Marisa Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Hi, I just wanted to get another opinion on this issue. I recently found a piece of paper in my fiance's inside winter coat pocket. Apparently he has phone numbers of his other male friends in there to. I stumbled across it when I was looking for some change to buy a can of pop. I have trusted him up till now. I have always thought that he was the type of guy who wouldn't cheat on someone. He and I both live in seperate cities and are about 6 hours apart. We have been together for 6 years and 2 of those years have been long distance.. When I asked him why you have this women's (work number, email address, and her cell number) on a piece of paper in your coat pocket, he said it's an old friend of mine that I bumped into. It was apparent that she had written down her number etc.. on the paper since it was her handwriting.. Should I worry about this??? When I tried to bring this subject up again, he got upset with me and said that I am too possessive and jealous, when in fact that is not true. It just shocked me to see that he would have her number and yet he doesn't even talk about her with me. Apparently she used to live in the same city as my fiance and I, but she moved away 3 years ago to the same city my finance had moved to 2 years ago. My fiance and I have only been engaged for 2 months now since he had proposed to me over the holidays. Do you think I am being too paranoid? I just don't want to see this ruin our relationship. Could someone please provide me with some input here? Thx, Marisa
sylviaguardian Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Do you really think that your fiance would have proposed to you so recently if he were having an affair? Perhaps he was mad just because you appeared to be going through his things? If this is ALL that you have to go on, i would let it ride. Perhaps you could say to him that it would be nice for you to hear about the friends that he has. On the other hand, you wouldn't have posted here if you didn't have suspicions. Is there anything else that makes you think that he is not trustworthy? Sylvia
lilian Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Hi When I started reading your post I thought: hmm, he shouldn't have reacted bad when you were "hassling him" a bit about the number. After all you live in different places and he DOES have this girl's number in his wallet. So, I was thinking about my boyfriend who I really trust but who sometimes doesn't come across as very patient when I have my little "insecurity feelings" about women he knows etc. Anyway, then I continued reading your post and I REALLY do not think that he's interested in cheating after proposing to you just recently! I think that it is more the thought that he has decided to spend the rest of his life with you but probably now reacts even stronger to you "controling" him. I am NOT saying that you are!! You have every right to ask him. But that might be his unjustified perception and he sees a red flag when he thinks about marrying you and you turning into some control-freak! Fact is: he's proposed to YOU. You're the one. Even more so he wants to feel happy around you and feel like he can still have his little freedoms even though he'll be married to you. This behaviour in men pisses me off but I have come across it before and I guess you have two choices: Either be a WOMAN and act like a woman! Which is asking him about it, making it clear that you have a right to know (which you do) etc. Talk, and talk and talk about it until he gives you an answer you feel comfortable with. But that means that he will feel annoyed and if the worst came to the worst maybe even reconsider his decision to marry you (I think guys are very "sensitive" before getting married, they have their antenas out) Or you are his buddy. Trust him and just think: "how stupid would he be if he proposed to me and two-timed at the same time!
Devildog Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by Marisa I recently found a piece of paper in my fiance's inside winter coat pocket. Apparently he has phone numbers of his other male friends in there to. I stumbled across it when I was looking for some change to buy a can of pop. Not buying that. Inside coat pockets are not easily accessible for loose change. I don't know a single guy who stores change in his inside coat pocket. And pieces of paper don't have that round metallic feel. I think you were snooping. When I tried to bring this subject up again, he got upset with me and said that I am too possessive and jealous, when in fact that is not true. He gave you what sounds to me like a perfectly valid reason to have her number. Trust me, guys aren't so stupid that they will bring evidence to their fiance of an affair. Unless he isn't the brightest light in the bunch. Do you think I am being too paranoid? I just don't want to see this ruin our relationship. Yes, I do think you are being overly paranoid. A guy isn't likely to get engaged when he is cheating. And if you are going to question every answer short of him telling you he is cheating, it will ruin your relationship. Has he cheated in the past? Has he given you reasons not to trust him?
Devildog Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by lilian Either be a WOMAN and act like a woman! Which is asking him about it, making it clear that you have a right to know (which you do) etc. Talk, and talk and talk about it until he gives you an answer you feel comfortable with. But that means that he will feel annoyed and if the worst came to the worst maybe even reconsider his decision to marry you (I think guys are very "sensitive" before getting married, they have their antenas out) lilian, here is my translation of your post from a man's percpective: Either be a B!tch and act like a b!tch. Which means browbeat him, make it clear that you believe what you want irregardless. Nag, and nag, and nag him until he leaves you because the only answer you will accept is him cheating on you. I really don't advise this path.
lilian Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 that was what I meant with my post. Just didn't write it so strongly.
jellybean Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Dear Marisa, I'm sorry you are in so much pain...we've all read your previous posts, and I think you know what the concensus is : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=54714 I dunno...but IMO love isn't supposed to hurt this much.....
GirlDown Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 i wish i realized this was the same couple...the one with the forced-to-propose man and the unsatisfiable lady... marisa, drop this guy. better yet, set him free. better even than that, set yourself free. if you stay with him, you are not very smart. you already know this. i'm sorry, but it's true.
Cecelius Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 I started reading this post and got the Biz Markie song in my head... There are tons of normal interactions with past and present friends that will involve getting and receiving telephone numbers, etc. Unless you've got some good reason to think otherwise (such as a history of cheating by him), its not that big a deal.
latesleeper Posted February 25, 2005 Posted February 25, 2005 If you're worried and he doesn't want to tell you and got upset, it doesn't help you to be less worried. Obviously you're not the sort who can forget about it, so why browbeat yourself into keeping it somewhere where it'd build up? Talk to your man. Ask him to help you feel less insecure. Also think about why you feel so insecure over a piece of paper with a woman's number. If it's a one-off incident, would you be insecure? Were there other "signs"? Whatever it is, don't negate your own feelings. There is something there that needs to be addressed, and I think it's important to address these things before they grow into monsters. Good luck.
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