mention it, but I'm not attracted that way myself so it doesn't matter. But I guess you want to know in a case where you might actually want to date them or vice versa. In that case, I would let the guy do the approaching. If you're in an age group he's open to, he will see you and if he's attracted - will say something. Otherwise I wouldn't. He might feel put on the spot. 1
tekkenfan2 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Well although not exactly the same I saw a girl from in one of my classes on OkCupid and sent her a message saying Hey, I think you are in my class among some other things. She didn't reply (although according to her rating she doesn't reply to most msgs) Terrible idea lol. We talk now but the site has never been mentioned in conversation. My advice to you is to just ignore it (since you aren't interested in him if I'm correct?) if you want to go that far there should be a way to hide your profile on the site from being visible by his (Google it) If you are interested just view his profile (he should see you saw it, you can see who views your profile on this site right?) and talk to him at work Edited April 7, 2014 by tekkenfan2
Author spiderowl Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Isn't there a saying about not poo-ing where you eat....? I think a general consensus of opinion is that it's not a safe bet to date in the workplace.... Maybe switch dating sites. Yes, there is such a saying but it seems a really crude way of referring to possible loving relationships. I never have liked it. That isn't to say I think it's a good idea to date someone you work with. I can see lots of problems with that, well have experienced them when other colleagues have dated each other.
Author spiderowl Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Well although not exactly the same I saw a girl from in one of my classes on OkCupid and sent her a message saying Hey, I think you are in my class among some other things. She didn't reply (although according to her rating she doesn't reply to most msgs) Terrible idea lol. We talk now but the site has never been mentioned in conversation. My advice to you is to just ignore it (since you aren't interested in him if I'm correct?) if you want to go that far there should be a way to hide your profile on the site from being visible by his (Google it) If you are interested just view his profile (he should see you saw it, you can see who views your profile on this site right?) and talk to him at work We haven't 'viewed' each others' profiles. He's a nice guy, yes, but he's younger and probably not interested in someone of my age, so I wouldn't pursue anything. I'm quite shy anyway so don't take the initiative. I just wondered what a guy in his position would be thinking. Would he be trying to avoid an older woman at work? Who knows?
gaius Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I noticed the woman who used to man the register at the walgreens I go to on one of the dating sites I was browsing and sent her a message. She might have messaged me back I dunno, my trial ran out and I'm not interested enough to pay a ton to access the messages in my box that have come in since. I would just leave it alone and let him message you if he's interested.
nescafe1982 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I was once highly matched with the office creep... who not only messaged me but pointed out that he'd found my profile in person... and in front of everybody. I would vote that you don't mention the match... to him, around him, in the site, or on company grounds. Just pretend it didn't happen... and hope he does the same thing. Common courtesy would dictate it.
Author spiderowl Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I was once highly matched with the office creep... who not only messaged me but pointed out that he'd found my profile in person... and in front of everybody. I would vote that you don't mention the match... to him, around him, in the site, or on company grounds. Just pretend it didn't happen... and hope he does the same thing. Common courtesy would dictate it. Sounds wonderful, not! The overwhelming view I'm getting is that ignore is the best course of action. It does feel strange though. If he was interested, would he contact me? I have no idea how a guy would think in that situation.
J21 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Just hide or close him in the search results. I definitely wouldn't take any chances especially if we we're in the same company.
Author spiderowl Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Thanks for opinions which have been very helpful. I'm going to ignore and pretend I don't know, unless he says something. I'm sure if he wanted to make contact in that way, he would. I doubt a guy would be put off if really interested.
Author spiderowl Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 Would it be appropriate to say hello as a friend? I suppose that could be interpreted as creepy.
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 It would be basically going back on everything hitherto advised in this thread. Actually.
Author spiderowl Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 It would be basically going back on everything hitherto advised in this thread. Actually. Yeah, so I guess that's out. Feels weird though.
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