catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I am so annoyed at myself, dating a fabulous, perfect guy for 6 weeks when i got insecure as i thought he was distancing as he'd just got out of a 2 yr relationship. I then ask if he feels single, and that i no longer do, he didnt really say much, so i told him i seen him more than a once a week thing (to show him i liked him) he told he really likes me, is not seeing others but wants to ride the waves. Sensing id freaked him out, two wks later i told him no pressure..lightheartedly and dropped it. Down hill from there and we split, With my emotions and brain back in check, i now see how he seen this as me bugging him to get into a relationship. This wasnt my intention and i kick myself so much for over reacting.
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 To show him i liked him and didnt see him as some casual thing as i thought he was distancing (which, looking back prob wasnt) the "no pressure" was genuinely a way to worm myself out of it as i knew id acted a bit crazy
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 U shouldnt have needed to ask it should have happened naturally... u are beating yourself up hun x
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 I know I didnt even feel the need to ask, I had an intuition about him, i knew he liked me. I may have thought he wasnt ready, maybe that whats triggered it. im beating myself up cos i didnt let it flow naturally, instead turned him off x
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I am so annoyed at myself, dating a fabulous, perfect guy for 6 weeks when i got insecure as i thought he was distancing as he'd just got out of a 2 yr relationship. I then ask if he feels single, and that i no longer do, he didnt really say much, so i told him i seen him more than a once a week thing (to show him i liked him) he told he really likes me, is not seeing others but wants to ride the waves. Sensing id freaked him out, two wks later i told him no pressure..lightheartedly and dropped it. Down hill from there and we split, With my emotions and brain back in check, i now see how he seen this as me bugging him to get into a relationship. This wasnt my intention and i kick myself so much for over reacting. I'm sorry, but I don't see anything that you did WRONG. I just don't. Maybe I'm not reading this right. It just sounds like to me that HE didn't want to make the relationship into anything more than it was. After 6-weeks??? What exactly was it, OP? I don't get it. You asked to see him more often? Nothing wrong with that. He could have given his reasons for not wanting to and continued with the relationship. You told him "no pressure?" So? Someone please help me see what and how she REALLY screwed up here. 3
Janesays Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 You didn't screw anything up. He was just never that into you. Nothing you could have done would have changed his mind. If anything, your talk just prevented him from prolonging the inevitable. 3
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 U got insecure because he was distancing himself and u picked up on it... I really dont think wether u had the conversation or not it would have made any difference... he was distancing himself and now u are blaming yourself x honestly one conversation would not have made a jot of difference if it was truly naturally flowing well x Ive been there recently and felt just the same as u... x 2
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 He always seemed into me, said he was crazy about me, told his friends about me. Although i feel because i liked him so much, sometimes i wasnt truly myself. Maybe he just wasnt ready.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 You didn't screw anything up. He was just never that into you. Nothing you could have done would have changed his mind. If anything, your talk just prevented him from prolonging the inevitable. Exactly. I think he wasn't quite on the same page as you, OP. It was probably already headed in that direction and when you called him on it, he saw it as the opportunity to bow out. 1
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Its mad as HE WAS into me, told me id raised the bar, i could tell by the way he looked at me he was into me. He never messed me around, was careful of what he said/appeared. Was so affectionate, was such a gent to me.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Its mad as HE WAS into me, told me id raised the bar, i could tell by the way he looked at me he was into me. He never messed me around, was careful of what he said/appeared. Was so affectionate, was such a gent to me. His feelings evidently weren't as strong as yours, or he wouldn't have bailed so easily. He also could have met someone else and decided to explore other avenues. As much as you want to believe it's something you did and not something he felt, there is no denying there was a bit of a mismatch somewhere. You wouldn't have questioned his distance otherwise.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 He had just got out a 2 year relationship & probably rebounded with u x it's nothing u have done but I know how it feels to think 'what if'.. I know it hurts but this was not your fault x
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Thank you, my thoughts exactly! i knew this all along as im not that kind of woman, only said it to show i liked him. First time i said it, he was prob a bit shocked but he never went anywhere and was fine. when i said "no pressure" it went a bit weird for a while.
nadinefleur Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 How old are you both? I ask, because if you are still in your twenties and he just came out of a long relationship, he probably wants to play the field for a while...
Phantom888 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 OP: you didn't do anything wrong. If after 6 weeks he still doesn't want to be exclusive or a relationship, then the spark isn't there for him. No guy should be shocked about relationship talk after 6 weeks. Geez.... If you are still unsure by then, maybe you need to re-examine what is going on. Guys who are really into a woman would lock her down PRONTO! The whole unsure notion is for guys who are waiting for something better to come along, yet don't want to be alone. 1
Phantom888 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Its mad as HE WAS into me, told me id raised the bar, i could tell by the way he looked at me he was into me. He never messed me around, was careful of what he said/appeared. Was so affectionate, was such a gent to me. Guys would do or say anything you want to get into your pants. That's what immature, selfish men do. 1
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 he said he was exclusive, and thought id bail after this talk and looked really concerned. he just didnt want to jump into it, it was obviously off putting to him.
soccerrprp Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 he said he was exclusive, and thought id bail after this talk and looked really concerned. he just didnt want to jump into it, it was obviously off putting to him. BS. He wasn't that into you. No one bails like he did if he was really interested. Again, I don't see any "real" pressure on him. It doesn't make sense to bail after someone says something like "no pressure." He got out b/c he didn't want to make it more than it already was. You thought he was really into you....think again. He was showing you what you wanted to see and likely had another agenda (clearly he did).
nadinefleur Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 He may have liked you, but if he felt pressured from you then he probably thought, 'I can't deal with this right now' and is probably moving on to the next girl... ESPECIALLY if he just came out of a long term relationship. How long ago did you 'split' and how did it end? 1
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 He didnt bail after this, we dated for another 4 months, but he had his defenses up a bit incase id mention it again. he surprised me on valentines day and the next day turned up to my house for my bday, and i finished it that weekend, as i was sick of the defenses and awkwardness over his hope i wouldnt bring it up again.
nadinefleur Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 He didnt bail after this, we dated for another 4 months, but he had his defenses up a bit incase id mention it again. he surprised me on valentines day and the next day turned up to my house for my bday, and i finished it that weekend, as i was sick of the defenses and awkwardness over his hope i wouldnt bring it up again. Wait so you dated for 6 months not 6 weeks?? Ok, well after 6 months he should know whether he would want to pursue something more with you or not. Don't beat yourself up, he clearly wasn't that into the relationship, you did nothing wrong and had every right to know where you stood after 6 months! besides you are saying that you ended it, so why are you regretting it?
Author catherine1 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 yes, six weeks was when i first brought it up, we continued but it was awkward after this as he thought i was going to bring it up all the time. he liked me but this obv turned him off and he was never that into it after this. i regret cos i was drunk, we had a chat and he said..we did say no commitment didnt we? then said, i do say your my gf, i care about you, dont want to end this. then later said, he had no problem being exclusive to me, but couldnt offer the level of committment i wanted or deserved.
thecrucible Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) I commend you for sticking to your guns. You didn't do anything wrong. I'd wager that you saved yourself a lot of heartache. Maybe you are feeling doubts now because you are just broken up. If you give yourself enough time to gain perspective, you might feel differently. Btw your posts are inspiring me to be a bit more assertive in my own dating experiences. Edited April 7, 2014 by thecrucible
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