MJ72 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 So, I got a text message today from my best friend (who was also the best man at my wedding) telling me that he is in love with my ex wife. My ex left me about two years ago. I was not abusive, didn't drink, do drugs, hit her, etc. She moved back to our home town about an hour away and has moved in with and is apparently "in love" with my best friend. He told me in his text that this didn't cause my divorce . We don't live in the same town and I haven't seen her in a year or him since March. Strangely enough I am not breaking down about the whole thing. Haven't cried or gotten really angry, but at the same time this feels like a betrayal. I didn't respond to his message. I just deleted him from my contacts and left him with silence. I guess I am wondering what any one else thinks about the situatio
Mary Oak Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Same thing happened to me. Except she (my bf at the time ) hung out with us the last year of our relationship. We have been broken up 21 months, and they said they waited a year to date. Still, it is hard not to look back and wonder. I do honestly belived if i didn't bring her into our lives we would have never broken up. I resent her, I loathe her, and I hope to never see her again. I know this is a waste of my energy but it is where I am now with it. SHe has what I want. It is good you don't feel anger towards it, maybe you are still in shock. Maybe you are over your ex for good. Maybe, it will hit you in a day or two. But, whatever the case, I would never respond to him, he doesn't deserve to have his guilt relieved.
VeronicaRoss Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 While two people can't help what they feel, it doesn't mean they have to act on it. In almost every marriage someone is going to fall in love with someone else. It's possible to love two people romantically. However, what most married people do at that point is wonder if they're better off where they are or with that person. Then they make a decision. The reality is you and your ex divorced -- one or both of you weren't happy enough with it to stay. That's what you need to remind yourself of, that your relationship with the ex wasn't enough to keep you two together. What they do after that time might hurt, but you don't want to be with someone that is longing for someone else *that* much and that uninterested in being with you, right? You're free to find someone who would choose you over others. That's the thing to focus on. 2
Author MJ72 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Same thing happened to me. Except she (my bf at the time ) hung out with us the last year of our relationship. We have been broken up 21 months, and they said they waited a year to date. Still, it is hard not to look back and wonder. I do honestly belived if i didn't bring her into our lives we would have never broken up. I resent her, I loathe her, and I hope to never see her again. I know this is a waste of my energy but it is where I am now with it. SHe has what I want. It is good you don't feel anger towards it, maybe you are still in shock. Maybe you are over your ex for good. Maybe, it will hit you in a day or two. But, whatever the case, I would never respond to him, he doesn't deserve to have his guilt relieved. I totally agree...P.OS friend. All the women out there in the world and he ends up with my ex....
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Have you ever watched an episode of NCIS, where Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Agent Fornell share the same ex-wife....? The banter is priceless... Try to chill. At least he's been honest with you, at least he's not screwing your mother and at least she has been your ex- for a good while. Worse things have happened, don't let this become yet another rock in your baggage. It's really not worth it.
Author MJ72 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Have you ever watched an episode of NCIS, where Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Agent Fornell share the same ex-wife....? The banter is priceless... Try to chill. At least he's been honest with you, at least he's not screwing your mother and at least she has been your ex- for a good while. Worse things have happened, don't let this become yet another rock in your baggage. It's really not worth it. I wish he would have at least discussed it with me BEFORE he started to date her that would have just seemed more considerate..."I'm dating your EX-wife" is not something you tell somebody over a text...but I guess you're right.
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I wish he would have at least discussed it with me BEFORE he started to date her that would have just seemed more considerate..."I'm dating your EX-wife" is not something you tell somebody over a text...but I guess you're right. 'Discussed'...? What's to discuss? Are you suggesting (and yes, I'm asking) that it might have been a way for you to register your disapproval? "Well man, no, I'd rather you didn't date my ex-..." What possible reason could you have given to justify such a discussion? Would it have sounded logical? Reasonable? Why should he not date your ex? because you feel it's being disloyal? Jeesh, you split ages ago, according to you.... why dredge resentment that should be way in the distant past? So, you still want to 'punish' her by presuming you have any say in the matter? Think it through like this, and you'll hopefully arrive at the conclusion that this irritation is nothing really to do with them, but all to do with you still being incapable of dropping it..... Do you see?
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