Timpye Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Me and my ex were together for almost 4 years. We have been separated for 4 months. About 2 months have been NC. After the NC I told her I still had feelings for her and got the response that she wants to be friends but friends only and that she's is 100% sure that's all she wants and that things won't change. Sounds convincing enough, I should stop talking to her and move on, I know right. Anyway I'm not posting this to be lectured about how I'm doing the completely wrong thing and what not. I was just wondering as to why an ex would seriously want to be friends but be 100% sure of it being nothing else? Has anyone else been in a similar position? Ps her reasons for breaking up were that things I did would frustrate her (things she said she didn't know what they were), we didn't have that much to talk about, that we weren't a perfect match, that it felt like we just grew apart. Does this sound a bit like grass is greener? It was the first relationship for both of us.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 She actually doesn't care about being friends and most likely has no intentions of doing that. She said it only to spare your feelings... 1
David87 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I was just wondering as to why an ex would seriously want to be friends but be 100% sure of it being nothing else. I will only respond to this because you said you don't want lecturing .... She's over you and feels bad because you still have feelings for her. 1
bluegreen Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 You don't wanna lecturing ? And pray tell what is it that you do want cause we all due respect to @ we "do not kiss a.... here " we help people that want to be helped
Author Timpye Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 I was just wondering as to why an ex would seriously want to be friends but be 100% sure of it being nothing else. I will only respond to this because you said you don't want lecturing .... She's over you and feels bad because you still have feelings for her. I told her I don't want her to see me or be friends with me out of sympathy. She told me she's not, she has no sympathy for me
Author Timpye Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 She actually doesn't care about being friends and most likely has no intentions of doing that. She said it only to spare your feelings... That's what I thought when she said it a few weeks ago, so I told her I didn't want her friendship if it was out of sympathy. She said it wasn't, she has no sympathy for me. Since then we didn't contact each other for a few weeks until last night she messaged me asking how I was, and organized to meet together for lunch.
David87 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I told her I don't want her to see me or be friends with me out of sympathy. She told me she's not, she has no sympathy for me It's a bad idea to be friends so soon because you still care for her. I think that she feels guilty but it shouldn't matter. Stop talking to her because no good can come out of this.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 That's what I thought when she said it a few weeks ago, so I told her I didn't want her friendship if it was out of sympathy. She said it wasn't, she has no sympathy for me. Since then we didn't contact each other for a few weeks until last night she messaged me asking how I was, and organized to meet together for lunch. Again, you can say what you said 100 times and she will assure you it's not her intention 100 times. Do you think this is the first time this convo has occurred between dumper and dumpee?? Do you expect her to be truthful and hurtful? And the random reach out by her asking how your doing? Breadcrumb. Only to ease her guilt and boost her ego. Nothing for your benefit!!!
organizedchaos Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 That's what I thought when she said it a few weeks ago, so I told her I didn't want her friendship if it was out of sympathy. She said it wasn't, she has no sympathy for me. Since then we didn't contact each other for a few weeks until last night she messaged me asking how I was, and organized to meet together for lunch. And what are your expectations with this lunch?
KaliLove Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 You're cushioning the blow and boosting her ego. You're only hurting yourself by being her friend. She's been honest with you..listen to her.
Author Timpye Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 And what are your expectations with this lunch? Lunch was fine. We chated about what we have been up to since last time we met. I don't have any expectations, but for some reason I can't stop chasing her, not yet. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Lunch was fine. We chated about what we have been up to since last time we met. I don't have any expectations, but for some reason I can't stop chasing her, not yet. Hope that friend zone youre in is warm... You won't be leaving it.
Author Timpye Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Hope that friend zone youre in is warm... You won't be leaving it. Haha yeh most likely id say, cheers ha 1
hudson701 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Lunch was fine. We chated about what we have been up to since last time we met. I don't have any expectations, but for some reason I can't stop chasing her, not yet. What sort of vibe did she give out? Was there any touching or contact? My ex said she wants to meet for coffee in a month but I'm not sure if it's just her way of letting me down gently, or if she really means it. This hope is keeping me down also. It's very hard isn't it?
Author Timpye Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 There was no touching or physical contact. There was however, a lot of joking around and laughing. She has told me we will never get back together and I do believe her intentions. She seams very happy with her life ATM and to be honest it cuts me up. For the moment though, I plan on contacting her, and meeting as friends on a limited basis. I know I'm almost certain to run myself into the ground, delay my healing, and be hurt down the track. But I do things my way, and that's how I feel at the moment.
Author Timpye Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 You're cushioning the blow and boosting her ego. You're only hurting yourself by being her friend. She's been honest with you..listen to her. Every thing you say there is right exept the part where you say I'm cushioning the blow.
kane30us Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) Dude, don't contact her or reply back. I've been there. Trust me! The more you talk to her, see her, the harder it will be to move on and get over this. Sounds to me she's over you. You need healing time. If you can't be just a friend, then move on until you can. How are you going to feel once she starts dating again? You are going to feel like an empty shell of a self. The first relationships are always the hardest to get over. Edited March 31, 2014 by kane30us
KaliLove Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Every thing you say there is right exept the part where you say I'm cushioning the blow. No, I'm pretty sure that part is right too. She's getting a lot of the benefits of being in a relationship with you without having the responsibility. You're boosting her ego by continuing to chase her and she's probably enjoying it. Dumpers can be sad too..having you around is cushioning the blow of the break up for her. She doesn't have to lose you completely. You're actually helping her get over you by staying in her life. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 You gotta do what you gotta do. Just know that you have just boosted her ego and assured her that she is not a bad person for hurting you because, hey... you guys are messing and joking around. In her mind... case closed.
Author Timpye Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Is anyone else in the same boat where they are just unable to move on after a break after a long period of time? I still miss her, I still wonder what went wrong and if one day things could work out. Going out and talking to other girls still doesn't feel right. Anyone else feel the same?
Mary Oak Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 DON'T DO IT!!! NOTHING GOOD WILL COME FROM IT, I PROMISE!! I have been going throught the same thing for 21 months. Do you want to be there? Hell no, you don't. Give up while you still have some self respect. I finally learned that I had to love me more than I loved the "idea" of us. She is not coming back. It hurts like hell. WOrse pain ever. But, accept it, and do something good for yourself. I went 30 days NC, then broke it...back to day one, with the tears and hurt. Then went 60 NC...same thing. This time I am on day 18 and I have no intention of contacting her. This time it is about me. Believe in yourself my friend. That is all you have control over. Do I want her back...yes. BUt have accepted that it is never going to happen. If you don't stop it NOW, it will go on and on, and the pain will go on and on....
sfcvn123 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Is anyone else in the same boat where they are just unable to move on after a break after a long period of time? I still miss her, I still wonder what went wrong and if one day things could work out. Going out and talking to other girls still doesn't feel right. Anyone else feel the same? What you're feeling is normal. You have to give yourself more time to heal, and being in contact with her has delayed your healing. You will have to accept that you guys are broken up. There are no what-ifs or what might have been. It's hard, but the best thing to do is stay no contact. Hope is the last thing that dies, and staying in contact with her (the friendzone) will give you a sense of false hope, whether you admit it or not. For your own sanity and emotional well-being, please avoid further contact with her. I'm not saying you guys can't be friends ever again, but you have to reach a point where you feel indifferent about her and seeing her with someone else doesn't hurt you. It may be a long time from now, and should you wish to salvage a friendship after, then that is your choice, but at that point you may not even care anymore.
Kilty Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Strictly NC is not to be used for it but if you have any chance of getting her back then you have to let her miss you thats why you should go NC - as well as using the space to get over her. Dont even respond to her asking you why you are not in contact at all The only contact you reply to is her saying she has made a mistake
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