Jump to content

Why is it easy for some to have a one night stand?

mat23

By mat23
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

mat23 Member

mat23

Posted
Posted

Why is it easy for some individuals (teen boys, and girls: men, women) to embrace their sexuality and have the confidence to get a date with out embarrassment? Then engage in sexual activity as if it were nothing more than a walk in the park? While others wish away there life and lead a lonely solitary one. Is it genetics, culture, parenting, peer pressure or something else that enables individuals to have an active romantic life? I’m not interested in the politically correct response, or a moral discussion here. I’m interested in understanding why and how someone can become completely naked with a stranger and have a one night stand.

  • Like 5
Mrin Established Member

Mrin

Posted
Posted

Love this question. I think it is equal parts nature and nurture. Somewhere we are all wired in one way or another about physical contact and whether it equals emotional contact. For me I can separate the two - to an extent. Here's how I see one night stands:

 

1. Pure Physical: this is the proverbial "why don't we get drunk and screw" one night stand. I've had my fair share of these and to be honest, they don't do much for me. It is essentially friction right?

 

2. Romantic One Night Stands: this is where there are visible sparks flying but for one reason or another, we are not dating prospects. This is a one night romantic dance. There is a connection - a strong one. There is something more than just friction. I still like these as they are a delicate dance between two individuals for one night only. It is like the courtship cycle on fast forward.

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

mat23,

 

I’m interested in understanding why and how someone can become completely naked with a stranger and have a one night stand.

 

I have no idea, you'll have to ask people who do that.

 

I have never done it and neither have any of my friends. I don't think it is as common as you seem to think.

  • Like 2
martaldn Established Member

martaldn

Posted
Posted
mat23,

 

 

 

I have no idea, you'll have to ask people who do that.

 

I have never done it and neither have any of my friends. I don't think it is as common as you seem to think.

 

I think it happens very often.. or at least I know few people who have done it and I have done it myself.

I have never felt good after it though... most of the time it was after a big night out where I was fairly drunk and got a very big down the day after.

I dont know why people doing it but for what concern me I have done it because that was what I wanted in that specific moment and I didnt think much about what could happen next.. as long as you protect yourself I dont see anything wrong with it :)

Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
Posted

Some people do not come out of the womb looking for their long term partner. We actually try to figure out life and seek enlightenment and make ourselves worthy of someone in the future. Seems ironic that in doing so I am a slut to some women for not being in consecutive monogamous relationships when having sex. Those relationships would have been a disaster since I trusted no one and thought most people were untrustworthy or cruel. I was pretty broken from my past, and so I was seeking knowledge, hope, grace and healing, not girlfriends. I wasn't ready for love in high school or even college. I was trying to figure out myself and life. I have only respect for women, and my experiences were for the most part very honest and very positive.

 

My first experience was that I was seduced very young by my little brothers fifteen year old babysitter, I may have been ten or eleven. Naturally looking back as an adult, this isn't healthy for someone to be exposed to adult matters so young. However, it is what it is and I turned out really well, so safe to says that I wasn't scarred for life by it. As I grew up, girls were everywhere and they wanted what I wanted. I would date, have sex and know that it wasn't love, it was for me just a biological function. I wasn't questioned a lot then about exclusivity because I was upfront that I wasn't looking for a gf. I never really pursued for sex or dates and perhaps I could have been a little more discerning in what I accepted, but I loved women, always had. Their minds and interests were fascinating. They laughed a lot, and I hadn't had much to laugh about.

 

Sex was never dirty to me or something that was bad. It was a sharing of pleasure. I was very careful to be very honest with girls. I had some one night stands, but usually not drunk ones or notches in the bed posts but interesting girls I met along the way who wanted to share something else and I was very discreet with every experience I ever had. I traveled a lot after high school and during college and met a lot of girls that way...knowing we were giving each other pleasure and nothing more. I was very safe, a condom aficionado by the time I was sixteen. My sexual education at eighteen in Europe is a bedtime story my wife never tires of.

Sex isn't love and it isn't always for the rest of your life. Sometimes it is just for release and pleasure. We teach our kids to share it with someone they love, and that is because we know what judgements and emotional turmoil it can cause if as someone abuses their trust. I admit I was lucky in that respect and tried very hard to be kind to the women I was with. Sex is sometimes tinged with morality and sometimes with judgement, and no matter how little or how much of it you have had, someone is going to be disappointed.

Best,

Grumps

  • Like 3
  • Author
mat23 Member

mat23

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

In my original post I edited out the question I wanted to ask. It should have been:

 

Why is it easy for some individuals (teen boys, and girls: men, women) to embrace their sexuality and the confidence to get a date without embarrassment? Then engage in sexual activity as if it were nothing more than a walk in the park? While others wish away there life and lead a lonely solitary one. Is it genetics, culture, parenting, peer pressure or something else that enables individuals to have an active romantic life? I’m not interested in the politically correct response, or a moral discussion here. I’m interested in understanding why and how someone can become completely naked with a stranger and have a one night stand, while other people can't? Why is it difficult or impossible for some individuals to approach someone and develop a normal romantic relationship; sexually or non-sexually?

 

For example, in the movie, “The 40 Year Old Virgin” the male character found women intimidating and scary. But his friends had no problem dating and being romantic. Why?

Edited by mat23
Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
Posted
In my original post I edited out the question I wanted to ask. It should have been:

 

Why is it easy for some individuals (teen boys, and girls: men, women) to embrace their sexuality and the confidence to get a date without embarrassment? Then engage in sexual activity as if it were nothing more than a walk in the park? While others wish away there life and lead a lonely solitary one. Is it genetics, culture, parenting, peer pressure or something else that enables individuals to have an active romantic life? I’m not interested in the politically correct response, or a moral discussion here. I’m interested in understanding why and how someone can become completely naked with a stranger and have a one night stand, while other people can't? Why is it difficult or impossible for some individuals to approach someone and develop a normal romantic relationship; sexually or non-sexually?

 

For example, in the movie, “The 40 Year Old Virgin” the male character found women intimidating and scary. But his friends had no problem dating and being romantic. Why?

In reply to your new question...wow, I wasted a lot of time on my other answer so here goes....

Experiences, indoctrination, self esteem and opportunity.

G

Stillits Established Member

Stillits

Posted
Posted

I just wanted to chime in and say that because you can get a one-night stand easily enough, it really doesn't mean one isn't lonely. A one-night stand is just flesh on flesh, little else.

  • Like 2
  • Author
mat23 Member

mat23

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Grompybutfun, your 5:34 AM post was not a waste of time. It was insightful, emotional and gave me knowledge I don’t have firsthand experience with.

  • Author
mat23 Member

mat23

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Stillts, your comment goes directly to my question. Some individuals can’t get, “…a one-night stand easily enough.” They are intimidated by the effort, or fear, or just can’t find the courage to approach and ask. It’s like a dance, a small few might get on the dance floor, but the majority just look; afraid to participate. That’s my question, WHY? How come some men and women have no trouble connecting, emotionally or physically and others break out in a cold sweet of fear and go home alone. Grumpybutfun expressed his ability to connect and find adventure in his relations with women. Some of us can’t do that, Why?

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

mat23,

I'll just add a bit more to my previous answer - bearing in mind I'm not a psychologist.

 

It boils down to upbringing and conditioning IMO.

 

Take 2 extreme scenarios ;-

 

1. The religiously-biased household where sex is to be saved for marriage and considered "dirty" in any other situation.

2. The single parent household where mum sleeps around and the kids have a sucession of 'uncles' visiting the premises. The daughters learn early that giving sex and sexual favours to men will get them things they want like new cell-phones, clothes etc. They also pick up their mother's negative attitude to men and learn how to use them for their own ends.

 

 

There are a plethora of situations between these two extremes.

 

I know that you said you didn't want any moral judegements in response to your posting. However, in order to have a one-night stand, the person concerned must be of the opinion that it is OK to use another person just for sexual gratification. Personally, I have a problem with that attitude, but that's just me.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Has absolutely nothing to do with up bringing, well in my case it doesn't.

 

In my case I was brought up in a Church going Catholic household. I married my first boyfriend at the age of 20, he was my first in everything. I married him for life, for better of for worst. For years I thought if I divorced I'd go to hell. My morals were THAT rigid.

 

After my divorce I started dating again. Ended up in bed with some dude. I remember after sex I thought to myself: THAT'S IT??? Hell did not come down! I don't feel ashamed, I don't feel used, I don't feel anymore special or non special than before. What's the fvc1n big deal about having sex here!

 

But I have to admit, I am wired differently than most women. I have no inhibitions, I don't know why, with my Catholic up bringing I should be frigid lol

  • Like 1
mikefromtheblock Member

mikefromtheblock

Posted
Posted
Why is it easy for some individuals (teen boys, and girls: men, women) to embrace their sexuality and have the confidence to get a date with out embarrassment? Then engage in sexual activity as if it were nothing more than a walk in the park? While others wish away there life and lead a lonely solitary one. Is it genetics, culture, parenting, peer pressure or something else that enables individuals to have an active romantic life? I’m not interested in the politically correct response, or a moral discussion here. I’m interested in understanding why and how someone can become completely naked with a stranger and have a one night stand.

 

You have an answer in your post. Confidence. Call it whatever you want - law of attraction, mindset, confidence. It's there, and it works. And NOBODY knows why.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
mat23,

However, in order to have a one-night stand, the person concerned must be of the opinion that it is OK to use another person just for sexual gratification. Personally, I have a problem with that attitude, but that's just me.

Who's using who? In a one night stand you trade sex for sex, it's a fair exchange.

 

To use someone you have to deceive them, make them beleive the sex means something else than just sex.

 

Why do we have a culture in which women should not enjoy sex for sex!

  • Like 3
Standard-Fare Established Member

Standard-Fare

Posted
Posted

You asked why/how is it easy for some people to have a one-night stand.

 

The answer is alcohol.

Smthn_Like_Olivia Established Member

Smthn_Like_Olivia

Posted
Posted

I'm similar to Gaeta, and have always been one of those able to separate the physical aspect of a new relationship with the emotional one, but I am also a person that does not get attached very easily either. I think for some people, especially women, this can be very difficult as they always tie they sexual act itself into their definition of a relationship or commitment.

 

Like Grumpy said, it's a matter of life experience, the way one is wired, and personal views on sex.

  • Like 3
  • Author
mat23 Member

mat23

Posted
  • Author
Posted

In my original post I edited out the question I wanted to ask. It should have been:

Why is it easy for some individuals (teen boys, and girls: men, women) to embrace their sexuality and the confidence to get a date without embarrassment? Then engage in sexual activity as if it were nothing more than a walk in the park? While others wish away there life and lead a lonely solitary one. Is it genetics, culture, parenting, peer pressure or something else that enables individuals to have an active romantic life? I’m not interested in the politically correct response, or a moral discussion here. I’m interested in understanding why and how someone can become completely naked with a stranger and have a one night stand, while other people can't? Why is it difficult or impossible for some individuals to approach someone and develop a normal romantic relationship; sexually or non-sexually?

For example, in the movie, “The 40 Year Old Virgin” the male character found women intimidating and scary. But his friends had no problem dating and being romantic. Why?

oz-missy Established Member

oz-missy

Posted
Posted
In my original post I edited out the question I wanted to ask. It should have been:

Why is it easy for some individuals (teen boys, and girls: men, women) to embrace their sexuality and the confidence to get a date without embarrassment? Then engage in sexual activity as if it were nothing more than a walk in the park? While others wish away there life and lead a lonely solitary one. Is it genetics, culture, parenting, peer pressure or something else that enables individuals to have an active romantic life? I’m not interested in the politically correct response, or a moral discussion here. I’m interested in understanding why and how someone can become completely naked with a stranger and have a one night stand, while other people can't? Why is it difficult or impossible for some individuals to approach someone and develop a normal romantic relationship; sexually or non-sexually?

For example, in the movie, “The 40 Year Old Virgin” the male character found women intimidating and scary. But his friends had no problem dating and being romantic. Why?

 

Again we go back to the million dollar word in your OP (and edited OP) - confidence.

 

If someone does not have the confidence within themselves, how can others take them on board - sexually or non-sexually? Confidence (not arrogance) is attractive. It makes people want to get to know you. Being timid unfortunately doesn't.

 

If you are referring to yourself, try methods in building up your self confidence. Maybe if need be speak to a counsellor to try and work through your confidence issues. From there your ability to go out in the world and seek new relationships (again both of the sexual and platonic realms) will be more successful.

  • Like 1
hasaquestion Established Member

hasaquestion

Posted
Posted

What a confident man sounds like:

Hi. My name is ______. Want to get coffee?

 

What a shy and insecure man sounds like:

Hi. My name is ______. I suck. Want to get coffee?

 

If you don't believe in yourself why the hell would anyone else? What's in it for them? After all, you don't like yourself. Surely you must have a reason.

  • Author
mat23 Member

mat23

Posted
  • Author
Posted

oz-missy, in high school it was the boys on the sports teams, not the geeks, which seemed to have the girls flocking to them. My neighbor was a la cross player and he never had a problem getting girls to go out with him; his sex life was good too. The guys who played other sports also seemed to do ok with the girls. So I joined the swim team, won some events, looked good, girls would talk to me, but still no dates or romance. After graduation I got a great job and earned a nice salary; still no one to share my time with. I’d go to clubs, nothing; joined they Y, nothing; even tried the supermarket, nothing. That’s why I posted my question. I have friends of both sexes, but no one to share my personal time with.

HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

Posted
Posted

OP, you probably suffer from "NO GAME". Meaning you lack confidence that would keep a woman attracted. Maybe a lack of confidence in approaching women? Maybe socially awkward? These are some typical things that could hold back a decent guy.

 

I dated a guy who was very cute, he was very short as well but I don't think that was his problem. What he did lack and he knew it, was he had no game. He could have great conversation with me while out but when it came to taking the lead and asking me out he had no confidence. I wasn't interested in chasing him so it fizzled but had he taken the initiative a lot more I would have continued dating him.

 

Maybe you could tell us your personal experiences with women and we could help you if you'd like.

Standard-Fare Established Member

Standard-Fare

Posted
Posted

It's pretty simple. If you're down on yourself and not capable of finding your own self "sexy," then why on earth would anyone else find you sexy? People can't pick up on a vibe if you're just not transmitting it.

 

When I'm confident and feeling/looking good, I feel like I can snag a hookup pretty easily. It's not because I'm "hot," it's because I know my energy is right.

 

But in other phases if I'm feeling insecure and downtrodden, I recognize that I'm giving off the vibe of "Don't even think of having sex with me."

  • Like 1
RonaldS Established Member

RonaldS

Posted
Posted

Well, sex in and of itself is a biological function. It's a means of getting one's genetic material out into the population, with the partial goal of helping the population survive, but with the more selfish goal of helping the population survive with as many of 'you' in it as you can get.

 

That's the base level. It's called sexual reproduction. An overwhelming majority of animals do it. We're no different.

 

Now, we can build it into something more than that by attaching value to the act. And that's fine to do. Admittedly, sex with somebody that you love and who loves you can be much more fulfilling than just hooking up. That being said, while people look at sex with somebody that you have that kind of relationship with as being some sort of magical be-all/end-all, the reality is that the majority of the time you're having sex with your partner, it's average at best and a lot of times, pretty boring, especially after a certain number of miles.

 

A one night stand is predicated on being able to separate the bio-function from the attached emotional connection often placed on sex. It's actually pretty easy. You find somebody you're attracted to, and who's attracted to you, and you get together and use your part for what they were designed for. And when you're done, you're done, and it doesn't have to be some big huge thing.

 

As for how people get those....that's a whole other ball of wax. Anywhere from being irresistibly sexy to being around the right drunk girl at the right time.

 

My preference is to not have ONSs, because there's really not the appropriate amount of challenge or build-up, so I get bored very easily.

Antenna_Of_Destiny Member

Antenna_Of_Destiny

Posted
Posted

Why is it that in the absence of alcohol, the frequency of one night stands decrease? Why can't two people who meet each other for the first time during the day or in a situation without alcohol come to the same conclusions and have no strings attached sex?

  • Like 1
Soursoupz Member

Soursoupz

Posted
Posted

Good topic!

Because its for shore something very intimate.

 

I think people just do it like that after blocking certain emotions.

Because i cant believe them also that they can just go and lay down.

 

If you hear hookers they also say they shut down emotions while sleeping with all those strangers.

 

Sex is made for two people that love each other in marriage.

And its something that make people one.

By sharing it everywhere with alot of people it will make it harder for you to

cleave to someone.

 

I think some gets the idea that its normal or there is no problem doing it,

some from their education, and also from the media.

All they show is how to lay down soon and faster then you can.

How many programs on tv or songs did you hear talking about high morals and standards, and building a relationship first and marriage?

  • Like 2
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...