hugznkisses21 Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 I recently was to confessed to that my bf is a commitment phobe of some sorts....maybe its cause hes young and still not mature ...hes 24 but he told me that he thinks once u commit to being engaged or married ur life is over....i laughed. I said u think im going to chain you to the sofa and say dont move.....he goes out with his buddies and does his own thing...i only see him 1-2 times a week...but he says that he sees his buddies who are engaged or married or living together and they arent allowed to go out and have fun with the boys....i.e the bar, or poker at a buddies...nothing bad. I said well thats now how i am u need to have your fun...but to say the word marriage he gets and stumbly...and avoids it. Hes like I want to be married before im 30...which is fine by me....but he is all freaked out. lol Is this just immaturity? poor guy, too bad he has this idea that marriage isnt fun!! I am trying to tell him when u are engaged and married its all about how u make it and if u can be married or engaged and go out and have a good time either with friends or together...lol But it is also nice to see that when he does give the commitment he seems that ist going to be strong and not him running around with the boys every night...lol I dunno what to make of all this. I really am not worried about it just wodnering how familiar this is in young men and their fear of loosing their "freedom"
alphamale Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 I really am not worried about it just wodnering how familiar this is in young men and their fear of loosing their "freedom" this is totally normal HNK21. fret not cause once you get the lil ol' piece of paper and ring THEN you can break his back.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 hehehehehe (evil laugh) no im kidding.....i wish he wouldnt have this impression we can be a fun and social married couple not a dreadful boring one...lol
alphamale Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 hehehehehe (evil laugh) no im kidding.....i wish he wouldnt have this impression we can be a fun and social married couple not a dreadful boring one...lol most wives don't like their hubbies to "socialize" cause that leads to meeting more women and than increases the chances of hubby straying like a cat in heat. every wonder why married couples generally don't socialize with singles?
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 oh ya i guess that makes sence. But i dont see what he does now in a commitment relationship that he cant do if we were engaged or married. I swear he is afraid that a wife turns into a bridezilla and life is over...u wake up go to work come home eat and sleep no socailizing or fun....shame really But u see where he is coming from i guess.....it is true that there is some sence of what priority when u are commited like that and i guess its good to know when hes does make that commited he is going to settle and put his full effort....hmmmmmmm
Pocky Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Just get him hooked on computer games. He'll forget about "hanging out with the guys" and he'll be home every night.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 hahaha good idea i will keep that in mind down the road!
Stylin22 Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 I'm a bit like this dude, I feel. I feel like my freedom is important to me and there are things that I wish to accomplish and if a relationship threatens that, it ruffles my feathers. I'm not saying this is what he is doing, but I totally understand on the freedom part. I moved in the past year and met a group of guys my age that all hung out. Out of the 6 of them, the last two just proposed...Yeah, I don't talk to them as much any more and although I do miss it, I understand that they are just maturing and needed more out of life. I guess that makes me immature (jk). I was engaged for 4 months and man, the level of committment changes, or at least for me in that relationship. I crack jokes to those guys and all, but in a lot of ways, I admire them cause I know I'm not ready for that. Life moves at different paces for everyone, mine just happens to take the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG route. No biggie, I feel like immaturity, not in a negative way, plays a part here. If he's got a deadline, he'll grow up soon enough...
emopunk Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 I've watched my friends marry... and it is weird what happens. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason for how people change. Some are the "stray cats," some are the work/home/sleep drones, and then there are others that are more socially engaging now than they ever were single... both men and women. Your guy just needs to understand that every relationship is different, especially if you work at it. Personally, I'm thankful for my fiance's jealousy... left to my own devices I tend to be like I'm still 21 and in college. And that can lead to a lot of trouble.
Spira Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Just get him hooked on computer games. He'll forget about "hanging out with the guys" and he'll be home every night. Worked for me!
tattoomytoe Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Glad he has a positive attitude about it! tell him it is not like he cannot go out and cheat.....i mean it is, but it is not. if he thinks he will be suffocated, i am sure that is how he will feel reguardless.
Merin Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Hmm.. My BF just turned 29.. but he was married previously so yeah.. can we say issues? We've only been together for almost 2 months.. and in that times it's interesting how things have changed. He told me straight up he wasn't down for getting married I think on the first date LOL I was and am all good with that as I've also been married.. and yeah.. I'm not so much about it at this point. HOWEVER.. my BF actually told me that he was worried about how much time he was spending with me in the start of our relationship because he didn't want to loose his friends.. his boys.. his people I would tell him it was all good with me for him to go out with his friends.. whatever ya know? and he would always come back with "yeah I know it's okay" ugh! Finally we sat and talked.. really talked. I told him when I said I was all good with him having his boys nights that it didn't mean I was somehow giving him permission.. it just meant Okay.. that I know everyone needs thier "seperateness" in a relationship and that's also okay and healthy.. that I trust him as he trusts me when we are out with friends seperately.. Interesting.. just over the weekend he cleared a space in his dresser for me, told me to bring over my "Girl stuff" LOL to keep at his house so I didn't have to bring it back and fourth.. I talk to him at least 2 times a day if not more.. see him about 3 times a week or better.. he has the keys to my house. he still has his boys and hangs out with them, I still have my friends and hang out with them... I think sometimes saying LESS and showing MORE is the best way to go
morrigan Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 I think "loosing the freedom" sounds like the loss of not having to answer to anyone, about what your bf spends his time and money on, who he sees, what decisions he makes about housing/vehicles/vacations. So if your bf does something stupid or makes a big mistake, he'd be the only one kicking his a$$. I've never been married, and while I don't think all marriages are bear traps, you do have to make a lot more mutual decisions with a spouse than when you have your own home and finances. My bf's thirty, he's not clawing at some imaginary cage, I'm far less willing to get married than he is. Do separate things with friends, have other interests and hobbies besides hanging out with your bf. I do stuff with my female friends, and my boyfriend at times goes and jams with guys he knows. If your bf's worried that he can't hit on other women or hang out at the strip club each night because he's dating you, I wouldn't be with him.
alphamale Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by morrigan I've never been married, and while I don't think all marriages are bear traps Well MORRIGAN if you've never been married are u qualified to say? Many marriages ARE bear traps especially if you are the independent and free-wheeling type who love their privacy. The worst thing I thought about marriage was that someone was on you 24/7/365. God that sucked.
morrigan Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Nobody is a marriage expert, some are good, some are awful. I've known people who were happy and married and some who were miserable. There's no need to get in a hissy fit about an opinion, Alphamale . If a person doesn't like the idea of marriage, don't get married.
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