Murtz Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Long story, but my girlfriend of 3 years was so in love with me, but I didn't give her attention due to a video game addiction of mine. I needed her to break up with me in order for me to realize how bad it was. I have taken the steps to fix it and I am now a better person for it. The first month after she broke up with me I did everything I could to show her that she means more to me than she originally thought, she was taken back by how much she meant to me and didn't realize I really cared that much. In the end though she said she wanted some space though and we went no contact for a few months. Somewhat recently, I have reconnected with her and asked if she wanted to try dating again, not necessarily exclusive though. I know she is dating other guys, but she agreed. Just yesterday we went on a date and she told me some serious issues going on in her family that she wouldn't tell anyone. However it was really hard for her to actually open up to me. She also says that she is so unhappy and doesn't know what she wants in life. She says she really loved things between me and her at the beginning of the relationship, but for some reason she just keeps pushing me away. She wont open up to me about her feelings about us and when I try to kiss her on dates she just turns away. At one point she wanted to get married, but as I took her for granted and didn't give her the attention she deserved, she was hurt. I think she wants to be with me, but is afraid she will have to go through that pain again. How can I assure her that everything will be okay?
David87 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 How can I assure her that everything will be okay? By giving her space and by going NC. 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Long story, but my girlfriend of 3 years was so in love with me, but I didn't give her attention due to a video game addiction of mine. I needed her to break up with me in order for me to realize how bad it was. I have taken the steps to fix it and I am now a better person for it. The first month after she broke up with me I did everything I could to show her that she means more to me than she originally thought, she was taken back by how much she meant to me and didn't realize I really cared that much. In the end though she said she wanted some space though and we went no contact for a few months. Somewhat recently, I have reconnected with her and asked if she wanted to try dating again, not necessarily exclusive though. I know she is dating other guys, but she agreed. Just yesterday we went on a date and she told me some serious issues going on in her family that she wouldn't tell anyone. However it was really hard for her to actually open up to me. She also says that she is so unhappy and doesn't know what she wants in life. She says she really loved things between me and her at the beginning of the relationship, but for some reason she just keeps pushing me away. She wont open up to me about her feelings about us and when I try to kiss her on dates she just turns away. At one point she wanted to get married, but as I took her for granted and didn't give her the attention she deserved, she was hurt. I think she wants to be with me, but is afraid she will have to go through that pain again. How can I assure her that everything will be okay? The more you chase, the more elusive, evasive and absent she will be. You need to go No Contact - but please be aware - and I emphasise this - No Contact is not a way to get your ex back. That is not its purpose or design. That's not what it's for. No Contact ensures you give yourself time, to dedicate to yourself, to improve who you are, better yourself and consider the best way to heal your heart and generally move on to better things, whatever they may be. You stopped your activities not only for your own benefit, but in order to get her back. It didn't work. Doing things with an ulterior motive, is never honest. changing for the benefit of someone else, is actually not being true to them, or to yourself. Why? Because there is the danger of relapse, once you achieve your objective.... She needs to trust you and see you have changed. You can only do that, if it will be at all effective, by distancing yourself and shifting your focus. onto yourself, and yourself, alone.
Author Murtz Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 We went no contact for 4 months and I did all of that. Then I asked her if she wanted to try dating and she did. Whenever I date anyone I always have an ulterior motive of getting into a relationship, but I didn't change myself for her. I changed myself so I could be a good partner to anyone I meet in the future.
mangetout Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Then take things very slowly. Don't rush! Let her slowly warm to you. She is cautious because she doesn't know if you have changed. Expect months. Just be patient
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