dumbo Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Hi everyone, I came to this forum for some help. So, my ex and I were together for almost 2 years until last December when he said he needed to break up with me. There were ups and downs in our relationship but I tried my best to make him happy. I got a great job in a different city and he said he would need to break up with me because he didn't think a long distance relationship would work for him; so I gave in this job opportunity. After this, I'd been unemployed except for part-time jobs I could rarely get. He had a good job but it wasn't something he wanted to do(he's very into making films and playing drum in his band), so he was always unhappy with his job. Even though he had a better job than I did, he always had a financial problem, because he would spend money on his great computer, camera and etc. Also, he gets depressed Despite all this, I was blinded and was just trying my best to be with him. The biggest trouble in our relationship came when his cellphone got broke last summer. I had no way to contact him since then. He would call me when he needed me, but when I needed him, I had no way to talk to him... I could email him, and he could answer when he wanted. I started feeling like he was taking me for granted and was sad. I asked him to get his cellphone fixed, but he said he was enjoying his life better without cell phone, but would like to get it fixed soon, which never happened. He always asked my help whenever he needed money, needed to move in to a new place, needed to rent gears for his film project, needed a babysitter for his dogs while he's gone for drinking with his friends and etc and I was happy to help him, but after spending 4 months him giving me excuses not to fix his cell phone made me depressed. It was right before Christmas and my birthday when he said he wanted to break up with me, because he tried his best to make me happy but he did not feel like he was able to. It happened over Google chat and I was deeply shocked as I believed when we broke up, it would be a respectful way. A week after the breakup, I still didn't feel like it was real. Then one of mutual friends told me he started seeing someone. I was unable to be myself. He then emailed me saying he was not proud of the way he broke it off and wanted to meet to have a closure talk in an adult way - I was going to say no, but I agreed to meet him. We met up for coffee; he gave me this line 'its not you its me' and saying he had been failing to do what he wanted to do (music and movie) and he needed time to figure out what he really wanted. I did not mention about the girl he was seeing; I told him I respected his decision and I had been trying to find myself after the breakup. We both cried ... A couple of weeks passed, I did not talk to him but I couldn't help thinking about him everyday. Then I saw this picture posted by the girl he was seeing on Facebook. They were playing music together at a bar and seemed happy. I was crushed. Then I found out he unfriended me on Facebook. I was feeling like I was betrayed. The guy I thought I knew would not do this to me. It feels like the guy I knew was gone and this new guy who looked like my guy was enjoying his life. Even so, I didn't call him or email him calling him names. We needed to contact a couple of times because of his cat (I was babysitting his cat), but after that I went NC. For the last 3 months, I started this new job, moved to a new city, made new friends, went to travel, started new hobbies. I think I did a great job. I can't say I am over him but I made myself happy without him. I am still figuring a lot of things out about my life, but I am proud that I was there for him when he was having tough time. I do not blame him for leaving me when I was having tough time. I am a strong woman. It was last week when I receive an email from him. He was asking me if I want a picture of the cat. I said yes, and he sent me a picture of the cat with a joke about the cat. I joked him back, and he returned another joke. I am positive that this means nothing - he wants me to be his friend(he said it when he broke up with me). Actually he is friends with his other exs and they hung out and talked all the time, but I don't think I will be able to be friends with him. I still miss him and I am confident to say that I have grown up and beceom aware of what my needs are. I did not love him for what he did for me nor what he played or made. I love his character and I will always fond of it. I still want him back, but I am afraid that if I keep emailing with him, he would think I also want to be friends with him. I don't know if he is still seeing the girl. They may still be together or not. I have not responded to his email for a week. Should I keep NC or should I keep joking wiht him? I wish I knew what he wanted... Should I tell him I don't want his friendship...?
No Limit Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 He didn't continue to talk to his exes and hung out with them, he screwed them. And no, if you don't want his "friendship", don't respond anymore. You've had a little polite conversation and that's it, done.
mangetout Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I would be very direct and say that you dont want a friendship with him.
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