Birdofparadise Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Hi, this is my first post and I could really use some advice from strangers outside of my situation. I initiated the break up between me and my ex almost a year ago. At the time we had been dating around 15 months and I had fallen in love with her whilst I was on a travelling/working holiday in Australia. She was from there and immediately we hit it off. Sounds corny but neither of us were looking for anything serious and decided upon something casual as I was going to be moving on after a couple of months to a new city. I ended up getting a job there and staying longer and we became more attached with time. What was fun and physical became sweet and emotional and before I knew it I found myself deeply in love. She had been planning on taking a few months out to travel and asked me to come along with her and 2 of her friends. After approx 10 months into the relationship I agreed. By this point I had moved in to her place to cut costs and it was only going to be for a couple of months as my previously tenancy had run out. We got on well. There was a deep connection and friendship, it was solid and based on trust. We laughed easily, we loved easily, we lived easily. It was just that, easy. We only ever had one big fight and reconciled the next morning. The only think lacking at times was our sex life. Before we left I had taken a month to finish my travelling Australia without her and when I came back to hers I noticed that we were slightly struggling to connect and get back to where we were. With the addition of financial worries, visas, future travel and family there was a lot of stress and pressure on the relationship. I'm from the UK and as my working visa was running out we decided she would get one for the UK for 2 years and would come back with me after our travelling together. To cut an even longer story short, our travelling together worked well on a friendship level but due to safety, hostels, timing, friends etc we didn't get to spend much time together as a couple and the lack of intimacy was really eating at me. I tried to communicate this but I felt like I was pressuring her and started to feel guilty so left it in hopes that it was just a lull. She seemed uncomfortable talking about it. I left our travels to return to the UK as planned as she was visiting a friend and would join me in a month's time. Over that month, due to her being in areas with little internet connection we barely talked. Going from seeing someone everyday to talking once every 4-6 days was bizarre and when we did get in contact it wasn't for long and I felt that I was missing her more than she was missing me. In fact I got the feeling that she would rather remain travelling than start a new life with me in the UK. It was disconnected and worrying. When she arrived at mine a month later I was panicked. I was full of anxiety the day before which was weird. I mean she was my girlfriend and I loved her didn't I? During the first week of us being reunited it felt off. Different. Like it wasn't working and eventually I told her this. We talked a lot for 3 days. There were tears, hugs, sadness and numbness. I couldn't find it in myself to feel anything. It was like I was in shock. I told her I wasn't happy. She told me I had blind sighted her and hadn't realised all my worries and fears. She felt our travelling had gone really well. I hadn't been for quite a while and I thought our futures were pulling us in different directions. She wanted to travel and work part time in the UK whilst I went back to uni to pursue a career. After her 2 year visa was up she wanted to return to Australia and it was assumed I would apply for residency and join her but I didn't want to move and leave my family. I knew she definitely didn't want to live in the UK. There wasn't really a compromise. We were at different paths and there was no right or wrong choice. I thought it kinder and better to break up then rather than wait the extra 2 years only to face the same issue. I never stopped loving her. I have slept with 1 person since our break up and it was a casual fling. I haven't kissed anyone else beside that person. I still think about my ex daily even after a year has passed. I keep thinking what if it was all just timing. What if she was the right person but it was at the wrong time? Everyone who knew us as a couple always commented on how well we complemented one another, how strong we were, what a great friendship we had. I agree. We shared the same values and outlook. The only factor was location. She resides in the UK in a city far from mine and has to leave the UK early next year and I can't help but think my time to say something is running out. Do I make contact with her and ask her how she is? Has she moved on? Is she happy? We don't really communicate other than to wish the other happy birthday, the split was amicable with no fighting, hatred, resentment. She's made it clear how appreciative she was of that and how highly she thought of me. I haven't seen her since our break-up. If she says she has moved on then I have my answer I can say ok that's it. No second chance, no more what ifs. What do I do? What would you do?
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