feelingtorn Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 He emailed me few days ago about his dog. He said his dog's health had gone downhill and asked me if I wanted to see her. I became very attached to the dog while we were together and missed her very much after BU. I saw them today and we ended up taking a long walk. I am regretting immensely. I miss him. When he started talking about his dinner plan - what he was planning to make - i almost invited myself. Do you think he misses me too?
maturityassets Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Sounds like he did miss you in some way or form (whether it be wanting you back or ego boost) but it did seem like he reached out using his dog. From her there is no reason for you to reach out. If he misses you, he will let you know. There is no reason to put your heart out there for someone who once already broke your heart
sooshi Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Yeah, I also get the feeling that he probably misses you (as a friend). I wouldn't suggest contacting him though. If he wants to reach out, he will. I'm sorry to hear about the dog.
StGeorge22 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 He was def reaching out. Maybe it was because he still misses you, maybe it was because he was trying to find out if you have moved on. Guys can be very possessive and want you to not move on even if they are trying to. Either way he misses you, otherwise he wouldn't have messaged
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 He was def reaching out. Maybe it was because he still misses you, maybe it was because he was trying to find out if you have moved on. Guys can be very possessive and want you to not move on even if they are trying to. Either way he misses you, otherwise he wouldn't have messaged Thats quite a generalization about the male population. Its not gender specific. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Everything else means nothing. Keep moving on. 2
Author feelingtorn Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 I know I need to move on. He contacted me, but he did not say or express any interest in getting back together. But spending a couple of hours with him and taking a long walk with the dog brought back all the memories back. I even unblocked him on gmail messenger for a couple of hours. Even seeing his name in green on gmail chat got my heart flutter. I feel so dumb. I unblocked him again and reminded myself why we broke up. It was because he got caught sexting with another woman whom he met through online game. I shouldn't be with someone whom I cannot trust. He is not even a decent friend. A decent friend would not have treated me that way and lied to me. 2
Author feelingtorn Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 I am so tempted to contact him. I was doing so well. I have been checking LS multiple times today. I haven't visited LS for many months. ARGH. This is terrible. I am trying to remember the BAD times and how he got caught sexting with another woman while we were traveling internationally. Also, I am trying to tell myself that he "only" contacted me because I asked him to do so. I asked him to contact me if the dog was dying before our BU. The dog seemed ok - thank god-, but she is having some bladder problems due to her old age.
Trovador Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Wait for him to get on his knees and ask you sincerely forgiveness... Only then you might begin to consider a friendship... But people rarely change their evil ways... see a pinned thread about realistic tips to survive the post BU blues... Did he updated you about the lady (ies) in his life?
Author feelingtorn Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Wait for him to get on his knees and ask you sincerely forgiveness... Only then you might begin to consider a friendship... But people rarely change their evil ways... see a pinned thread about realistic tips to survive the post BU blues... Did he updated you about the lady (ies) in his life? No, none. He did not get on his knees and ask for my forgiveness. He also did not say anything about his current love life. I was basically homeless when I came back from our trip. I was not going to live with him after what happened during our trip. While I was moving from couch to couch, he even managed to take an out-of town trip to meet up with his game friends. Girls included.
redbaron005 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Technically you were the dumper so I suppose its up to you if you want to reach out further. I highly respect you for sticking with the guy for the first 10 months before he said I love you, and that kind of patience has the potential to make you a stronger person in this post-bu period. I recommend taking a look at thora-tiki's threads and putting yourself back in the 'no contact cave' for a least a few months more. So in short, I bet he misses you. It happens at around the 6-8 month mark for many. The real question here is have you evolved beyond the bu and what he did? I don't believe so, and MHO is that you should wait 2 more months and then see where you stand, how you feel.
Trovador Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 What a db! I don't know how you were able to go to that meeting, even if it was for a noble cause... Do everything within your reach not to miss him (you don't miss him per se, you miss the events and details of a relationship)... say goodbye in your heart to the doggie, and put all that behind you, once and for all...
Author feelingtorn Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Technically you were the dumper so I suppose its up to you if you want to reach out further. I highly respect you for sticking with the guy for the first 10 months before he said I love you, and that kind of patience has the potential to make you a stronger person in this post-bu period. I recommend taking a look at thora-tiki's threads and putting yourself back in the 'no contact cave' for a least a few months more. So in short, I bet he misses you. It happens at around the 6-8 month mark for many. The real question here is have you evolved beyond the bu and what he did? I don't believe so, and MHO is that you should wait 2 more months and then see where you stand, how you feel. Ha, thanks for reading my past postings. Yes, it did take him 10 months to express his feelings. He didn't even have a gf for 5 years until he met me. Mostly quick flings here and there between his serious ex and me. He gave me a nice hug when I showed up. I still had some stuff - a pair of shoes and a vase -, and he suggested I could visit another time or he could give me a ride. When I was leaving his house last time, it was late at night and i had a lot more stuff including a pair of pillows. He did not chase after me and did not offer me a ride. So, I guess he has changed a bit. But, you guys are right. This is all in my head. He has not said anything. I should stick to NC. Thanks for all your kind thoughts. I was feeling weak since yesterday. Without LS, I would have already called or texted him. Thanks. 1
Author feelingtorn Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 *update: I recently got laid off. I work in school, and this rarely happens. So, it was a shocker. My last day won't be until mid-June, but still I am feeling nervous about my future. It is not easy to find a job in my field. When I saw my ex last time, I mentioned it. He also recently left his job and decided to pursue a new, riskier one - a start-up business. This past Mon, I had an interview for my dream job. Very competitive, so I am not too hopeful. He texted me tonight asking how my interview went. Is this breadcrumb? We broke up last Sep. I have been casually going out with a long-time friend since last Dec. I did not think it was a rebound at first and really thought we had something special. But, he has not been supportive since I got laid off. I know that my friend is going through his own rough time right now. He recently lost his dog whom he had had almost 16 years. The dog just ran off while they were taking a walk in the woods. This happened before my lay-off news. I was very supportive, but when my bad news hit, he is acting like my situation is not as bad as I think it is and everything is fine. Like I should get over it. I just could not handle his insensitive comments and jokes. And, I have not reached out to him since our last phone conversation. It was right before my interview. He knew I was going to have an interview. No text or no call. Nothing. It has been 4 days of NC. Ha. Maybe, I have terrible luck with guys, but I am actually doing ok. I am just waiting to hear back about reference check and honestly do not want to deal with any other drama. BUT, I cannot help myself thinking about my ex. I miss him.
Lifegoezon Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Technically you were the dumper so I suppose its up to you if you want to reach out further. I disagree here. You dumped him because he was cheating - at least emotionally - so he had left your committed relationship. Until that point you weren't planning to dump him, you had little choice. That puts you in the dumpee's shoes and him fairly and squarely in the wrong. You don't have to reach out - he does. And with an unequivocal declaration. You also need to be confident you can trust him before a second chance has any prospect of success. My feeling is that he was yanking your chain because you invited him to using the subject of the dog. And now you're back to square one. You should reinstate NC, move on, find someone better and try not to make that mistake again. All the best.
Author feelingtorn Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 IYou should reinstate NC, move on, find someone better and try not to make that mistake again. All the best. Part of me agrees with you, but at the same time, I feel like I was NOT the best gf while we were together. I paid off my mortgage within 5 yrs, and the last two years of 5 was spent with him. I was stressed out and overworked. I was not my best self. At the same time, it does not justify his behavior. I am really tempted to text him back.
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