Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

So it's been a while since I posted on this forum. In a nutshell my fiance dumped me in Jan after dating for over 3 years and being bestfriends 3 years before that as well.

 

After the break up it was hard, I kept my distance and just trying to take care of myself. I eventually learned to delete my FB and instragram and cut off social media with her. I went into full NC mode and it last for a good 2 months.

 

It was going good, I was working on myself, I was in the process of moving to another city, getting everything ready, I still thought of her but I tried my best to not let it bother me. Then about a week and a half ago, she called me with her work number out of the blue. The converstation was short, the jist of it was she "heard" from my good friend that I wanted to talk ( i never told my friend that). And that I was moving. She wanted to "offer" me the chance to talk if it was what I "needed" to move on. I was caught quite off guard, and didn't know what to say other than "thanks" (?) and we ended the call there.

 

I called my friend and he told me that he advised her NOT to call me and let me come to her, and she agreed she wouldn't bother me. Sadly this issue has driven a wedge between me and my friend, as he claims he doesnt want get involved in this, and that he "doesnt want to mess anything up" ??? whatever that means. She then msged me on friday telling me I had alot of mail and to where she could forward it, I told her i'd pick it up in the box so she could just leave it there.

 

Anyway these last few days has been tough, I wish I had not broken NC but its done, and now I need to work through it again. I know some wills ay to block her number or text or change my number but first of all, a) i cant block texts in canada, b) I can't change my number as I also use it for work and my clients need to get ahold of me. and c) I didn't know it was her work number when she called, or I may have not even answered the call.

 

So now I am missing one of my best friends and she has made me feel crappy for the last week or so. Worst of all about this break up was that I didnt just lose the love of my life, but a bestfriend as well, I've known her for a long time and we met when we both first moved to the city. And not having her anymore feels just odd.

 

Anyway I just watned to vent, if anyone has something to say it be great to hear from you. Thanks for reading

Posted

 

 

It was going good, I was working on myself, I was in the process of moving to another city, getting everything ready, I still thought of her but I tried my best to not let it bother me. Then about a week and a half ago, she called me with her work number out of the blue. The converstation was short, the jist of it was she "heard" from my good friend that I wanted to talk ( i never told my friend that). And that I was moving. She wanted to "offer" me the chance to talk if it was what I "needed" to move on. I was caught quite off guard, and didn't know what to say other than "thanks" (?) and we ended the call there.

 

 

 

HAHAHA!!!! WHAT?!?!?! Considering that you're moving to a new city is a clear indication that you're moving on quite well! I seriously laughed at that!

 

 

I wouldn't bust on your friend too much. Chances are she pressured him for information. You know, what you've been up to; what you were doing. And as part of just regular conversation, he just let it slip that you were moving. In turn got her to freak out.

 

 

You blocked her on social media and now she wants to know where to forward your mail. Thus, trying to get your new address. She's kinda flipping out that she'll never get to see you again.

  • Like 3
Posted

I can relate OP. My ex was my best friend for 15 years before we started dating. She wanted to be friends after she broke it off, but I couldn't do it. She hasn't reached out since the breakup. I went NC just over 4 months ago. I sense that she's not reaching out because she knows I need to heal or she's pissed I won't be her friend... in the end it doesn't matter. It's my choice. It's been very hard... but I'm moving on, albeit slowly.

 

Don't beat yourself up or your friend over breaking NC... the feelings will pass. Just don't stuff them or you'll never heal. You're not alone, hang in there.

  • Like 2
Posted

Why did your friend told your EX that you wanted to talk?

 

It's a very sensitive information even if you did say you wanted to talk, not to mention you didnt.

 

What reason your friend gave you for telling lies like that causing you such a damage?

  • Like 1
Posted

I don't see how it was your fault... when this happens to me (receiving calls or messages from unknown numbers) I am civil enough to wish them a good day and making the smallest talk possible (odd, if I hanged up abruptly I would consider that breaking NC on my side)...

 

Anyway, I understand you (oh, the shame experimented when learning that the ex thinks we are not so over them!) because friends, male friends, have acted on my behalf...

 

Life goes on... no,... a better life is coming up...

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Why did your friend told your EX that you wanted to talk?

 

It's a very sensitive information even if you did say you wanted to talk, not to mention you didnt.

 

What reason your friend gave you for telling lies like that causing you such a damage?

 

As far as I know he did not tell her to contact me, he did not show me the exact coverstation but he told me she was asking about me, and how I was. And then she asked if she should call me. He told her that I was moving so if she had something to say it be good to do it now. He cliams he never told her that I wanted to speak to her and I beleive him. As there conversation carried on, he suggested that she leave me alone and let me come to her when I am ready, she told him that she would do that and leave me be but she ended up calling me the next day anyway. The reason they were in contact anyway was because he went to pick up contact supplies at where my ex manages, and I knew this, I told him it was ok and that he doesn't need to be rude to her, he ended up not speaking to her because she was busy so as a courtesy he messaged her saying thanks and sorry he couldn't stay. Thats how she began messaging him about me.

 

I'm as confused as anyone.

 

I don't see how it was your fault... when this happens to me (receiving calls or messages from unknown numbers) I am civil enough to wish them a good day and making the smallest talk possible (odd, if I hanged up abruptly I would consider that breaking NC on my side)...

 

Anyway, I understand you (oh, the shame experimented when learning that the ex thinks we are not so over them!) because friends, male friends, have acted on my behalf...

 

Life goes on... no,... a better life is coming up...

 

Go to know, I can see that it isn't my fault but I am hurt all the same. very frustrating to say the least.

 

I can relate OP. My ex was my best friend for 15 years before we started dating. She wanted to be friends after she broke it off, but I couldn't do it. She hasn't reached out since the breakup. I went NC just over 4 months ago. I sense that she's not reaching out because she knows I need to heal or she's pissed I won't be her friend... in the end it doesn't matter. It's my choice. It's been very hard... but I'm moving on, albeit slowly.

 

Don't beat yourself up or your friend over breaking NC... the feelings will pass. Just don't stuff them or you'll never heal. You're not alone, hang in there.

I can never be friends with my ex, its just to hard I think. When we began seeing each other she broke it off originally because she didn't want to ruin our friendship or something like that, I told her if we couldnt be more that friends than I can't be anything. At this time of our courtship we had gotten intimate arleady and I never saw her as just a friend after anymore. It worked and she came back saying she couldnt be without me and she wanted to be more than friends to. I guess she doesn't anymore though. either way I have kept NC and I don't know how or if it affects her at all, she mentioned to my friend that she was keeping her distance to help me move on, so from that statement it seems clear she has already. Either way I cannot have her in my life anymore because it is just to painful. I have no interest seeing her with other men

 

HAHAHA!!!! WHAT?!?!?! Considering that you're moving to a new city is a clear indication that you're moving on quite well! I seriously laughed at that!

 

 

I wouldn't bust on your friend too much. Chances are she pressured him for information. You know, what you've been up to; what you were doing. And as part of just regular conversation, he just let it slip that you were moving. In turn got her to freak out.

 

 

You blocked her on social media and now she wants to know where to forward your mail. Thus, trying to get your new address. She's kinda flipping out that she'll never get to see you again.

 

I never looked at it that way Chi townD, thanks for that. That actually makes me feel a bit better even if might not be true and just a badly timed coincidence, its a good way for me to look at it.

  • Author
Posted

Is it every worth it to talk to an ex? or is it just a waste of time?:(

Posted
Is it every worth it to talk to an ex? or is it just a waste of time?:(

 

Definitely a waste of time. What's done is done and beyond repair. Gotta move on.

Posted

"Offer the chance to talk"

"If you needed it to move on"

 

Get a grip woman, she's guilt tripping. I'd not bother replying.

Posted
Is it every worth it to talk to an ex? or is it just a waste of time?:(

 

 

In situations like this, meeting up would be a waste of time. It would be you and her sitting there and her re-affirming to you the reasons why she broke up with you. That you didn't do this, that or the other. And it's only to convince herself that she believes she made the right choice for herself.

 

 

And to be honest, who wants to sit through a meeting where someone is just going to point out all of your flaws.

  • Author
Posted
In situations like this, meeting up would be a waste of time. It would be you and her sitting there and her re-affirming to you the reasons why she broke up with you. That you didn't do this, that or the other. And it's only to convince herself that she believes she made the right choice for herself.

 

 

And to be honest, who wants to sit through a meeting where someone is just going to point out all of your flaws.

 

you are prob right. It seems like just torture. Do exs ever talk again? and What situation would have to arise before you would talk to an ex?

 

"Offer the chance to talk"

"If you needed it to move on"

 

Get a grip woman, she's guilt tripping. I'd not bother replying.

 

I haven't and ya that is the gist I'm getting from her, so I've kept my silence

 

Definitely a waste of time. What's done is done and beyond repair. Gotta move on.

 

That's how I felt too.

 

Thanks for everyones thats taken the time to read my post.

  • Author
Posted

So she just msged me agian, of course it was about something non important. She msged to tell me my tax froms from my employer may have arrived.

 

Should I bother even saying thanks? Or is being polite seem pointless at this stage?? Am I childish to think that I should just ignore it?

 

Oh and I have already gotten all my tax forms already.

Posted
So she just msged me agian, of course it was about something non important. She msged to tell me my tax froms from my employer may have arrived.

 

Should I bother even saying thanks? Or is being polite seem pointless at this stage?? Am I childish to think that I should just ignore it?

 

Oh and I have already gotten all my tax forms already.

 

If I were you, I'd take the high road. Just be polite and say "thanks but I already got them." If she messages you again for any reason, I would tell her straight up that you're still trying to heal and to not contact you until you're ready to contact her. If she truly cares about you, she will comply. My friend had told this to his ex when she wouldn't stop bothering him for little things.

 

They say it takes about half of your relationship to finally be able to move on. It's a long road, but you'll get there.

  • Author
Posted
If I were you, I'd take the high road. Just be polite and say "thanks but I already got them." If she messages you again for any reason, I would tell her straight up that you're still trying to heal and to not contact you until you're ready to contact her. If she truly cares about you, she will comply. My friend had told this to his ex when she wouldn't stop bothering him for little things.

 

They say it takes about half of your relationship to finally be able to move on. It's a long road, but you'll get there.

 

 

I do want to take the high road and say that. But I feel like that is breaking NC and really, it doesn't matter. It is odd that these past few weeks she has contacted me about trival things, and the phone call to "offer" to talk. Whats the deal?

Posted
I do want to take the high road and say that. But I feel like that is breaking NC and really, it doesn't matter. It is odd that these past few weeks she has contacted me about trival things, and the phone call to "offer" to talk. Whats the deal?

 

Well you don't HAVE to do what I would do. Ignoring her is totally fine. But if she does reach out to you again, you should definitely tell her to not contact you until you're ready. It's not that odd actually, she's offering to talk because she wants to give you closure (I offered that to someone I broke up with). She's contacting you about trivial things because she still wants to keep you around in any way possible. Regardless, the two of you were friends for a long time and now you're moving away. She doesn't know that breaking NC is hurting you so you have to make her stop.

  • Author
Posted
Well you don't HAVE to do what I would do. Ignoring her is totally fine. But if she does reach out to you again, you should definitely tell her to not contact you until you're ready. It's not that odd actually, she's offering to talk because she wants to give you closure (I offered that to someone I broke up with). She's contacting you about trivial things because she still wants to keep you around in any way possible. Regardless, the two of you were friends for a long time and now you're moving away. She doesn't know that breaking NC is hurting you so you have to make her stop.

 

I appreciate the advice, I did respond because she msged me again, apparently i left my birth cert at my old place, so I have to go get it.

 

Sigh. I don't understand why she would want to keep me around, its over and done with and I don't think I can ever be at a state where I would be able to be friends with her anymore, its just to hard.

×
×
  • Create New...